Monday, December 5, 2011

Stop The Blog

Hmmm today I had some massive revelations and had the thought maybe I should stop scattering my energies so much especially in trivial pursuits such as blogging...surely I can find better "therapy" elsewhere? LOL or maybe as you get older the need for privacy increases?

Anyway it's pretty exciting and hectic busy for me right now...today has been an incredible day...I think being too busy and mentally preoccupied is probably my most healthy natural state!

I also think I'm moving from a state of idealism to one more of cynicism? Perhaps my inner child is coming more into resonance with the golden oldie here?

Anyway you can still keep in touch by email, chat and post!!! I'm not sure if I'm coming back here...we'll see! Or maybe if I keep a blog I will keep it a private access granted only one...it's been interesting to meet so many random strangers here but I think I'm just too tired to keep juggling so many random strangers anymore...Or maybe I am tired of investing in transient people...

May you have a nice blessed life! :)

Friday, December 2, 2011

"You don't belong here!"

It was the inevitable waiting to happen...Quite a JOKE really coming from a white INVADER of convict descent who has only populated this country for a mere blink of its history...

And treated its rightful owners with such contempt. If I were any closer I might have liked to add my own correction: "Well then, neither do you!"

In any case I didn't choose to be here: the choice was made for me. That got me thinking...just like people of mixed ethnicity who have a right to choose between each parents citizenships, people who had their nationality and citizenship decided for them as a child should have the right to decide which country they choose to belong to as an adult. Cos seriously after what I have experienced in my latter years here particularly recently I would seriously considering rescinding my citizenship...for one I am SO EMBARRASSED. In the past few months the few times I had non white looking people come to visit I'd say there was at least a 50% strike rate of a racial incident against them. It is embarrassing...as an idealist if I could rule the world I would make a global country purely with a population of educated and evolved minds. And like toyboy says the only way to end racism is probably to interbreed until everybody resembles a truly global ethnicity...

Maybe that is why I like NYC so much- it is like the global capital of the world...racism doesn't...CAN'T fly as much as it does here...I guess though that it is the effects of the Global Financial Crisis...the increasing resentment of the ethnicities that tend to be successful, rich and why? Because they work damn hard and have had their forefathers sacrifice a lot for them to receive a proper education and training so that they have a future their forefathers could only have dreamed of...

Okay before I get lured into being and staying completely racist myself I have to say that it IS a minority of imbeciles and I have great white aussie neighbours and people on the whole are pretty good compared to other countries...but that is also because apart from aesthetics there is nothing "obviously foreign" about me...

But yeah having lived the entire time here I can definitely say there is a revival of White Australia happening here big time! I just wish there were more aboriginals around to tell these bigoted invaders off LOL! For people who are not familiar with this country don't be surprised that you will be hard pressed to view ANY indigenous Australians(Aborigines) in daily life in the city...for that you need to go into the remote and desert regions...

Basically unless you are WHITE and MALE Australia is NOT paradise socially. It IS a beautiful country of space and nature and a great outdoors life though...

In other news I saw a very sad, shocked and traumatised looking Kookaburra sitting on my fence...then it occurred to me with all the slaughtering of the trees that went down today...my kookaburra friends are out of a home! Oh it's sad, Man and his unthoughtful destruction everywhere he goes...

A Point of Difference

(The only problem with living in gorgeous natural surrounds is that when it comes time for the trees to get a trim it is a VERY NOISY sleep defying procedure...between the horsepower revolutions of the electric chainsaw to the *whoosh!* as the thundering vibrations of large branches fall and hit the ground...)

I recently came across a character so refreshing I felt genuinely compelled and drawn for no other reason than uniqueness and a MUCH NEEDED 'breath of fresh air'...a point of difference amongst the stock standard majority culture of this isolated backwater.

