My Bubble of Idealism has BURST : (

I had the stupid nerve to venture out of my 1.5km bubble again. It was yet more horrible continuation of bad eggplant day of yesterday...I don't want to go into the details.

But basically it's all about the city-city-a horrible place to live- I know I should use positive affirmation to delude myself but compared to my old town it's...horrible. All the asssociated degradation I have to endure that comes with citylife just keeps popping my idealistic bubble.

So predictably enough...I ended up in a music store...AGAIN. And wreaked a further 5 cds worth of damage. At least they were playing THE CURE greatest hits the whole time I was in there, so the visit was somewhat therapeutic.

Later, waiting for the bus it started raining very heavily. Ahhhh such relief. People stared at the crazy girl with no common sense...but to me that was an invitation from the universe to cleanse me of city grime...so I indulged big fat raindrops pelting my face...that's the closest to nature I can get in this disgusting concrete jungle. Felt more grounded after connecting with my inner hippie like that.

In any case when your soul is feeling heavy the best happy tonic is the joyful music of one of my music idols- Youssou N'Dour from Senegal. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND his album Coono du reer (Nothing's in Vain) even if you don't think you like world music. It is complete *joy* through music from a total God- well he definitely has a presence and an amazing vibe...

so you blast it really loud, and your uncultured blinkered citydwellers exclaim "what the hell is that?!" LOL.

Happy Times :)

p.s I justified the crazy ELEVEN cd purchase in one weekend with the fact that I'm just gonna hole up from now on- unless I can TRULY escape the city I'm not gonna venture out of my 1.5km bubble- the less degradation I have to witness the better I'll feel...ignorance is bliss!

A Favourite Movie: JUNO

I've been wanting to see Juno for aaaages...Highly anticipated, I'm glad to say it didn't disappoint^^....t'was an *instant favourite* with me- LOOOOOVE!!! Halfway through I was already thinking "damn I wish I had time to watch it Again straight away!"

I think I liked it so much cos I can really relate to the protagonist, and when I was sixteen I was SERIOUSLY just like Juno...

My favourite parts of the movie was the revelation where she affirms that jocks always secretly like the weirdo girls...*LOL I was cracking up thinking of you straightaway, S!

And then the bit where she says she doesn't do proms cos 'proms are only for squares or nerds' and she's neither...yah me too :)

I also like this part of the movie:

Juno: Hey Dad!
Dad: Hey Big Puffy Version of Junebug, where you been?
Juno: Just out...dealing with things waaaaay beyond my maturity level.(*LOL that line SO reminded me of me at sixteen!)


I also really liked her hamburger phone- I've so always wanted a novelty corded phone but unfortunately I couldn't find one when I did try and look earlier this year-even normal corded phones are pretty non-existent these days :P

The other favourite segment was the bit where Juno says to her dad

"I'm just like, losing faith with humanity" (yeah ME TOO! especially in the city!)

And then Juno's romantic idealism(like me!) comes out too...

"I just need to know that it's possible that two people can stay together forever".

Liked her dad's 5 cents:

"Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are...good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you...the right person's still gonna think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with!"

AGREE :)

Ellen Page is such a kick-ass actress! I really liked her performance in this film, and was equally impressed by her performance in Hard Candy. She's definitely destined for greatness- an actress to watch out for!

The Trouble with Daydreaming...

It was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS :p

I call them "bad eggplant days" after those old-school computer games where you bump into a badluck charm and you then have this "bad eggplant" icon stuck to your little man for a period and everything goes wrong ie your little animated character bumps into rocks, falls over etc etc...
In any case, this post could equally accurately be called "when your thoughts come back to you-part two"...

So. Since being in the city, I've been plagued by blurry vision- with the mini reprieve I got I thought it'd be best to use that time to go check it out with a western doc...he suspects it is PURELY to do with the fact that my eyes aren't coping with the city pollution...so anyway he told me to first investigate my glasses prescription with the optometrist...

I was on my way to that vicinity(heart of the city) - on the crawling bus observing all the degradation of citylife and city people with wonderfully melancholic Sarah McLachlan in my ears for soundtrack, I was lost in deep thought...how much I HATE the city, surprise at how much being in a natural environment means to me and how much I really, really want to go back to my regional seaside town if it weren't for my conflicting interest of aquiring my professional qualifications...so I was losing myself in escapist imagination: big sky, clean air and wide open space...

So anyway, the city BIT BACK!

When I glanced up I realised shit I'm here already! (not too familiar with the exact location of the shop in the city) Talk about BAD TIMING. Right at the moment I wanted to get off the doors shut and a ticket inspector got on. Basically it was REALLY BAD TIMING- my haste to get off made it look as though I had seen the inspectors and wanted to get off implicating me as guilty straight away...so yada yada didn't get a fine, but I got a warning and all my details taken for not getting off at the stop prior...in any case I was in too passive tired defeatist mode to waste my breath clarifying my case- I let the guy get his power trip, accuse me of "being naughty" and use me as a scape goat to 'get his quota for his black book'...although it was kinda embarrassing as it happened in front of a whole audience, because I was not intentionally trying to rip the state government off of their 40c-I didn't go bright red as a beet because I had a completely clear conscience... but now I'm totally blacklisted with the authorities I better curb my daydreaming somewhat or next time it's gonna be a very expensive indulgence!

so anyhow when I finally got to the damn shop it was shut! MAN. I consoled myself by visiting my favourite music store and then another...and there I went nuts- LOl it is so dangerous to let me near a music store EVER let alone when I'm needing to "de-stress" or "console myself"!

I instantly switched to all absorbed mode eyes intensely scanning row by row shelf by shelf the entire music store for things that I might like that were on sale...

