circa 1995-2000

I found a certain comfort coming full circle, a sense of being "home"...

snuggled into darkened cocoons with arty subtitled films, inspired by unknown sounds(in this case swedish jazz and jazz compositions made entirely of human voices)...

It's been a very, very long time since I've had the luxury to indulge this long lost me. It was good to come "home".

Que Sera, Sera....Escapism Love it! :D

Tomorrow will be back to another normal grind of a day, refreshed. Sometimes you just need a day off with no agenda...and entirely to yourself! Not to mention there are different SEASONS in life...a new revelation to me...is the one of stillness and silence where you conserve all your "essence" and concentrate all your energy and effort for yourself internally in prepation for external manifestation and frenzied paces at a later date??...so let's just say I'm the butterfly larvae in the cocoon growing nice and fat at the moment ;)

p.s I indulge words aka verbal diarrhoea too much hence gng to start engaging my right brain more with a picture each post(not necessarily related to the post, lol)...see how long I can last- before I get too lazy!!!

Eating one's way through boredom...

LOL, seriously. Thank God finally a good burst of sun today to save my sanity...

So like the title says I've been doing a lot of that lately- well cos most of my waking hours revolves around food...procuring it, growing it or researching how to, harvesting it, preparing it, cooking it or cleaning up after it!

One night this week I DID NOT SLEEP THE ENTIRE NIGHT just cos I was so craving to try a swiss dessert called a beesting. I guess it was not a good idea to just before bed talk about all the different food excursions we needed to do for all the various things we wanted to eat with my birthday twin....the drool turned into ALL NIGHT obsessing- lol very easy for a scorpio gal that loves eating!

So anyway today was a weird dinner possibly reflective of the chaotic state of my restless itchy feet no travel blues mind...within the one meal I had a seemingly dissonant cacophany of ingredients: beetroot, parsnip, turmeric, rice dulse, fried egg, cayenne, salt, bak choy, lettuce, spring onion, garlic, spinach and flaxseed oil. Strangely, it tasted okay...don't even try and puzzle how I worked it all together! I think these days my meals are WEIRDNESS to say the least, okay maybe as I get older I get more eccentric, but apart from that there are several major factors a) organic food doesn't store so well so I need to use what is in the fridge b)I fresh harvest from my garden c) I want maximum supernutrition...so yeah end up with weird-ass meals!!! But somewhat smugly I NEVER get sick or want to throw food away from homecooked food whereas almost every single thing I eat outside makes me sick cos of all the additives, oil, salt and crap toxic ingredients they use and possibly a lack of freshness and hygiene. I met a batty old lady on the bus talking at the top of her lungs about how she ONLY eats organic as well ...lol I could forsee me in old age right there...it was a lil scary...lol

So the interesting thing which I checked up with my bday twin to see if we concur as usual (lol never get sick of this parallel experience feeling-it's too fun!) We both feel BOOOORED as and TIRED. Interestingly enough devoid of inspiration from daily life and the people around us devoid of culture etc grounded in THIS COUNTRY indefinitely...it was interesting that we reacted in the same way unbeknownst to the other...we turned to MUSIC! Specifically the need to create it! The last day or two I had been thinking I SERIOUSLY NEED a piano and to splurge on lessons...anyway she actually ended up buying a GUITAR today to cope with the boredom-had no forewarning it was pretty random!! LOL so interesting...music is obviously a huge muse for us....

Apart from that had soooo much flower proliferation in my garden I started cutting them and sticking them in containers around the house which is pretty weird and housewifely for me...also been watching lots of DVDs with an overrepresentation of foreign and German as per usual...

and indulging pretty expensive raw organic chocolate at $8/100g...yep that's how I deal with boredom and cooped up with rain! :P

Just be You.

I don't know why there is such a need to define all the time with me...maybe it is my INTJ which loves all the labelling and neat categorization and compartmentalization think...SHELDON from Big Bang! :D

Anyway my city slicker friends call me country bumpkin but then I know REAL country bumpkins that like talking about cows all day ;) (That ain't me...LOL)

Also even my music taste...lately I've been indulging my taste for the electro sound listening to the unique experimental style of one of my music heroes MARTIN DOSH and the electropop of CUT COPY....hardly country bumpkin fare, more like the teenybopsters of any major metro city!!