Recently I felt so frustrated in this country with its trademark chauvinistic treatment of women to its low standards, anti intellectualism and bordering racist treatment of ethnic minorities...I remember learning about our country being a "melting pot" in primary school... rather than a melting pot it is increasingly pockets of different ethnicities all co-existing side by side and failing to have any flow of discourse between neighbours...breeding resentment especially if that culture wants to practise and preserve its indigenous traditions. I think the problem needs to be approached with a healthy balance...that all ethnic groups should have the freedom to practise their culture such as religious festivals and whatnot that doesn't violate the laws of that country however they should still care to make an effort with the mother tongue and integrate with the rest of the residents of their host country...

So as I've exited a globally flavoured educated intellectual context I have more than noticed the external population here have a really strong reaction to me- they either like or dislike me immensely...I have the ability to polarise populations! LOL Basically I think it stands as this...anybody who appreciates uniqueness and individualism will side with me but those who feel threatened by anything that is not status quo and need a generic robot standard will find me very challenging because I refuse to conform. Perhaps why I well deserve the "anti-conformist" and "rebel" label my folks pinned on me at a young age...

When I was younger perhaps it was more a case of "rebel without a cause" but as I grow older and feel incredibly oppressed by the dominant dissonant culture I feel a need to assert my right to be different and resentment towards people wanting to push me into boxes just so they feel more comfortable about themselves! And more than ever I feel a need to preserve my standards...and that the way forward is to push boundaries and always aim towards higher things. Not to stay complacent and degenerate...So there's definitely a clash of values happening here...

I guess when one's character defies all common and expected norms and sits at the far end of the bell curve and is not mute...yeah that invites a lot of arrows fired your way. I guess insecurity is a normal part of biological evolution...and a healthy characteristic of self preservation and survival instinct...so at the end of the day ALIENS, UNITE! lol well either that or leave like everybody I actually like seems to...

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dinner: One Cucumber :-o!

No I'm not depressed and lost my appetite. No I'm not so poor I can only afford one cucumber. No I'm not doing some heroic fast for some niche political cause. No I'm not depressed and have body image issues so I will only let myself eat one cucumber cos I'm on some silly diet...

But I DID just have ONE cucumber for dinner!! You see cos this was not any old cucumber! It was a *magic cucumber* I grew MYSELF! ^^ ^^ ^^

So it was a pretty special cucumber...and I found that out when I ate it...Wowee I was SOooo FULL! (I'm not kidding!!!)

I've actually had this conversation with one of my food grower buddies before...basically anything you grow yourself completely organically...it just is more filling! Why? Not quite sure but we theorized that it had something to do with all that TIME it takes to grow NATURALLY without the use of chemical fertilizers etc...well it has taken in all that sun and air energy from so many days!

But apart from that it also had a lot more flavour than that watered down commercial crap. Anyway now that I harvested my sole cucumber I'm going to have to wait quite a while for the next magic one...lol so lucky I have funds to buy sufficient ingredients for alternative dinners while I wait...That's the trouble with growing things in pots...you can't grow on mass...but eh who wants to eat 10 cucumbers every night anyway?

p.s My conclusions and observations of late...people my age and in my age and vicinity are 90% CRAZY, women ESPECIALLY are CRAZY!
p.p.s I REALLY hate this Tall Poppy Syndrome culture we have here...basically someone is always jealous of you of EVERYTHING and hates you for no better reason than for whatever lame reason they can come up with or wherever their insecurity lies...it's all this projection crap!
p.p.s my final rant is that non old and non young people are all so boring geez all they wanna talk about is relationships, people gossip etc...for an INTJ mentality boy this is tiresome! *yawn*
p.p.p.s I totally buy into that life works in terms of REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY...if you don't want something you get it in DROVES and if you do you DON'T! so yes for whatever you want I think you should probably construe it in your head as "I don't want this"...and voila...see I know ALLLLL the cool magic tricks, lol! Unfortunately however I have still not worked out how to make poorly made CDs know how to play music without skipping...grrrrr! I will hold out on CDs yet...Grandma is not quite ready to make the sacriligeous transition to digitized music :P

Progress...or lack thereof!