I ended up with...SIX new aquisitions...with money yet to be earnt (!!) *big smack for me!*

In case you were wondering...

>LAMB best kept secrets 1996-2004

>MORRISSEY suedehead

>ARCADE FIRE neon bible

>MUSE absolution

>SINEAD O'CONNOR so far...the best of

>ANDREW BIRD armchair apocrypha

*sigh*

Lacking restraint with the retail therapy since I haven't been out of my 1.5km bubble for so long, I went into a department store, got totally harangued by aggressive salespeople trying to sell me fragrance and beauty products and I didn't know how to get out of it...what a time sucker!:P But I found a great pair of heels (weakness for shoes!) great with jeans (we learnt in massage that heels can actually relieve certain muscular ailments as I had already concluded from experience, PLUS, I like how I get more adult credibility when I lose the sneakers and flip flops!) but alas...none left in my size ( as per usual- another reason the city doesn't suit me- back in my old town WOW shopping is great - most people there do not require XS sizing so when they do have XS they tend to always be on sale :)

ANYHOW at least the day improved greatly when I returned home and watched JUNO (details in separate post).

Later since I had to go out to return the DVD I thought I'd meet up with my one local friend for a drink(cos I was really feeling like I needed one...and I'm not stupid enough to enter a pub/bar unescorted)...however he wasn't punctual and while waiting a few minutes on the road I got sick of being harrassed for money. sheesh early evening in the city you get harrassed by druggies, later evening you get harrassed by grogged up drongos...ARGHHHHHHHHH I just can't win in the city!

So anyway I decided to head back(little tolerance to put up with crap)...along the way, my curiosity made for an impromptu stop at my first ever dog race! Hey Cool-certainly a new and interesting experience for me! It was all beer, smokes and snags...I found it highly amusing and ironic that I always get bagged out for being such a *country bumpkin* but it took being right in the city to actually feel for the first time like I was in the stereotype of what urbanites think country people are all about! :P

Delicious Serendipity!

And the amazing part? It's vegetarian! ;)

So...this is what happens when you haven't had time to grocery shop and the pantry is bare- wow I'm starting to get pretty good at this food improvisation thing...in terms of taste...Mmmmm!

So anyway, I was getting the only dinner worthy item- a frozen pizza base out of the freezer, when a box of frozen leftovers came crashing down (I was a tool enough for my fridge to be open at the same time, so it cracked some eggs along its spectacular descent...)

Not liking waste, I beat and fried the eggs into a salt and pepper omelette as a sort of "side snack".

Back to pizza base...I topped it with some crushed organic tomatoes from a can and some basil squeezed from a tube(like I told you, I really haven't been grocery shopping!), then I put on some shredded pizza cheese...I was reaching for the only pizza suitable vegetable in my crisper- an eggplant- only to find possibly due to it being organic, that it had already become a mould ball :(...chucking that, I was at a loss for what to adorn my pizza with...duh!...omelette! weird huh?!

Baked for 20 minutes....wow- it was surprisingly delicious! the combination of fried egg, basil, tomato and cheese on the base was total delicious serendipity! And it fulfilled two great criteria- a)food on a budget and b) dinner under half an hour!

*pleased* :-D

Different.

Since about the age of 11 or 12 I've always known I'm "different". I figured it's a common enough self-perception around that age and I figured it's just something I would "grow out of" after my teens...alas so many years later...I feel just as "different" as ever!!!

Anyway that thought just came up when someone randomly brought up the premise that everybody "puts on a social front".

The "everybody" part I disagree with but I had noticed back in the big wide world again that facades are a very common way of life but I always just attributed it to people who lacked self confidence, or occasionally people acting appropriate to a context/situation, rather than...Sadly, Social Front is The Norm! :-p

I disagreed because I know for me, no matter what the case, I never do the whole "facade" thing...I think putting on a facade is a totally different concept to having more reservation with showing aspects of your character in reference to context/appropriateness/familiarity...but then I realised...not putting on a social front: THAT is more of an abnormality!

Just cos I don't do them AT ALL, people who do facades really irk me possibly because generally I see straight through them so I never understand the point - probably why I'm not the biggest fan of people...

maybe that is The common thread of all people who love animals? ...at least you always know you're getting real and sincere interaction.

In any case, I guess the fact that social fronts are rife in society and the norm, it just shows how much emphasis humans put on having social acceptance.

In any case, now that my family has "allowed me" to become the adult I am, I realise WOW I don't just feel old inside secretly anymore, I act it too- I feel a lot more in common with my interactions with people older or much, much younger but not my own age. I think when you've been chronically ill from youth you are way more advanced in maturity because you possess a Life Perspective people your own age just don't- hence I feel kinda bad but often when I interact with people in my own age group I find myself abhorring my snobbery of thought..."what babies!"

S, some kind of soul friend on the opposite side of the world who the Universe granted when I expressed a wish for a penpal I'll still be writing to at 60 ;)

also feels similarly displaced (more from being in a long term relationship from youth which is another premature maturer and a foundation of which I also share), she says she generally can't stand people in our age group cos the things they talk about, their concerns just seem so trivial. I have to agree there...in any case I am SO GRATEFUL for the minority of mature interactions I do get...it keeps me sane and still having a love of humans!

I don't know, if I could turn back time...maybe it would have been good to be young and ignorant and grow up normally, rather than be such an old soul in such a young looking body from such a young age- cos really, it just doesn't work well with all the preconceived ideas humans assign to age...

Gassed! :-o

Oh the joy of city living never manages to disappoint.

Late last night, my entire apartment started to be consumed in the smell of...GAS! Confining me to my bedroom with the door closed, a towel shoved in the gap between the door and the floor and my windows wide open and the air purifier on.

