Progress...AT LAST!!! :o)

LOL...it is like some ridiculous time here and my weekend is so busy but as a hardcore blogger I HAD to UPDATE ;)

Cos wow so exciting...FINALLY I was able to ACHIEVE...SOMETHING...new!!! woohoo! :D

Can you guess? (If no, read *THE HINT*)

*HINT*...well I can only so far go in a straight line, lol. Any kind of bumps send me careening all over! LOL!!!

So yeah...finally I am on my way to achieving a life long dream, lol, well at least one of many...another two include learning the piano and being conversationally fluent in another language that I get to use...I'm figuring in Oz the only worth learning are a) Mandarin or b) Japanese...considering I much prefer the people and culture of the latter I'm thinking b). But who knows...I have no idea if I will have the time and discipline and commitment or motivation...

So yeah for other WOULD BE WANNABE BIKE RIDERS here is what I learnt in my *breathrough* moment of being able to pedal continuously...

1. YOU SERIOUSLY NEED A BIG WIDE FLAT ROAD. All this time since my dad bought me the bike the few times I tried was in a narrow short driveway with potplants and recycling bins in the way. Until you are fairly good there is NO WAY you can manouevre those kinds of obstacles at low speeds, let alone learn to pedal! So basically yeah that was the main issue...basically as soon as I worked up the guts to try out on the road I was very quickly able to pedal the bike!! (Steering is another story...lol let alone balancing- so far forward momentum is my best friend, oh...along with my...brakes(!!) HAHA

So yeah apart from that exotic earwax effects of Thai food and chatting with 91 year old sailors who fought in the Korean war, it's shaping up to be a very interesting and fun weekend! But more interesting revelations and anecdotes later...

Hope yours is fun too...

Pink Love Hearts and Fluffy Bunnies!!(that's SARCASM.)
*Zhen* the girl who is "like out of Harry Potter"!(apparently)

I dreamt I had a Hairy Chest...

And had to Shave it!!! BEAT that for a dream HO, lol...not as nightmarish as I would have thought but icky feel...

Obviously deep down somewhere someone still has latent Man Wannabe issues...LOL!

Have a good weekend...hope you're still laughing!

♥♥ zhen

Tall, Dark, Handsome...

Stranger!

About two weeks ago I had a dream about a very good looking dark brown haired male. So I wasn't surprised when some turned up...Thing is I just don't know which one it is yet! Or whether it's one I haven't met yet! LOL

Patience is a Virtue, Z! LOL

The Search...

okay I managed to keep it almost to myself for only a few hours, lol...I suck at keeping my own secrets people like HO will be happy to know...

So I woke up having put my finger on it...

Recently I had a really strong compulsion like an amplification perhaps of my long held inner most desire to just up and go...you guys know I hate living in the city in particular this one...

So anyway apart from the clean air and space etc I realised socially I guess what I'm wanting to find in a new environment is what is hard to find in big cities perhaps a sense of "community" and a bit of a back to some old fashioned "values"! I know this could be found in church but I guess that is almost too much of a monoculture for me to be comfortable with...I guess having always been drawn to diversity, voluntary engagement with just one culture is not balanced or healthy-normal for me, or that is my perception and belief anyway...

oh P.S Dream interpreting extraoirdinaires...what does this mean? I dreamt of a very cute border collie puppy and was patting it and then another with a motherly instinct kept nipping at me.

Willy Wonka Lives!!!

I was so amazingly bored out of my brain today I even persisted to actually finish a Sudoku that was so hard it took me possibly an hour between commuting and eating to solve it! Meanwhile I had already decided to look up what recreational night classes I might join...I think as everybody prepares to travel without me, I feel especially restless with envy! So need to find something to get excited about as consolation :p (Sheer intensity of boredom today even motivated me to think I might dig out and start carrying DSLR around opportunistically and actually applying myself to try and take one decent photo a month once I learn how to work around it's unpredictable and temperamental nature...now my computer is back up finally and I can make spare time, no excuses...)

A seriously boring day. So I was absolutely delighted when I serendipitously managed to catch the most *amazing* food show ever...Heston's Feasts! The guy is utter GENIUS. GENIUS!!!!

I was especially chuffed cos I am such a HUGE enduring FAN of the 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with Gene Wilder...which still captures my imagination so much that I always watch it whenever it comes on never tiring of repeats...

Can you believe Heston created Lickable Wallpaper For Real? Wow....I've uncovered a new Hero...what a fantastically imaginative, innovative, awe-inspiring, eccentric, creative, wacky show! Where food meets science meets madness and genius and creativity! All the things I love most all in the one show- wow, TV has never been so good. Iron Chef is totally lame by comparison...