I visited my first alma mater tonight...it brought back a lot of memories and I was seriously impressed with how glam it has become...saw a fun film based on a comic about postgraduate life...Piled higher and deeper...it was nice to be in the midst of similarly intellectual people that could relate to the agony only those who have spent a third of their life in tertiary education facilities and the unique problems encountered by devoting so much of your youth to furthering your knowledge...

Meanwhile other people have had three kids ;) relocated to and travelled various continents several times already and even all the divorcees are getting REmarried lol! Shows how time flies...while you're busy with your head stuck in books...

Cannot compare though...furthering knowledge and saving the world as a direct offshoot of what you learn is quite a noble pursuit...haha. Just when people ask so...what's new? There isn't always a whole lot to say when these things can be the same old same old for years!

Or maybe I secretly can't get enough of the student life...in some respects student life is your heyday of fun times and sweet memories...but not so much as you get older and broker...and have student debts reaching for the sky... :P

But yeah for all the lack of visible progress I feel ALOT of things wriggling under the surface...it's even a bit exciting actually...

Monday, November 28, 2011

Down the internet drain: Life staring at a screen

It's so easy to live your life in the virtual world...it's so easy to get sucked in with all the candy available on the internet, to be lured by colourful characters and wonderful personas...

The reason I say this is because it's quite alarming how much many people don't see any line between virtual and real worlds...

It's particularly alarming this trend of people falling in love with people they never met...not saying that I'm cynical...it's just disturbing how "sure" people can seem to be about someone before they even meet them...

I think much of it is false hope, illusion. Delusion. On a grand scale. And most of the world is sucked in and addicted. Even with me it's like varying suction on a vacuum cleaner how much I can't walk by a live internet connection without checking something or walk past a computer without turning it on (especially when it is raining outside all week :P)...whatever the case, the computer internet life is not a healthy existence...why do people reject the open sky, the vibrant light of day, a refreshing breeze and the damp caress of fresh grass for what? An existence in front of a lit screen in a dim box.

In any case of course I wouldn't get sucked in bar something pretty unique and special. I just got sent a video of telekinesis...that's quite a trick! In any case my first ego thought was "surely I can do it too I should try!" lol...reminds me of the time I found myself in front of a "magician" who was just practising basic science tricks...well one trick he couldn't explain by science cos it really was..."magic"...so anyway as soon as I saw it I was like hey I think I can do it too! So right there in front of an audience I performed the trick back to him...skill :) And as unbelieving as I am I even verified later with members of the audience that they weren't just emptily stroking my back...to say I did it when I didn't...

Sweet Memories. Perhaps a lot of it is about belief. Which is what you find you have before your thinking, deliberating mind has any time to kick in and spoil the fun!

Okay enough procrastination...catching up on house duties calls! Three weekends straight of more than 24 hour days=One very trashed Grandma :) LOL, you only live once!!!

OMG Do I stink of DOG POO?!!!!

Not sure if it was purely psychological but I almost thought I caught a whiff of it on me after I got swamped by dogs!!! 3 cocker spaniels and 1 golden lab were jumping all over me in the park! As just a wee thing this was intimidating and scary to say the least and seriously they got so comfy that the cocker spaniel just sat its BUTT on me and ...boy oh boy dogs are soooo affectionate no wonder I turned into a cat girl!!!

Totally no space/boundary respect whatsoever lol! Slurp lick kiss drool...arghhhhhh!

Anyway the owner(s) were quite amused...and we got into a nice looooong chat.

Anyway although it did totally alarm the germaphobe in me and as soon as I came home dumped EVERYTHING in the wash and took a much needed shower(never felt filthier)...But I comforted myself in the belief that...animals always know who the *cool* people are ;) ;)

Anyway it was my fun *random stranger* and *interesting conversation* for the day :)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Voluntary Simplicity

This is the big concept in flashing lights I've had in my head the past day or so. Very complicated intense persons definitely should DO THIS....conscientiously make the effort to keep everything as simple as possible!!! So yes day one into the practice with renewed discipline and vigour has been good...caught up on DOWNTIME for the last crazy two weeks...why is it we modern people never know how to just...live...rather we always have to cram our schedules jampacked even in leisure so that we are just constantly exhausted and checking our planners and watches??