I was kinda concerned...and seriously unimpressed but cos I had an exam the next day I decided just to (not literally) suck it in, rationalising that cos there is no gas supply to the building it should subside once the leaking portable device ran out...MAN it lasted a good 2 hours or so...and then I don't know cos my head was engulfed by the grogginess and I went to sleep.

Thankfully in the morning the fumes had gone...but SHEESH I didn't get much rest considering how much I was depending on having a top functioning brain: why do these last minute dramas always seem to happen right before I have a big assessment? (I realised, it's cos I always have some thing or another happening...)

anyway fingers crossed- looking forward to a guilt free sleep tonight but I still have a shockingly early start...whinge whinge...I'm such a night owl I think I could do 1.5X the amount I do now quite comfortably if did everything at night(much more functional, efficient and productive) instead of during the day!

You know you're kinda stressed when...

you wanna yell obscenities at little old ladies...and TELL THEM WHERE TO GO.

this is how I found myself this ONE afternoon I'm actually home in daylight(due to skipping classes cos of Mega-Need),

when a little old interfering lady wouldn't let me walk on the left hand side of the path to get to the mail room and wouldn't let me throw my garbage by opening the door instead of using the keyed door...she just kept yelling at me and telling me off! *sheesh*

in the end to avoid the rising urge to *wring neck*, like a good passive respectful asian who brainlessly kowtows to elders (and my trademark avoidance of confrontation), I turned myself back around and decided I'll check my mail another day...cos she just wasn't gonna let it slide!

I can't STAND control freaks...who don't allow you to do even the most trivial of things your own way and it in no way even affects or disadvantages them!

GRRRRRR....

Broad-Sweeping Statements

Sometimes, I find myself a fan of Broad-Sweeping Statements...

e.g

the other day I bought ALL the rice out of our food co-op...I apologised with:

Sorry, I can't help it! I'm Asian. I NEED my Rice!!!

The other broad-sweeping statement for the week was (to a friend)...

How can you NOT like Vegemite?!! You're SO Not An Aussie!

I Miss the Stars...

Terribly. I was amazed to look out from my city balcony and besides seeing right into a neighbour's kitchen sink, when I looked up I actually saw...STARS! What a treat it is to be able to see stars these days, let alone the moon- I can't even remember when I last saw it : (

This is a far cry from my regional living days, which I'm missing terribly. I used to walk home at dusk to be greeted by a serene blue-black sky flooded with the glimmer of a zillion twinkly silver stars, a luminous big swiss cheese for a moon, and a wide open road...a husband and wife pair of ducks - let's call them Martha and Bert- used to waddle and quack part of the trail home for me.

I feel homesick. It's such a struggle to live in the city- such oppression- no space, no privacy, no ability to take deep lungfuls of air, no peace...so difficult to stay healthy and functional especially with all my incessantly chain-smoking and uncivilised neighbours.

Time has flown by but even though I'm being kept busy to the point of constant exhaustion, when you're not having fun, it feels like time draws out like an interminable spider thread...

I don't know why I feel so homesick now- I think it's cos my qigong teacher was describing how he travels all over rural Australia each week sharing his knowledge, and I guess it made me feel really envious since I know and love all those places...and I know it'll be a while yet before I have enough skill and experience to be able to do the rural or "flying doctor"... although I know that there is a real need for regional health services, I think my desire now is equally motivated by wanting to have a valid excuse to regularly escape the city in the event that I still have to live here...my mum always just says..."eh why make life so difficult? Just go marry a rich farmer!"
LOL

Pretty Picture to celebrate that Spring has almost Sprung!

A Blast from the Past sent me the link to my old blog circa 2006 which I had completely forgotten about and didn't realise still existed...WOW- seems like 10 years have passed since then but it was interesting to revisit...

I was pleasantly surprised to see how good quality my simple blog used to be (relative to now) in the days before I defected to the Blogger template...when I had more time, a desktop computer, Photoshop, Dreamweaver and most importantly, a working camera!

It's been all downhill since I got my Vista(GRRRRR) laptop...but at least it's been fun having an interactive comment-capable blog :) Hopefully by year end when I get a working camera again, it'll all start to go back uphill...

p.s pretty picture pulled off old blog is of tulips at the annual Floriade festival in our nation's capital, Canberra...highly recommended!

How far down the rabbit hole?

10 hour shift and the reality of this rigid regime is starting to kick in...so I find myself rebelling by playing Chemical Brothers-Surrender at a level which could only be deemed 'inconsiderate' by the neighbours...lucky I've only drongos for neighbours and no kiddies so I'm sure if I can put up with their crap like I do, they can put up with mine!

I'm really starting to ask myself The Hard Questions I find...like, How far are you prepared to go? How much are you willing to sacrifice...

Unfortunately we were all brought up in an environment where mediocrity is not something to be tolerated so if we do something we better do it WELL or else not bother...I guess it's an ego thing as well...or rather we are so used to high standards - that is just the bare minimum....so I find myself looking at "all or nothing"- I don't know if perhaps a new standard needs to be introduced to the Family Standard....Compromise?

But somehow I feel like, I don't want to be the one to let down the side...

Synchronicity and Italian Chocolate...

LOOOVE Italian leather, Italian shoes...but most of all, Italian...CHOCOLATE!! (the only one I feel comfortable splurging on too LOL)

Anyhow it was funny, was discussing favourite chocolate with a fellow gourmand and I was telling her about this Italian (can get from Rome airport) chocolate called NOVI which I really like...

Fast forward...I was bad and just opened a new bar of reasonably pricey but still-from-supermarket chocolate I got on sale...Green & Blacks(organic)...