So yeah I need to learn how to accept being neither full black nor white and just live with the speckled egg of white black and grey that is ALL me as well as the yellow-white banana thing I have happening, lol...innate complexity is a good thing...just cos most people don't seem to have this...it's okay to be a super minority...would be nice to live in a country and culture where more INs existed though...and to be understood by a majority rather than a very teeny tiny rare spark of genius, lol...

I hate long hair

Fast approaching the date for a chop, I was walking with a bounce in my step, when I realised that bounce could very well have actually been coming not from my feet but from my pony tail! And then I realised I actually feel a little conflicted about going for a chop cos I'll lose the ponytail! I don't know but I guess I like the whole swing-swing thing of the ponytail...it gives you the illusion of being forever young, or at least not out of touch with the child in you...since it still feels the same LOL!

Maybe it was a day of Childhood Regression. I had a 'brilliant' idea...not being able to source lucerne for my potted food plants except in 100L bags quite a distance away, it occurred to me that my guinea pig ATE the stuff...so I decided to check my local pet store...being SPRING there were so many cute babies! I had to almost bite my tongue to not want to pick up the 10week old cocoa chocolate cavy and run...I don't know why but I figure my attraction to CUTE FURRY things must be like a distorted form of maternal instinct gone wrong...hahah cos seriously I don't feel the same about actual human babies...I can very very easily say BYE and leave them very happily without a sad thought...I guess in a way it must be calculated...I like cute furry things that aren't smart enough to talk or argue back, lol...and that can be left in a cage for a few hours without people screaming child abuse!

Yes there's always a logical explanation...and perhaps like Sheldon in BIG BANG, it is purely intellectual-mental for me...it takes a cute furry baby animal to pull my heart strings rather than a baby human...as unacceptable and frowned upon in normal society that must be...for a female of my age!

Apart from that I'm really enjoying watching HAMISH AND ANDY...it's so hilarious I have to say it's an effort to not laugh so hard I'm drooling on the floor...seriously!

And my mate M is EXACTLY like an asian Hamish, in look, demeanour and schoolboyish prankster-ness...that makes it even more funny. And big thumbs up to long suffering ANDY lol...I don't think I've ever seen a better sport of a person!! I have no idea how he can refrain from giving Hamish a good ol *Splat* sometimes, lol...you gotta watch it M...your evil twin is right here in Oz!!!

Apart from that listening to my amazing DOSH cds...wow how talented is the dude...not only is the music inspiring & mesmerizing that turns me into a hypnotised productive worker bee but the album art just hits all the sweet spots! Will have to post a pic one day...maybe on the songblog. Anyway gotta run busy busy...soooo tired.

Okay maybe I'm biased but...

This is my favourite song for 2011 so far. Have a listen :)

Ohhh noooo it's no good to be a Granny!

I can't believe I have been waiting aaaages for my favourite band of the contemporary era to FRIGGIN COME DOWN UNDER again and I missed out on tickets...*sigh* feel FLAT now.

Not sure why I hesitated...I guess I forgot that in the years since I saw them they've become big name superstars so Old Granny wasn't fast enough in her little golf buggy!

Boo Hoo. I guess though that means more $ for other artists gigs...but I do feel that Down Under is often a wasteland in terms of being able to have access to good music just cos the distance is so so far for Northern hemisphere musos to have to come...

I'm tempted to go interstate to catch them...but hmph, already had to forfeit several planned trips this year cos of health....so probably not...can't get tickets so far in advance! It's each day as it comes these days...not like before I used to plan the day, the week, the month, the year in advance...I was always completely scheduled at least a month in advance...now it's really...spontaneous...things on a whim. There are benefits to this I guess...I am far more relaxed and well rested for one...

Throwing Caution to the Wind

So, it's just past midnight and I've still not prepared a presentation I have tomorrow....lol, living dangerously? Or is it just the fact that I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE cos really I've gotten to a point of enough traumas where I realise there aren't too many things that warrant getting knickers in a knot over!

I was telling my mate that Sometimes you Gotta Die before you learn how to Live...so yeah, that's me these days...living in the moment, a little recklessly...but having fun :)

P.S If you love your ear candy, please check out H.O's Beautiful Piano solo clip below...sheesh, I'm not exaggerating when I say it's so beautiful...when I heard it it ACTUALLY melted my heart!!! Too bad for the stuff up H.O- rerecord a perfect one and dedicate it to me please :) Haha! ;)

In 160Gb...Heaven! ♥

I bet lots of young'uns are laughing at how "cute" Old Grandma is...got so excited about my new Classic IPOD. Really, Grandma is amazed. I can't believe I was operating on a piddly 4Gb black and white screen for so damn long...