Today I really took pleasure in cooking a decent meal probably the first for the entire week! A sweet potato, chicken, silverbeet, parsley, spring onion and lettuce rice, okay with a small cherry tomato thrown in...(weird combo of veggies as those were what was ready to harvest from my garden)...then I mopped my floors a little..geez I am worse than a CAT- high maintenance re combatting the way I malt head hair!!! and then I settled on the couch for a couple of hours engrossed in reading THE HEAVENLY MAN...as my mother has a chinese expression to describe...I can't remember the words but it means something like "not a peep/sound came out"...then I took a nap...quick check of the email and then I will lay up on the couch to finish out the book...and then I will finish tackling KOYAANISQATSI...before heading to bed at a decent hour prepared for the early morning wake up for church. wow, what a civilised day. Good thing my friend was so exhausted she had to cancel our afternoon tea and dinner date...cos I am seriously pooped too and needed this day to myself...

So my conclusion is I love such a life devoid of drama and complications...I feel like I already got too much of the complicated drama etc under my belt by a young age so I'm totally enamoured by this revelation of sorts of the back to basics simplicity of life which is the way it should be except that the unhealthy culture of modern society tends to encourage us all to be crazy!

The best thing about the life of Voluntary Simplicity and hermitude is that sticking close to God it is very very easy to achieve a previously elusive consistent PEACE. Thank God!!!

Peace in Solitude

I think this is the thing I REALLY APPRECIATE lately.

I don't think most people get it at all though...they just think I'm weird. But BOY am I thankful for solitude, even experiencing the car crash of roller coaster emotions of other people by association that go nuts crazy and irrational due to social/romantic issues is just too much disturbance to the peace I am used to relishing in in my "sanctuary"! :D

So yeah I'm all into hermit escape mode in a bid to protect this peace while I recuperate and rest up from too much social interaction...life is just so much simpler and soooo luxuriously peaceful when you only have to cater for yourself...of course friendship is awesome but except for those minority few in the world that are quite contented by themselves...social relations with people that have messy social issues is one drain I don't need right now...of course no man is an island but I don't really like "the social network" effect either. So I guess my favourite people in the world are happily married people, happily single people, really old people and pre-pubescent kids...YAY!

So my best friends will be God and taking refuge in and indulging my interests...I think overly complicated people just really do need very very simple lives to balance them out...maybe that is why I am so drawn to farming...and nature, and animals...

I still need to add piano lessons to this I think. I love to zone out with music and film too...art perhaps but I hate the messy clean up after!!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Gold! & Balki Bartokomous...

I feel I struck GOLD recently as I seem to have finally managed to find in my own geography a real life actual INTJ female, or she might be an ENTJ but whatever the case it is very refreshing!!! And a real relief to find a girl that doesn't just want to talk about other people's gossip and relationships all day and has very little else to offer...

Anyway between the one male INTJ and one female INTJ I have now identified in my own geography I'm finding the unique similarities across all of us very amusing. And a great relief. And very amusing. But anyway it's nice to know that I am some semblance of just like everybody else once you change the context...enough ;)

In any case the other thing that has me incredibly amused like hilariously rolling around on the floor kind of funny (in my mind)...is that one of my foreign penpals reminds me very much of BALKI BARTOKOMOUS from that old comedy "Perfect Strangers"? A blend of THAT and SHELDON FROM BIG BANG THEORY who is probably also INTJ. Anyway the English words and expressions I am being taught and HAVE NEVER HEARD OR SEEN EVER from a NON native English speaker is keeping this wordaphile very amused and even giving the old brain exercise it hasn't had in some time warranting huge meals to be eaten after a reply just so that I still feel blood is being supplied to my head... Also to reread the frank no holds barred opinions I have written to him when describing Australia, its culture and its society and social trends...for the sake of politeness I won't repeat them here. But definitely I am a fan of vivid visual imagery and simile when I describe things...so very funny on that level.