With that first mouthful.....Yuuuuuum...instant recognition! I flipped the bar over and sure enough...in fine print..."Made in Italy"! I don't know what it is but I just like the way they make chocolate...I'd have to say the worst, worst chocolate award has to go to the Americans...I think I tried some of their "best" stuff in some wanky department store in NYC...and...honestly, it was pretty bad. I don't rate their every day stuff like HERSHEY's either but to each her own- I know lots of people that love Peanut Butter Cups!?

Another supermarket chocolate I like is Whittaker's of New Zealand....specifically their milk and macadamia is really, really good! Unfortunately this is the only flavour they don't export here...*sigh*

As for Aussie stuff, Haighs plain chocolate which started in Adelaide is not bad either. I've found some really great little handmade chocolate stores in regional areas the best and most memorable so far due to the freshness was the handmade Belgian treats at the Chocolate Mill near Daylesford in Victoria....one of my favourite regions in this big brown land...I'd love to live there one day :-)!

Anycase I really shouldn't be eating chocolate so I figure I'll just eat tiny amounts and only get really good quality stuff...

Anyway I can't believe I got through an arts degree and intro to psychology without being aware of the Jungian term of Synchronicity until recently- this is so, so me- wow I had no idea it had a name!

Hero to Zero: People are SO Fickle...

I was outraged to hear how the Chinese superstar hurdler Liu Xiang got totally slaughtered after his achilles gave way and made him bow out of contention for the medals...ironically the theme kinda ties into what I had been planning to blog about...how people are so fickle- I CAN'T STAND these people!

In my childhood and in my teens I had the (mis?)fortune to be relatively popular. These experiences, if anything, disgusted me and have probably contributed to the passion with which I am now a comfortable loner when I want to be...

I couldn't believe how people would be friends with you when things were going well to the extent of being total suck ups following you around but as soon as things weren't favourable all your so-called "friends"could just instantly about-face and disappear. I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THIS!

I still get this kinda crap now. Because I have extremes with how I can look based on how I dress each day...In any case I can't believe how differently I get treated!!! People fail to even remember they've met me before- it's disgusting how superficial people are...I just want to scream- "I'm still the same person, damn you!!!"

Although a lot of women dress to impress, E and I have enough self confidence to not need to hide behind make up and nice clothes so we have a pact...we deliberately do not dress to impress so we weed out such superficial low lifes who will like us for looking presentable rather than for being ourselves. I just think superficial people are SO STUPID...pretty well everybody can look really good under a bit of makeup and nice threads....just to push my point- I have even been in a magazine(how ridiculous is that(!) but it just goes to show what's possible when you have skilled makeup and hair artists and a fancy dress)...it's completely evident if you look at Hollywood superstars just going to the shops without makeup and in their ugg boots-completely unglamorous-every bit a daily human like the rest of us!

In any case I just wish people were less fickle- cos shallow things like looks are so transient and are a completely unreliable way to judge how a person truly is....

In any case you know who your real friends are cos they give you the honest truth and still love you anyway...LOL

Today I walked in the clinic and no "hello" from T&M, just "YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT!!!!"

LOL I've been really sick for 4 days now- it kind of takes its toll...But at least they didn't abandon me- M gave me a massage slathered me in Vicks and Chinese liniments and gua shaed me and stuck a needle in- quick treatment between classes...then later I got more treatment- acupuncture, herbs...hopefully it works this viral thing is just NASTY and it just makes life so tough when there is very little leeway to accommodate sickness into a course as demanding as this one. So anyway friends were sweet today...giving me tissues, food, treatments and still my friends despite the fact I looked like shit and smelt like shit, was a completely disgusting walking germ-ball full of neverending snot...

There's nothing like REAL Friends :-D

Biological Warfare & Intuitive Confusion

So the jury's passed its verdict. I've been deemed too much of a respiratory contagion to attend my niece's party- so I'm tucked in bed having a good ol' much needed rest like you should on Sundays, and indulging in favourite trivial pursuits such as blogging ;)

So the other day, I chanced to meet a psychic healer. This brought some interesting discussion and I totally couldn't contain my curiosity- I, like so many others, gave her a grilling interrogation...

The reason I'm especially fascinated is because, from a young age, I've always known that I'm slightly *intuitive*, and pretty well I know that if I wanted to develop it I likely could, but I've always held myself back due to fear of the unknown and more recently due to wanting to make my own choices without being influenced by things like that...

Lately I've been influenced by the idea that you can manifest how you want your life to be, however it recently occurred to me that perhaps...maybe it's better to just go with the flow a little and save some energy! LOL

In any case, re:psychic ability and intuition, sometimes things come to me (occasionally I have made predictions which came true). Anyhow sometimes...I find myself wondering: was that thought truly psychic or is it just my ego talking? It is very hard to make a distinction and hence I never know whether to act on these "thoughts"...I think until you can completely detach from your ego, any insights you receive will always be a bit fuzzy...I know you could probably meditate for clarity and clarification, but I think a large part of me just doesn't want any excessive intuitive ability!

Doctor Doubts...

I knew from a very young age that I was not cut out to be a normal doctor- the blood and guts, having to cope with people dying on you every day, having to stay calm and react in critical situations.

However, perhaps some things are not so different :P A day in the clinic full of sick people and germs...

and I'm sick as a dog! Maybe I'd be better off as a health writer...

Sometimes when you live by yourself it is possible to go long periods without talking to anybody. When the phone rang and I heard my voice it suddenly hit me that perhaps I was sicker than I realised and my friend concurred with "you sound like you're dying!"