So anyway now that the Full Moon has blown over I'm feeling much better, thanks. Or maybe it really is like how I say: Music IS my Salvation.

In any case it's great being an introvert-it's so easy to keep self occupied and entertained and unbored...if anything, too busy and too little time and energy to engage in ALL the things I want to do. But what little I am doing is fun all the same :)

P.S H.O, you'll be pleased I just discovered how to do a ♥ - so you're gonna get ♥ ♥ ♥ - too much loving! ha-ha *LOL

Saturday Nights Out Are Creepy.

Last few days I've felt sick and incredibly tired. At 7pm I felt it was bedtime but it was 2 more hours I would have to wait to forcibly drag myself out to attend G(my last friend left in this city's) big 30th!

So anyway. Rip off taxi drivers, way too many dodgy, skanky cig smoking people on the street and male harrassment aside I was in a jazz club. Which was all fine and dandy until...the singer opened her mouth....the audio visual that immediately came to mind was: Cat being mauled in a washing machine. Ouch! Totally harsh and ungracious spectator I know. Sorry. Just, where music is concerned I have high standards and I was expecting something more at the level of angelic voice a la Katie Noonan...but no such luck. And not only that, despite the instrumental band being good, the group felt the need to play adulterated pop jazz crap and that is when I really let out a couple of sighs and wanted to bury my face in my hands...Why is it so rare to find REALLY GOOD jazz in this city...I guess I'll have to sate my expectations in Prague, Warsaw or Manhattan...

Texted my music INTJ mate my state of woe to which he wisely replied that I'd learnt my lesson and I should stick to my INTJ instincts next time...eg stay at home on a Saturday night! LOL

Yup, I'd much rather spend my Saturday nights IN cuddled up on the couch with a good DVD or book and some hot chocolate. Okay, or even studying in this instance :P

Ironically though as soon as I left that little box of too many random people who I immediately just categorised (by virtue of being in this city) as daggy, pretentious tryhards or sleazes looking for a hookup, and was out in the fresh air walking next to some marvellous old fig? trees under the open sky, I felt a whole lot better....and THAT my friends was the most enjoyable part of my Saturday night!

LOL, some people were just BORN to be Party Poopers. G is lucky I left early ;)

To be fair I am just in such an anti-this city sick of this country mode right now-it's not SUCH a hole here- my mind is just far far away all over the globe anywhere but here! And the reality is getting closer, if I want...the opportunity is tangibly there for me to defect...I just need to work out where!

This Steam Machine is A Dream!

What's wrong with eating dessert for breakfast? Nothing! Since getting a steam machine this week, My Eating and Cooking Life has been completely revolutionised- suddenly, it's all such a pleasurable BREEZE! It's awesome! Last night I made pork, cabbage and shitaake dumplings...in literally half the time I would usually spend...and they were literally cooked to perfection not like when you manually steam where it cooks unevenly or is dry or mushy in parts.

In any case, inspired by my (fellow quirky Malaysian Chinese) muse - the artist Poh on Masterchef...I've decided to get more ambitious...so my next project is to master the exotic Malaysian Kueh as a breakfast food which has plenty of scope for creative inspiration...you can buy nice enough ones in Chinatown except that they have preservatives so I'd prefer to make my own especially when my steam machine makes life so easy- all I do is turn a knob and it *rings* when it's done! Who said I didn't love technology...

p.s my favourite music to cook by right now...the lively rhythms and dulcet voice of Cesaria Evora...

The Dangers of Bjork

This Volta album of Bjork's is amazing...while it is playing I feel very much like a non-descript robot in a factory line going about my motions...and that's not cos it is boring...it is just so *hypnotic* that it induces a somewhat trancelike state in me. After a while it is actually a struggle to keep my eyes open or to be aware of anything else going on...it is that all consuming. Mental note: not to be played in the car when driving!!!

Just like reading Tolle, it's very meditative :) Possibly good to get into "Creative headspace" too!

More prolific on Cloudy Days: Miscellaneous Ramblings

I'm not sure what it is with overcast weather but I always feel like writing alot in this kind of weather - I guess it's like how some people get very productive creatively when they listen to certain types of music...