There are also very interesting facts about other cultures that blow my mind comparing to the country I am used to...such as that doctors get paid peanuts and intellectuals are the lowest of the low and that if you say you are a doctor for example no female will go out with you...is my leg being pulled? Will have to see, but it might just take some more light centuries to find another exotic creature from the same country to verify...

In any case the weather is really making things ick - one day so hot and humid need to walk around clothes-less and the next I am shivering cold even in my winter blankets and having to wear a dressing gown...not to mention it is all constantly raining and floods of puddles outside so my cumulative bike learning and practice is all thwarted. I guess I could just ride a straight flat cycleway but I don't think that would prepare me appropriately for all the conditions of the area...I need to be comfortably doing figure 8s so that I can dodge obstacles at least!! And I need to work out all the gear things there are so many uneven bits and potholes and hills...

I hope you are having better weather in your part of the world! Cheers :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I finally resolved my culture conflicts :)

I realised my root problem is that truly CULTURED people and CULTURE are a bit harder to come by here but when I do meet them they are just as cool and relief as CULTURED people from any far flung corner of the world! So yes, I made peace with that. Great :)

Basically as long as I can get my CULTURE and CULTURED conversations instead of the usual blank stares or mundane conversations then I'm a Happy Bean :) Recently reported and published actually was a study that said CULTURED people and those that engage and indulge in CULTURE are actually happier people...I guess that possibly could explain why lots of people seem miserable...but yeah I agree there are lots of other problems that exist in life...

There was also another study I came upon that said optimistic people although they may experience negativity as much as other people they respond more extremely to positive events...I think being hypersensitive I respond extremely to both positive and negative events...but possibly positive ones a bit more zealously than negative ones. To be honest I don't really know how to do calm equanimity myself...but at least I have a better idea on how to tap into the peace of God when I need to...

Anyway, Grandma is still recovering from the weekend...and still working out how to ride a bike...apparently I need a CARPARK to do figure 8s in! But at least I got my bike tweaked/fixed and now it is a lot more comfortable and feels a lot better...it was locking up cos I was pedalling too hard while changing the front gear which was a bit scary...

I saw a film I quite enjoyed today THE INVENTION OF LYING. Ricky Gervais of The (proper) "The Office". I still need to see MIDNIGHT IN PARIS...maybe tomorrow. I feel like I'm trying to cram so much in...I've also started reading THE HEAVENLY MAN which is very cool :)

I also got two more new cds in half a week...one was a jazz compilation which supports the Japanese tsunami relief fund...which is nice in the cool of night but chaotic and headachey when the weather is hot and humid and the other was Radiohead's IN RAINBOWS which meets all time lows in terms of CD packaging...I mean sending STICKERS for you to post on your own plastic casing??...sheesh! What IS the world coming to? Well I only complain cos it sucks for people who lack skill & precision to stick things like stickers straight the first time...

Hmm apart from that inspired by some cool collages I saw at a German art exhibition I got special glue...I am wondering if I should try my hand at collage. I think I have a major laziness/discipline problem, or maybe it is just because I never get enough rest and am always going off on multiple random interesting tangents simultaneously and so am always too tired/precoccupied with too many things to stick at any one project that requires some time and effort and care...

Monday, November 21, 2011

OK, Not ALL kids are NIGHTMARES!!!

...just the ones related to ME! lol

So I met my friend's kid for the first time today...ironically for all my lack of maternal instinct I'm not bad with kids or babies...well not so bad that you could tell I'm completely NOT enamoured with them ;)

Anyway he was a good kid...so calm...truly had the PEACE OF GOD! Wow it was so distinct from the bratty precocious hyperactive disagreeable tantrum kids I've gotten used to witnessing over the last few years...