Can't wait for the next Episode with the theme of Fairytales- can't wait for the house from Hansel and Gretel!

Global warming is affecting my sleep!

Not sure if it's the geographic or scientifically correct term but I dreamt of Continental Drift last night!!!

I was standing on a rock cliff or the earth's crust or something and other pieces had broken off and were floating away. I managed to jump into a small silver cauldron and float to the next piece of floating rock.

What a bizarre dream. Would appreciate any "deep" analyses of what it all means!

Not sure how it came about-possibly cos at the beach the other day I couldn't lie on the sand cos the waves were so huge the entire beach got consumed!!! And I attribute that very strange & crazy event to...Global Warming!!! :P

Diamonds don't Crack, do they?

Yeah I know H.O I'm running atrociously behind and I know I still owe you a good ol "farmer" post but you'll have to be contented with A Girl's Best Friend in the meantime...

cos I have this recurring dream...NIGHTMARE! I look down at the ring on my hand only to discover a big gaping hole(s) where the diamond(s) should be! ARGHHHHH....Stress!

In this latest edition I looked all over the carpet and found 2 fakes of bad quality probably glass...and the third one I found was my one...the real twinkling thing...it had cracked at it's base out of the setting!

But after waking from the nightmare my rational brain realised...DUH diamonds don't even crack/break...or do they?

In any case this dream got me missing the beauty of mine on my fingers...so since I now live in a much more civilised, gentrified, snooty (read:affluent) area where not every second person wants to mug you cos there are so much bigger fish to fry, I was really tempted to unleash my beauties from their place of safekeeping...cos hey, it's not a CRIME to like wearing diamonds...after all, they ARE a girl's best friend ;)

And that was two steps backward for the feminists...sorry! One step forward for the boy-girl tho ;) (My best, misanthropic, man-hating, moralistic, always shaking her head at me and my antics girlfriend actually APPROVED too! wow, great :D

*twinkle twinkle sparkle sparkle*

Ze World is My Oyster :)

I woke up feeling very excited about life...all the possibilities- possibilities you can only have when you have leeway to exercise a great amount of personal autonomy and freedom :)

In any case I got excited when I heard about the chance to experience life in a different part of the world, a very different part of the world, and where I could still be plying my trade...

In any case like everyone else I have no idea what the future holds but all the possibilities right now seem very exciting...and really quite diverse...only time will tell, I guess!

What a Cool Dream!

I saw a closeup photo of a baby tomato growing in the sunlight. Day by day the tomato grew bigger and bigger....and when it was full grown, red and plump I reached into the photo and plucked it and was astonished when my hand retrieved a chilly firm fresh tomato in real life(the one in the photo was no longer there)....if only reality were as cool as dreams!!!

Fingerprints

I had a very disturbing dream - not nightmarish enough to wake me up but bad enough to have a very unrestful sleep.

I think an old woman got murdered- I knew some details that might implicate me and I knew that if I talked I'd be taken in as the chief suspect/have my life threatened. Hence I spent a lot of time hiding in a room constantly worrying that the authorities would come and get me and was incredibly careful to leave no fingerprints anywhere...it was a very draining exercise...even in a dream :P

I still have no idea what it means - I can't see how it in any way relates to my real life...

p.s I'm thinking I'm over blogging...also cos I found this blog which is a great reflection of my life...I found this article particularly fascinating...although I test as neither an A nor B(which is the healthiest to be according to a psychologist) I think I'm very much always living a type A lifestyle! And I don't see how it's avoidable...

My Country Bumpkin Lifestyle ^^!

*sigh...so contented pretending to live my country bumpkin lifestyle...got out of bed bright and early: 5:45am....at this time of the day things are still nice and quiet and the air is still clean...I cooked breakfast then put on the dulcet and civilised tones of Erik Satie to bake banana cake to...it's just about done *drool*...

It's so much easier to stay sane with a bit of peace, quiet and clean air(yes those smoke seals have really changed my life!!) I guess part of the last week's solar eclipse was probably compounded by some kind of nicotine, weed, and hash withdrawal cos I'd been so used to passively chainsmoking from all my dero neighbours below me... so if my blogposts start to get boring you'll know why! LOL but at least my health is well on the way to recovery...

In any case if I really were in my rural/coastal oasis...I guess rather than tending my blog I would be out for a walk to feed my chickens and check for eggs and in the summer possibly a quick dip...and reading on my outdoor swing!