I was hoping to watch The City of Lost Children or John Safran vs God cos I've had them sitting around the last 6 months and I really should return them to my friend but I guess for me to sit down continously watching something is always a challenge to stay still cos watching a screen is such a passive exercise. At least with writing, my hyperactive brain gets a chance to run off the leash!

In any case I'm listening to Birthday (can't ever get sick of this song!!)...before I was slightly more interesting listening to Cut Copy's IN GHOST COLOURS which is a pretty enjoyable electropop album...don't have much of this kind of music in my collection but I can understand why I like it...it is very similar to New Order I think- just a more modern version. I don't know if this is a totally off presumption cos I'm not quite the fan but I suspect it is a little like Daft Punk too.

Random snippets as follows...

Random Musing 1 : Canon Marketing
I was looking through all the contents (as you do) when you have a new electronic purchase. And I saw two advertising booklets Canon had in the box- one was to promote why you need one of their IS (Image Stabilizer) lenses and the other one was on promoting why their Macro lenses are so good(apparently it is due to their USM (Ultra Sonic Motor) and hence super quiet lenses. They had this cutesy cartoon picture of a grasshopper in a flower showing that if you don't have a USM lens when you click the grasshopper will get disturbed and hop away wrecking your photo, however with a USM lens it will go on sleeping quietly enabling you to get your perfect macro shot...Cute.

I couldn't help but think I'm just like the grasshopper: whenever I get put on the spot and taken offguard like that I freak out and the adrenalin kicks in so that I run run run even before my brain verified that there was any real threat of danger in the first place...I think I've missed out on some unique opportunities by being such a hypersensitive scaredy anti-confrontational cat...I wish I wasn't so wired! But I don't think it's pathology of psychology so much...I think it's to do with a leaning towards hyperthyroidism...hence also why I can eat bucketloads of fatty junkfood and crap and not put on a scrap of flesh...luckily though I know when to stop cos the nauseous and ill feeling kicks in.

Random Musing 2: Trust your 'Irrational' instincts
I was reading how with the current astrological influence...we are going through a renaissance of the time that gave birth to the whole Hippie Revolution...and how anything that represents stability will be negatively effected eg financial institutions, home ownership etc...

This took me back to the time I ended up part-purchasing a place that I didn't feel was "right" from the start however by all practical means- location, value, investment wise etc it was pretty good.

In any case for the 2 years or so I lived there I got soooo sick and had a pretty bad run of luck. Being immobilised for so long after an accident with nothing but spare time on my hands got me considering everything under the sun and I looked into the Feng Shui of the place... which only served to confirm my suspicions...it finally reached a point I got so sick we moved to a lovely good vibes little villa in a gorgeous town...and after that my improvement and healing was speedy. Based on the luck that befell the several tenants who have lived there since I can say it was not just me!

So from that, I guess the moral of the story is Don't ever ignore those "irrational" gut instincts! If your body has some reaction loud and clear to something, chances are it knows better than any 'Mind Rationalisation' any day!!!

Music imbued with "The Spirit of Nature"

Hey Bohemian Buds!

A very talented spiritual musician happened to drop in with some music he composed that I think is pretty cool and you might like also :)

Check out 'Music is Love'- I found the piece very uplifting and inspirational :)

Newsflash, Newsflash, Newsflash!!!

My blog has MUSIC!!! Technically, I'm not slacking off, cos I need music in the background...to be able to study ;)

anyway have a listen and tell me what you think...it's a pretty random bunch of stuff (if there's any duds it's cos I threw in a handful of unheard songs by artists I like for me...)

I like so many different types of music you can probably understand why I've been accused of schizophrenia before! *LOL*

Happy, Happy, Happy :-)))

In my humble opinion, this is THE BEST INVENTION since the internet!!! *hops up and down with animated vigour*

P.S...can any geeky types tell me whether having the playlist on all day will consume all my internet download?

edit: it does...but not a whole lot unless you really leave it on playing for a while. However one reason to consider getting unlimited download!

The Trouble with Daydreaming...

It was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS :p

I call them "bad eggplant days" after those old-school computer games where you bump into a badluck charm and you then have this "bad eggplant" icon stuck to your little man for a period and everything goes wrong ie your little animated character bumps into rocks, falls over etc etc...
In any case, this post could equally accurately be called "when your thoughts come back to you-part two"...

So. Since being in the city, I've been plagued by blurry vision- with the mini reprieve I got I thought it'd be best to use that time to go check it out with a western doc...he suspects it is PURELY to do with the fact that my eyes aren't coping with the city pollution...so anyway he told me to first investigate my glasses prescription with the optometrist...