But although I'm heaps run down, I'm still hoping to attend my niece's 2nd b'day party...fingers crossed.

there is so little leeway with my life right now-it's not even about overstudying it is just being able to keep up with the workload and ongoing assessments- this cram course is crazy- 4 normal subjects is like 8 subjects- we're starting to move into that territory where there is absolutely no scope for a life outside of study apart from grocery shopping etc-once I fully accept that I'm restricted to 4 months a year to "enjoy life" that will be easier.

Meanwhile I'm sucking on Autumn Valley Manuka Honey Nuglets which is keeping my throat and spirits in check somewhat, sweet tooth that I am ;)

Beer Goggle Theory

Back in the city, I very quickly learnt why I can't go out Saturday nights... Article here: it's true!

Embracing Adulthood

I used to think "adults" were those cranky responsible rule obsessed individuals that were never any fun and hence I refused to turn into one...I've changed.

I think I understand adulthood has a lot more scope than my limited childhood perception. I think I like it now :)

Basically, age range wise it's about 15 years- I can look anywhere from 16 to 30+. I could pull off the lower range if I just don't open my mouth and dress like a kid. I can pull off the higher range of the scale by topics of discussion, dressing older and definitely with makeup!

This week has been an old week- I've noticed that by having a ponytail and sneaker free week. I kind of like the extra respect looking older commands LoL

In any case for the past week or so I've been having the craziest dreams with the most intricate and amazing plotlines worthy of being sold to independent movie houses LOL But actually these dreams (I remember them all), they have offered me some of the most fascinating insights...a little surprising, but basically they've been a reminder that adulthood is something to be embraced rather than a negative succumbed to as a result of the inevitable forward process of time.



p.s I wasn't able to take a picture of mine cos the camera really can't focus but this is the beautiful naturally occurring rock that called my name this week...aka the newest addition to my rock collection :)

Learning Flexibility...

Today in massage we learnt better how to diagnose a musculoskeletal ailment. One of the things we had to do was watch carefully how the patient moved. I was really happy and surprised to be told that all the stuffed up body alignment I retained from the accident, not walking and associated muscle wastage has actually improved greatly...which I can only assume is due to doing yoga regularly :)

I feel in some ways besides physical flexibility my mind has definitely gotten a lot more flexible. For example, last night I got "notified" that I'd have all these tradesmen rocking up at my door at 730am (talk about short "notice"- my body corporate sucks!)...in any case I don't like things popping up on me out of nowhere...I like routine and predictability around me to a certain extent which is highly ironic cos I personally love being unpredictable and spontaneous.

So anyhow they turned up and it could have been a big stressy get really aggravated event because they were really dodgy didn't speak English and when I came back there was DUST EVERYWHERE- in my fruit bowl, on my shelves, in my laundry, in my CLOTHES, in every crevice of every electrical appliance...they hadn't had the courtesy to prewarn me to cover things up and hadn't had the decency to drape plastic sheets for themselves....and I'm actually highly allergic to dust.

I like how I was able to take it in my stride and make adjustments without getting worked up and annoyed...or telling the rude leader of the pack with really bad stressy vibes where to go when he barked orders at me to help him out even though I'm not even one of his workers! (I did however sound my tibetan singing bowl really loooooong to cleanse my place of his bad vibes though)

I can't even use my bathroom so me the total germaphobe showered at the gym!...slowly but surely I'm getting more and more flexible!!!

So they're coming back tomorrow and rather than be anal fussy over the mess and dirt they've left I'm living in all the crap until they finish tomorrow and then I will begin the highly laborious task of de-dusting all the crap out of my freshly cleaned and now filthy dirty apartment (yup another reason why I could have gotten especially annoyed- talk about bad timing!!)

In any case, I still haven't learnt flexibility in social situations yet. I still really like familiar people...at all costs. I can't believe how sad I felt when yet another person I had gotten used to seeing around in my daily life has just disappeared off the planet. Whether it be the people who serve me at the post office or at the supermarket I get used to my "regulars" and when they suddenly leave and aren't there anymore I find it kind of rather disconcerting even though they were pretty well perfect strangers I had no meaningful or deep relationships with in the first place- I still find myself missing them- maybe I'm a lot more sentimental then I ever realised...

Still need to master the 'art of detachment' better.

p.s i'm not in such an unreal happy positive state that I fail to notice that there are a heck of a lot of complete a-holes around or that people are incredibly selfish these days, rather I choose not to focus on these losers...basically even if it seems to me that there is only one really cool nice loveable person to every 10 a-holes in the city, I just dwell on the fact that there is one really nice cool person I was privileged enough to meet^^ or else I would end up being the world's biggest negative misanthropist.

One of my favourite photographers...

When I saw Cole's portfolios I got really really excited just because it was uncanny how he's taken so many of the same kinds of things I've tried to! So obviously, I really enjoy his subject matter and the fact he shoots black and white which I just love.

I can't wait to get my hands on my properly functioning DSLR camera at year end when I can go nuts shooting...especially all those macro, detail & high contrast shots which sends my current dysfunctional camera into palpitations prior to cardiac arrest and me into cranky frustration just trying to focus!

If I end up visiting the regional areas of the states I probably want to drop into Fort Collins because apparently they have a really good black and white photography scene and I would love to see Cole's work in the flesh :)

p.s if you have a favourite photographer please do drop me a comment with the link. I love viewing good photography when I have a spare moment...cheers!

Procrastination...Big Time!

Master of Disguise...apparently I look completely different in every single photo hehe.

OBVIOUSLY I'm really struggling to get back into study mode...

Here are some random pics...