I can't wait till my "lifestyle" becomes a reality...yeah I guess I'll probably be thinking about a patient or two too...even on those days off! But my phone will definitely be unplugged and turned OFF!

The Burden of being Spiritually Gifted?

There are two eclipses this month- I'm not sure whether that is why it's been particularly "noisy" or what...Strangely, I contacted one of my spiritual girlfriends for a recommendation for an energy worker...and she said that she's been going through a really bad patch of intense dreams too!! BIZARRE! So in both cases neither of us have been able to sleep properly and after most of last night awake and the past few nights full of dreams I for one am starting to get those god awful panda eyes etched deeper(!)

In any case I recently acquired two similarly spritually conscious & aware/receptive girlfriends locally: the first I've found in real life and if anything I conclude, the "gift" can definitely be a burden!!! However, it's kinda nice to have people that can relate on this level...for once.

I think until you really grow into your spiritual maturity, it can all get a bit confusing and overwhelming at times!

A Dream.

"I had another flying dream which was a nice escape. i was slung onto a helicopter in a slingchair riding the open sky my left hand was holding a large black umbrella mary poppins style and i was flying over a sound. the water was deep blue and there were little icebergs glittering from the sun like diamonds. ahhhh...if only i could live in my dreams!"

It's 1:23am and...

I'm BORED OUT OF MY BRAIN! (this very rarely happens). I'm waiting for my hair to dry.

Had a great yoga session tonight (first I've managed in 3 weeks but apart from that...blergh....the daily grind is just getting too mundane....cramming, cramming, cramming. I think it only struck me how sucky my current routine existence is after I managed to see REAL LIVE friends(by accident) and realised it is actually fun having these :p...and when a friend pointed out that basically our existence revolves around 1)study and 2)making sure we don't fail. That reductionist view of our lives has festered into discontent...and if I wasn't so overcommitted time wise I would be so tempted to just select some random date in some random drop down menu and just take some random trip...somewhere. I think I can be a bit of a demanding excitement junkie when my life is not packed to the rafters...Need so much mental stimulation...

I also found out that this year's breaks are my last "holiday" periods before I enter the working world, which for our field means no real holidays again...hmmm, so tempted to actually take a proper trip....hmmm maybe I'm just feeling envy that the folks are in the other hemisphere, with my sister just returned and my other sister due to go in October. That just leaves me the sole non-jetsetter in our family :( oh well at least there are less than 12 hours before I get to see my mate D from Japan and we're going to stuff our faces over yum cha...so that will be at least some "event" in my mundane existence...

I liked this Dream :)

Well the rest of the dream was pretty crazy like weird obstacle courses where my daredevil mate was riding a horse drawn wagon trying to jump the entire horse and buggy over other horses ahead of him...and I don't remember much else but the end was like the end credits of a film...with a title reading

"The Best Things in Life are The Simplest Ones!"

LOL, so it got me thinking what are some of the simplest things unique to me that make me Ooze Joy... this is a working list cos my brain doesn't kick into full force until well after 5pm ;)

* Happy Guinea Pigs (when guinea pigs are OVERJOYED they run around excitedly and "hop" like little kernels of popping corn emitting little "yelps" of delight...it is one of the Cutest things you can ever witness EVER.

* Being able to satiate a Food Craving and not be disappointed currently this is Green&Blacks Italian style chocolate, organic dried apricots, MSG free wonton noodles and northern style pan fried pork dumplings with vinegar...

* Foreign Correspondence and resulting culture class with people all around the world :-D

* Escaping into Nature whether it be a salt breeze with big mouthed pelicans or misty dew green mountains or big, clear blue sky, yellow grasses and vast expanses of empty tarmac ahead.

* Inspiration from people, music, film, philosophers, art

Adventures in the city

So. I spent the entire weekend sitting on my ass in a seminar...but it was surprisingly enjoyable...and my brain juices were all stimulated and flowing and excited...inspired... so that's what I call a GOOD TIME! LOL does that make me a "N-yerd"?! (You so gotta see American Splendour if you wanna know the origin of that expression!)

Anyhow after being on my ass enclosed all day I decided to take a long protracted wander exploration in the search of some fish and chips...weird sudden craving cos really I don't really eat fish- I think I went close to 20 years completely fish free before I started it again (in the interests of good health of course!) It all started with a trip to the fish market when I was 3 or 4 - I saw all the glass eyed fish and asked my Pa if they were sleeping? When I found they weren't I felt very empathic with them and went on a fish boycott.