I was on my way to that vicinity(heart of the city) - on the crawling bus observing all the degradation of citylife and city people with wonderfully melancholic Sarah McLachlan in my ears for soundtrack, I was lost in deep thought...how much I HATE the city, surprise at how much being in a natural environment means to me and how much I really, really want to go back to my regional seaside town if it weren't for my conflicting interest of aquiring my professional qualifications...so I was losing myself in escapist imagination: big sky, clean air and wide open space...

So anyway, the city BIT BACK!

When I glanced up I realised shit I'm here already! (not too familiar with the exact location of the shop in the city) Talk about BAD TIMING. Right at the moment I wanted to get off the doors shut and a ticket inspector got on. Basically it was REALLY BAD TIMING- my haste to get off made it look as though I had seen the inspectors and wanted to get off implicating me as guilty straight away...so yada yada didn't get a fine, but I got a warning and all my details taken for not getting off at the stop prior...in any case I was in too passive tired defeatist mode to waste my breath clarifying my case- I let the guy get his power trip, accuse me of "being naughty" and use me as a scape goat to 'get his quota for his black book'...although it was kinda embarrassing as it happened in front of a whole audience, because I was not intentionally trying to rip the state government off of their 40c-I didn't go bright red as a beet because I had a completely clear conscience... but now I'm totally blacklisted with the authorities I better curb my daydreaming somewhat or next time it's gonna be a very expensive indulgence!

so anyhow when I finally got to the damn shop it was shut! MAN. I consoled myself by visiting my favourite music store and then another...and there I went nuts- LOl it is so dangerous to let me near a music store EVER let alone when I'm needing to "de-stress" or "console myself"!

I instantly switched to all absorbed mode eyes intensely scanning row by row shelf by shelf the entire music store for things that I might like that were on sale...

I ended up with...SIX new aquisitions...with money yet to be earnt (!!) *big smack for me!*

In case you were wondering...

>LAMB best kept secrets 1996-2004

>MORRISSEY suedehead

>ARCADE FIRE neon bible

>MUSE absolution

>SINEAD O'CONNOR so far...the best of

>ANDREW BIRD armchair apocrypha

*sigh*

Lacking restraint with the retail therapy since I haven't been out of my 1.5km bubble for so long, I went into a department store, got totally harangued by aggressive salespeople trying to sell me fragrance and beauty products and I didn't know how to get out of it...what a time sucker!:P But I found a great pair of heels (weakness for shoes!) great with jeans (we learnt in massage that heels can actually relieve certain muscular ailments as I had already concluded from experience, PLUS, I like how I get more adult credibility when I lose the sneakers and flip flops!) but alas...none left in my size ( as per usual- another reason the city doesn't suit me- back in my old town WOW shopping is great - most people there do not require XS sizing so when they do have XS they tend to always be on sale :)

ANYHOW at least the day improved greatly when I returned home and watched JUNO (details in separate post).

Later since I had to go out to return the DVD I thought I'd meet up with my one local friend for a drink(cos I was really feeling like I needed one...and I'm not stupid enough to enter a pub/bar unescorted)...however he wasn't punctual and while waiting a few minutes on the road I got sick of being harrassed for money. sheesh early evening in the city you get harrassed by druggies, later evening you get harrassed by grogged up drongos...ARGHHHHHHHHH I just can't win in the city!

So anyway I decided to head back(little tolerance to put up with crap)...along the way, my curiosity made for an impromptu stop at my first ever dog race! Hey Cool-certainly a new and interesting experience for me! It was all beer, smokes and snags...I found it highly amusing and ironic that I always get bagged out for being such a *country bumpkin* but it took being right in the city to actually feel for the first time like I was in the stereotype of what urbanites think country people are all about! :P

J'adore!

This is off my Song Blog...but I love this clip THAT MUCH I had to post it here too so noone would miss out! :)

Music "Je Reviens" by AUTOUR DE LUCIE. Animation by ROCINANTE. (Who is this mysterious Rocinante - I love his/her/their work!)



p.s the song is off the album FAUX MOUVEMENT which I'm having alot of trouble obtaining (this has happened so many times!) So I'm going to have to work my connections to get someone in France to buy it and post it over if I don't want to wait 3-4 months...if any music buffs are reading this and know any good online sites where I can circumvent such inconveniences to acquire my more electic tastes, could you please let me know? Thanks!