Dinner...I had nothing in the fridge and didn't want to grocery shop too much cos I'm waiting for my big organic order to arrive...in any case I like it when I really feel like eating because I then *imagine* a recipe for something new to eat- usually it always turns out really tasty- never pretty but very tasty and very quick& simple :)

I fried off some good quality chorizo in very good quality extra virgin olive oil, then fried some carrots - I then added risoni, water, a little chicken stock, white wine, simmered and then added some peas...voila! YUM I love home food! this is a little kid friendly dinner too :)

* * *

I really think I feel global warming in action when suddenly you can get locally grown summer berries in winter :P - these berries are 1) currently not available organic and 2) are prohibitively expensive organic even if they were available so these are non organic berries soaking in a watery apple cidar vinegar mixture to remove the spray from them before eating...

I stumbled into a really cool toy store by accident on my way home so I managed to pick up a little something for my niece who turns 2 next weekend! Unfortunately I forgot how old she was turning so I bought her things only appropriate for a 3 year old and then I had to call my mum to check how old she was turning and the date of her b'day - I'm losing track with all the baby booming that's been happening in the last few years! Someone's going senile...

Time just Flies!


I love how French people have such curly ornate writing...

LOL I love the doodle mate! Incidentally he aced the exam and finished it with heaps of time to spare...some people failed! wow really thought you had surrendered all your last brain cells to alcohol-obviously not- Congrats! :)

I like cool stamps like this super long one...

I love the three colours film trilogy by Krzysztof Kieslowski- I also think Juliette Binoche is awesome...this postcard also reminds me how other countries seem so cultured compared to Oz...p.s out of all 3 films red is my favourite but all are great!

Finnish people are big on snail mail- their nice stamps reflect this- note the little embossed dots- I love the care and attention to detail in their stamp design...

American stamps are not bad either- however they tend to be quite generic in design.

I like the postcard scribble detail with the buildings I thought I better document this since this is the only super luxury postcard M is ever likely to send LOL.


I am also surprised that Chicago is actually such a nice city- I always had this impression that it was a dirty smoky kinda gangster town- not sure why...I was pleasantly surprised that it is a very nice metropolis with modern skyscrapers second to none, great culture, great food scene- highly liveable...only criticism - it's "beach" is hopelessly pitiful! p.s if I ever end up going there, first stop is to try Grant Achatz's molecular gastronomy restaurant Alinea where food meets design - check out the official site for some fantastic food photography!

It's MY Life Thanks : )

So it's pretty well taken a good 27 years or so just to be able to say that comfortably...What a relief!

Living life to please others will ultimately never make one's own self happy- for people who weren't born or socialised to be assertive like me-that's the most important thing you gotta take home from this post!!!

This post got inspired when in all my excitement as usual the first thing I blabbed to my folks who just got back from overseas was my whole Go to China Further Training revelation and my recent encounter with the old wise herbal expert practitioner...

My mum's immediate reaction: "Don't be so ambitious!"

I really don't get it, maybe she herself has a complex of being scared of failure so never wants to let me even Try!! Reminder: People can survive failure and disappointment-if anything they're good lessons for how to improve!

Yes parents, you gotta learn to let go- let your kids learn things for themselves the hard way- they can't always be under your protective bubble!

So anyway, last night I did a bit more research on the scholarship by talking to one of the winners from this year. Unfortunately, because I am not white blood and cos my school doesn't offer any scholarships I won't be eligible.

I also looked into the option of travelling as part of school for clinical hours but the reality is, not knowing any Mandarin- how much will I really learn? compared to staying local...so thinking through other options- I'm getting increasingly frustrated at not being able to get sufficient training in herbs because not only is my school skewed towards manual therapies and acupuncture...even if I want to organise private training there are such a lack of good herbalists that can function in English! Perhaps...due to these limitations (and my age!) I will have to go lateral and learn western herbs rather than try and specialise in Chinese herbs for internal medicine. hmmm...

Jumping back to thought from before...it's weird how most people I know succumb to peer pressure-for me that's never been an issue- but parental pressure-wow total other story!

Anyway I'm glad I've learnt to assert myself FINALLY and hopefully with all this expert herbal treatment, in 2 years I will be a lot healthier to be a lot more self sufficient and possibly even financially independent so have less obligation to succumb to other people's interests...

I'm sure my mum will be a lot happier and more at ease if I just get a husband, have kids and be a housewife which is possibly fine (bar the last part long term) but hmmm that depends on finding THE RIGHT PERSON and that's never guaranteed...so I'm happy with my direction now :)

In any case I'm only not yet 28- so I wish people would stop worrying- I think if you're a very independent person who likes time to yourself, has friends and is busy doing what you enjoy then lonesome factor should not kick in in a big way until perhaps you're retired, stuck in a house and have few friends...then maybe, you might consider settling for companionship...LOL

Astrological Transits...what a week!

okay so I got inundated this week...seven postcards, 1 package(thanks S!), 2 new random people contact me and 3 blasts from the past!! weiiiiird.

and I didn't do anything different. no wonder i'm such a believer.

my friend reckons i believe in "hocus pocus" too much. we were talking about that whole romantic concept "when you know you just know" - she was telling me as usual that I'm being idealistic blah blah blah but I know sooooo many people who have met their significant others in magically mysterious ways and it confirmed my suspicion when I asked "well...how did your mum and dad get together then?" which was totally ironic because she said when her dad saw her mum on the street HE JUST KNEW. totally confirms my "hocus pocus" theory...

LIKE I SAID.

once you truly believe I think you always go on believing....

By the way HAPPY OLYMPICS- enjoy!!! I think this will be the first time I won't be tuning in religiously....No Time :-P

Destination China 2010

So I saw an old "expert" Chinese TCM Doctor today- one that I even needed an interpreter to see(!)