It continued when I saw some cutesy Japanese cartoon pencil case that said "Fish are my friends not my food!" and I stuck to it faithfully before I started getting all into diet therapy...

Asides aside, I ended up walking through a part of the city I'd never walked before and it was nice checking out all the old architecture and imagining picture perfect freeze frames for when I get my DSLR- I just love sandstone and cobblestone alleyways!

I also found myself *daydreaming* about when I can finally leave this city...in total honesty, I find this city very disheartening...on the rare occasions I do get out of my bubble I can't help but notice that there really are so many A-holes around! Several words come to mind when I think of Sydneysiders...Superficial, Shallow, Selfish, Pretentious! oh and increasingly...really quite materialistic!

Being back in Sydney these past few months is the sole reason I attribute to my gradually diminishing faith in people and also the reason why I've stopped making any effort to even vaguely meld and I've also stopped bothering being overtly nice, considerate or decent...it's also the reason why I love the *nice* haven of the blogging world and also physically escape every small opportunity I get with the past winter break and this summer break no exception...I escape this city purely so I can face it again with a renewed faith in people(!)

So anyhow my daydreams are not only filled with short breaks out of this city, they've actually evolved into detailed and practical plans for how to permanently leave and resettle in some other part of this awesome country! I have a fair few ideas about where but Western Australia is the final unchartered frontier I need to check out before I can firm up deciding on my final destination...

I'm feeling good as my dreams become concrete and practical plans and as the time ticks on I just get closer and closer to my dreams coming to fruition which once seemed so far away and intangible!

In this sense, it was a really satisfying day :)

Sleeping on a Stone

A while ago Stoneweaver suggested sleeping on a stone.

The other day before sleeping I was going through my special box of rocks and admiring how pretty the gold flecks in my dark blue lapis lazuli were - a stone I had bought a while back but never really paid much attention to before...

Without much thought I popped it under my pillow.

Wow. Last night was the second night in a row I had the lapis lazuli under my pillow...

I had my first (free) flying dream. Not only that but I was flying over the ocean all around Australia scanning the beautiful coastline from above! :-D

I have no idea how this dream came about...perhaps it had something to do with reading about Jetman earlier in the week, or maybe it had something to do with reading the wizarding world of Harry Potter before bed?!!

Hopeful ; )

Most people know Murphy's Law as "whatever can go wrong will go wrong".

Idealistic types like me who like to believe in miracles might like this new take on the definition...

"Anything that has a probability of happening >0 CAN and WILL happen. No exceptions."

I'm hopeful ; )

Crazy Ideas with The Saturn Return!

So it's been "tomorrow" and then some, but I'm still feeling quarterlife crisis-y...

I guess it all comes down to being triggered- so last week there was a series of events which reminded me of human fragility, mortality etc and that life is short...and hence that we should ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!

this thought sent me into a tailspin examining my current life, and how it is so rigid with no scope for fun that if I really think about it I feel very much like a caged bird...and long to be free as a butterfly!

I guess The Saturn Return also compels you to look at your life and question "what is really important to me"? and I realise I have a great desire to be with nature, in a natural environment and to feel free...

but in the city I really feel like a caged bird. Not only that but although this is the city I know best, I really don't feel like I belong. I guess it is like my friend who is moving to Melbourne- she went for the first time only last week but immediately thought "I'm home"...even though I knew nobody in my regional town and the general population were all retirees some decades my senior, I felt a lot more at home. True Sydneysiders just seem so ridiculously pretentious especially to those of us who regularly interact with people ex-Sydney...

So spur of the moment crazy idea...maybe I should fling aside some 'duty' for a bit and investigate my dream: I want to live off the land! or at least try it so maybe spend the summer on a farm fruitpicking(!!!)

Basically when I really dug deep asking what I want in life- the honest answer that came back was shamefully simple and very disturbing...a far cry from my big headed idealism of trying to help heal people via TCM...

Basically, all I really want is to have a cottage on a reasonably secluded rural or coastal property where clean air and beautiful space is abundant, and sit on the verandah in a rocking chair with a cup of tea, watching the gum trees sway in the breeze listening to the kookaburras laugh while the sun sets and my chickens and ducks peck and wander aimlessly...and maybe being able to walk to a desolate beach round the corner for a run with my tin tin dog and to squelch my bare feet in the wet sand and then come back to my organic veggie patch and fruit trees to pick some fresh produce in time for dinner. That's all- not too much to ask?!(!!) Somehow it feels wrong to have such self serving desires and to not have a purpose that benefits the wider community...

LOL when I read back though that...sheesh! what I want in life just shows how much of an Old Granny lives in this body!

The Trouble with Daydreaming...

It was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS :p

I call them "bad eggplant days" after those old-school computer games where you bump into a badluck charm and you then have this "bad eggplant" icon stuck to your little man for a period and everything goes wrong ie your little animated character bumps into rocks, falls over etc etc...
In any case, this post could equally accurately be called "when your thoughts come back to you-part two"...

So. Since being in the city, I've been plagued by blurry vision- with the mini reprieve I got I thought it'd be best to use that time to go check it out with a western doc...he suspects it is PURELY to do with the fact that my eyes aren't coping with the city pollution...so anyway he told me to first investigate my glasses prescription with the optometrist...

I was on my way to that vicinity(heart of the city) - on the crawling bus observing all the degradation of citylife and city people with wonderfully melancholic Sarah McLachlan in my ears for soundtrack, I was lost in deep thought...how much I HATE the city, surprise at how much being in a natural environment means to me and how much I really, really want to go back to my regional seaside town if it weren't for my conflicting interest of aquiring my professional qualifications...so I was losing myself in escapist imagination: big sky, clean air and wide open space...

So anyway, the city BIT BACK!

When I glanced up I realised shit I'm here already! (not too familiar with the exact location of the shop in the city) Talk about BAD TIMING. Right at the moment I wanted to get off the doors shut and a ticket inspector got on. Basically it was REALLY BAD TIMING- my haste to get off made it look as though I had seen the inspectors and wanted to get off implicating me as guilty straight away...so yada yada didn't get a fine, but I got a warning and all my details taken for not getting off at the stop prior...in any case I was in too passive tired defeatist mode to waste my breath clarifying my case- I let the guy get his power trip, accuse me of "being naughty" and use me as a scape goat to 'get his quota for his black book'...although it was kinda embarrassing as it happened in front of a whole audience, because I was not intentionally trying to rip the state government off of their 40c-I didn't go bright red as a beet because I had a completely clear conscience... but now I'm totally blacklisted with the authorities I better curb my daydreaming somewhat or next time it's gonna be a very expensive indulgence!

so anyhow when I finally got to the damn shop it was shut! MAN. I consoled myself by visiting my favourite music store and then another...and there I went nuts- LOl it is so dangerous to let me near a music store EVER let alone when I'm needing to "de-stress" or "console myself"!

I instantly switched to all absorbed mode eyes intensely scanning row by row shelf by shelf the entire music store for things that I might like that were on sale...

I ended up with...SIX new aquisitions...with money yet to be earnt (!!) *big smack for me!*

In case you were wondering...

>LAMB best kept secrets 1996-2004

>MORRISSEY suedehead

>ARCADE FIRE neon bible

>MUSE absolution

>SINEAD O'CONNOR so far...the best of

>ANDREW BIRD armchair apocrypha

*sigh*

Lacking restraint with the retail therapy since I haven't been out of my 1.5km bubble for so long, I went into a department store, got totally harangued by aggressive salespeople trying to sell me fragrance and beauty products and I didn't know how to get out of it...what a time sucker!:P But I found a great pair of heels (weakness for shoes!) great with jeans (we learnt in massage that heels can actually relieve certain muscular ailments as I had already concluded from experience, PLUS, I like how I get more adult credibility when I lose the sneakers and flip flops!) but alas...none left in my size ( as per usual- another reason the city doesn't suit me- back in my old town WOW shopping is great - most people there do not require XS sizing so when they do have XS they tend to always be on sale :)

ANYHOW at least the day improved greatly when I returned home and watched JUNO (details in separate post).

Later since I had to go out to return the DVD I thought I'd meet up with my one local friend for a drink(cos I was really feeling like I needed one...and I'm not stupid enough to enter a pub/bar unescorted)...however he wasn't punctual and while waiting a few minutes on the road I got sick of being harrassed for money. sheesh early evening in the city you get harrassed by druggies, later evening you get harrassed by grogged up drongos...ARGHHHHHHHHH I just can't win in the city!

So anyway I decided to head back(little tolerance to put up with crap)...along the way, my curiosity made for an impromptu stop at my first ever dog race! Hey Cool-certainly a new and interesting experience for me! It was all beer, smokes and snags...I found it highly amusing and ironic that I always get bagged out for being such a *country bumpkin* but it took being right in the city to actually feel for the first time like I was in the stereotype of what urbanites think country people are all about! :P