She gave me hope that I'll be healthy enough to go to China for further training :-D

Basically because I've been sick for so long the western washed down version of TCM is useless on me- ie all these powdered granules and patent pill shortcuts are just a dripping tap solution...I need the Real Deal: the bad black herbal brews comprised of a specifically tailored formula which exists only in the expert mind...the ones that turn your teeth yellow and are a challenge in itself to down even when you hold your nose!

On the upside, the sales girls were saying that this doctor makes your skin *beautiful* LOL

So anyway I've reprioritised and revised my goals slightly...so although I still dream of having my own business by 35 I'm focussing on the shorter term future first...going to China (flying a plane, living in shocking air pollution and dirt) to get specialist training in herbs...and possibly even get 100% cured :)

So my Priorities in order...1.HEALTH 2.STUDIES

Apart from seeing the expert doctor today in my health crackdown I also joined an organic food cooperative...

So that's it: each week will be an exercise in discipline and commitment and will definitely test my perseverence levels!
Having the herbal consultations and having to boil the brews to drink every day is very time consuming and pretty costly which is normal if you're on medication EVERY DAY... there is also yoga and qigong each week...I think the worst part though is sticking to a strict Chinese medicine diet- ie no spices, no caffeine...minimal to zero chocolate : (...basically minimise grease, sweet, no deep fried etc and the other challenge- sleeping early and getting sufficient hours rest!

So time wise being strictly healthy I will have to devote at least 20 hours solely to health maintenance and improvement- that's a big commitment. Cost wise I think it's probably an extra $100/week.

So something's gotta go...I guess I have to wean myself off blogging...and definitely cut out social life completely during semester - the people I see in the course of daily life will have to suffice.

Of course I will need lady luck on my side too so that everything runs smoothly and I don't suffer any further setbacks.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do...to achieve your goals....will be a good exercise in developing discipline and mental toughness(especially when it comes to having to drink that stuff twice a day-Yuck!!!)

The Girls Are Going Camping!!!

okay sorry, just got overexcited in advance as per usual. Something to look forward to though...I LOOOOOOVE Camping!

:-D


my classmate was talking about how she saw The Milky Way for the first time(!) and then I realised that her and other classmates had never seen it before cos they're such city slickers- they hadn't even been camping in Aus(!!!)


"THAT'S IT!" I said, "We're going Camping!"

And they got all excited :)

LOL should be fun...going camping with a whole bunch of girls who have never been camping before...I'm only taking the tough ones though- no Princesses allowed hehe.

edit: USEFUL TIPS TO FOREIGNERS TRAVELLING IN REGIONAL AUSTRALIA

1. lots of water

2. sun protection & insect protection

3. let someone know where you're going and when you expect to be back

4. don't disturb or try and rescue wildlife...koalas and wombats etc have VERY sharp claws...

(real story I heard recently: a good samaritan backpacker rescued an injured wombat putting it in his rental car- it regained consciousness and tore up the car causing several thousand dollars worth of damage...expensive lesson! ...we have agencies like WIRES you can contact to go rescue the animal-contact numbers are usually posted on signs along the road in high occurrence areas)

Realisation: The Hidden Benefit of Wearing Heels

So it's Winter and I look around and see all these crazy young girls (and women) wearing mini skirts and tights and barefoot ballet slippers and shivering in the cold...all Fashion Victims!

Meanwhile on cold days I am draped in a coat that could also double as a single bed blanket haha...I'm a fashion victim too- a victim of Practical fashion!

In any case because it has been unusually cold and wind ice chill lately, I've gotten out the boots...the thing is due to a former incarnation in the corporate world my boots have heels so that the nice pants don't drag on the floor...

Since my accident I haven't worn heels much but now I'm regularly back in them due to the cold, I realise Heels have a really rather useful hidden benefit!

Basically what I've noticed is that wearing high heels are Very Grounding especially if you actually walk in them all day...basically you can really feel the earth and the ground connecting under your feet. The Chinese Med view on this is that it is stimulating your Kidney1 point which lies on the sole of the foot basically in the centre of the crease that forms if you flex your toes forward... vertically it is on a line with the line between your second and third toes a little less than a third of the way horizontally up your foot...okay now you understand why point location can be a little challenging with or without scientific terminology!

In any case this point is very effective for bringing ones energies down and "grounding"- I've found this a most effective point (from guinea pig revelations) to target reiki into especially with people who have way too much happening in their heads. Massage is also great either do it yourself or if you're lucky your hubby/partner can do it for you :) Mmmm...Foot Massage that's what every hardworking woman deserves!!

Work Hard. Play Hard. Crash Hard.

I've been reaping the benefits of living close to school this week- it's only Tuesday and I've had two classes already finish super early so I can just come home and take a much needed luxurious nap :)...actually this is pretty dangerous cause I was so knocked out I almost missed a test -rocking up 15 minutes late!(Lucky it was purely a threshold task and not graded...)

So today the class that finished early was not mine but a student with a disability that I note-take for. It's been really strange coming back to my first tertiary roots-the class is in the area of visual communication and design theory...it's so fluffy and airy fairy I hate it now just as much as I did then =)...and it was so funny hearing the terms non-linear narrative and visual schema again LOL - good thing though I've had 10 years or so to come to terms with what these things might mean so lucky for the student my notes aren't too crap...like when I did it and it all went waaaay over my head...

Anyhow we saw a video from Design Kitchen so hilarious- it just reminds me that most of the design world is completely pretentious and narcissistic...their self promoting video ended with the premise that "only beautiful people can do beautiful design" (gag)...LoL you gotta get used to it when you get into these aesthetic fields though...

The lecture reminded me though of this COOL SITE I thought I should share since if you're not in a design field you probably weren't aware of it...check it out as it has loads of inspiring talks by experts in all different areas...with something definitely to capture your interest :)!

Random Thought...Self-Confidence

Everytime I start to get a little cynical about the world(usually it's other peoples "adult" cynicism rubbing off on me)...something little will happen to trigger me back into my idealistic world of colourful rainbows and twinkly stars :)

LOL imagine if I hung out with kids all day and had no memories of the challenges of the past...I'd just be one big kid...PERMANENTLY (!)

To people who get jaded with the world, cheapest freeest most effective therapy I suggest: Go hang out with a little kid for a day!

In any case it occurred to me if I ever have kids one thing I'm gonna make sure they grow up with is self-confidence and self-belief...I've noticed how fuelled purely by that, even the average person can go really really far! And true self confidence is very self-protective...I see so many people with so much potential yet they lack self esteem, confidence and self-belief...so they just sort of linger like stagnant water and don't achieve all that they are capable of...I just hope that one day they realise that they're capable of manifesting what they want out of life...but it all starts within!

3:30am Hungry-Itis

So I was dead tired- went to bed at 9pm and hence probably why I have the munchies now so am cooking myself a nice bowl of congee which should be done by breakfast...

Yesterday was nice- spent a rare day with the jetsetter sis :)

Had a much needed bit of culture and refinement which was nice for a change. Had brunch at a place that is pretty 'en vogue' at the moment -big sister's treat^^-spanish baked eggs with chorizo and a berry frappe- was o.k but for the price, the wait time for such simple food and the fact there were egg shells in it wasn't very impressive...the chorizo was blah. In any case haven't been to that part of Sydney for a bit- I forgot how pretentious (in general) Sydneysiders are...

Now my sis has become a 'burbs' chick since getting married I also showed her a couple of the artsy design shops and we checked a couple of galleries which weren't having anything great on but she was glad for cos apparently she's totally dagged out in the burbs LOL- then I also showed her a really nice French Patisserie :) For a bit she struck me as a tourist...I guess when one works so hard and is such a jetsetting career professional they kind of never have time to discover all the hidden treasures of their own city...

I'm so over this city though- I can't wait to move to regional pastures...by the ocean :)

So anyway we then made our way to the last final of the International Piano Competition...I think the majority of the crowd there was about 80- it's a shame how appreciation for classical music is so dying...

The competitors: there was a Russian, a Japanese and an American playing Prokofiev, Beethoven and Tchaikovsky respectively using a Steinway, Kawai and Steinway respectively.

Growing up with a European piano I definitely preferred the less bright sound of the Steinways but the Japanese guy was such a cutie- he was like Winnie the Pooh with glasses :) and his performance was...pleasant, whimsical even.

The Russian came across as very austere...he played a very unusual piece- from a layperson listener's view it was hard to engage with the Prokofiev- it was very temperamental, moody and changeable- it was like Bipolar...as music!

The American rounded the competition out with Tchaikovsky- his performance was a real crowd pleaser- I'll admit he was my favourite but what do I know? In the end the Russian won, the Japanese came 4th and the American rounded out the competition...

Final thought seeing it's the first time I've been to a piano competition...these piano geniuses really ought to get out in the sun more- they all look so sickly from being closed up all day!!!

What I'm feeling happy about: Real Friends.

I'm feeling really contented since I "friend culled" :)

For too long I've been used and abused. I've always been the friend for the person in need- the one to fill the void until they find their partner to fill that void, the one that people go to when they have problems but forget about when everything's fine, the one that's true value was more in being padding to make the other party look "popular" especially once a year on their birthdays :P. At the same time at the first sign of when I've needed help or have been in trouble, these pseudo friends suddenly did an impressive disappearing act or even more blatantly started running the opposite direction!

I've had it with pseudo one sided friendships...and people who just Take Take Take, So it is with Enormous Satisfaction as I get more and more certain with each passing day about life direction and how I want my life to be I cut out the dead wood and ditch the psuedo friends...I'm so glad I am no longer investing my precious time and energies on these slackers and am able to redirect this energy into people and ventures that ARE worthwhile! :)

At the end of the day though, the bottom line is, people can only use and abuse you for as long as you allow them to...so if you have loads of slacker friends- my advice is bid them Good Riddance and you'll feel better for it, I promise :)

I Love Liberation :)

Drawn to a Higher Calling...

I've been a bit on edge this whole past week...cos I could feel something big brewing in my bones...

I'm not sure if it's IT but today I had: A lighthouse moment.

If you know how sickly I've been, how I don't fly and how weak my constitution is especially in regards to air pollution etc and what a complete germaphobe I am...you'll realise just what a big deal this 'revelation' is!

Basically...I decided...I'm Going to China!!! Probably in my final year though- either with school for 3 weeks first or...I did hear about an all expenses paid 6 month scholarship today(!!)

Basically...I realise there are two choices generally for women to put their energies into at this age...you can do the whole find a hubby, settle down and have a kid start a family thing OR you can put all your energies into your career!

I think especially because I already tried the former and now I actually have freedom and autonomy, now I'm definitely more drawn to this higher calling- I don't just want to be able to help single individuals and my own family and friends...I want to be able to effect masses! And potentially by going to China I will be able to get myself completely healed! In any case it will be an awesome learning experience...I realise here my learning is so limited, if I want to really truly be REALLY GOOD I GOTTA GO TO CHINA! Eeeek the thought is terrifying, hopefully E will be there at the same time, it will be slightly less daunting- I can't speak a word of Chinese-the only time I went to Asia I got major culture shock, homesickness and couldn't stand the dirt the grime the everything!

So don't mind me but I'm just going to knuckle down and try to make it all happen- so apologies in advance if I fall off the planet during semester!