In any case although it was a pleasant and refreshing surprise to find a kid that was NOT a nightmaare it still didn't make me think I might ever want any of my own one day! I don't really see a real need to proreate my genes...I may be arrogant but not THAT level of arrogant, lol! Maybe if the father was superhot and superintelligent...then MAYBE the world would be done a favour with an extra superintelligent attractive DECENT person, lol, but to be honest I think it's CRUEL to bring children into a society like today...lol got chatting with an old granny at the bus stop about today's terrible society, hahah I am SO in GRANDMA era! We talked about the evils of global warming and electromagnetic pollution that are starting to be obviously manifest...then we also talked about the days we grew up when the world was a little less crazy, when the weather was distinct, when people had manners and weren't glued to their electronics...and she talked about growing up during WWII and lacking and I spoke of growing up a migrant and lacking. Anyway it was a nice resonance...that I never find with people my own age, lol...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Throwing in the Towel with those born post 1955 or so...

So anyway ironically for this grandpa yet another weekend I am pulling out *slightly*...TRASHED, after keeping hours more akin to a teen...I guess hedonism knows no boundaries, age, geography or otherwise lol...I will go all out to indulge my passions and interests especially during the summer when I am not so frozen that my little "pieds" can't move myself places like off the couch, lol.

So...I just emerged from a 10 hour recovery after being out and about for over 24hours...and got maybe 3 hours sleep in a 36 hour period.

Saw a great live music gig which was EXACTLY what I needed after a horrible time attempting to extend an olive branch by a rare "getting to know" my own alien generation...so anyway, as usual for me these days post gig I got chatting to an old guy...hmmm he must have been in his 70s since his granddaughter was just 25...anyway it was FANTASTIC to be able to talk culture, SHARED interests, passions and think-resonate rather than be met with the usual blank empty stares and have a similar enthusiasm and flowing easy conversation of opinions for mine to be met with...ANYWAY basically after that he helped me to conclude that my interests and mentality are just nothing shared by Gen X/Y but rather of OLD people...so basically I got a peace in my heart to just 99% give up on trying such semblances of normality of hanging with my own generation range and engage 100% in whatever lack of convention that floats my boat such as associating with the granny generation and being a total eccentric kook! :)

Anyway it felt good to have that validation in the observation from a complete random stranger...I have always associated with much older people since I can remember and been observed that I am "mature" for my age group but in the past year or so meeting cool people closer to DOUBLE my age or more in my life have been just non-stop whether I am in retirement dense populations or not! I would have to say in the past few months I have met at least 20 really cool dudes of a variety of ages born prior to 1955...for whatever reason they just feel like at least a true EQUAL I can talk to and in that sense it is much easier because I find it so hard to find people I don't feel are BABIES or that I can admire and respect nearer my own generation...

Okay FG just in case you are reading there is one noticeable anomaly to this rule observation...I have noticed that for some reason males born in the period 1969-1970 I tend to get on with, but typically asian-ised ones or ones that really appreciate asian culture...oh and eccentric/quirky non generic weirdo misfits of any generation are usually always good...yup I guess that covers my favourite peeps in Utah! LOL

FINALLY I hear rain....thank goodness for a reprieve from this heat and humidity. Actually as I was chatting to one of these overseas "uniques" this morning it was interesting to hear the pre dawn early morning wake up twitter of birds...when I heard THAT I realised it was time I'd better be getting to bed! LOL...who can blame me if I end up taking a few days to get back into normal day night cycles again...

Oh two more revelations I had...I met some stereotypical super nerds...so I realise I am SO not the NERD I've fantasised or like to make myself out to be (rather I was just wanting to be in my usual subversive reaction to the dominant anti-nerd culture here)....but I am NOTHING like stereotypical nerds mentally....nothing in common...stereotypical nerds can actually be so narrow minded they are actually boring and rigid or rather limited in their ability to think outside a square/creatively or to be open to other ways of thinking... Typical for me I fall into neither nerd or non nerd...i think I exist totally on my own planet of...perhaps..UBERCOOL, lol...perhaps a bit like The Little Prince, hehe. I think it is typical for super introverts to be so involved and self absorbed with their niche things that they can easily stop being able to relate to anybody that lives on the dominant planet.

In recent days I felt that my life is so unusual and surreal I felt like I had stepped out of "The Matrix" or similar as the normal world or rather society around me just seems so alien...and I'm still not quite adjusting. I feel very detached and that there is no overlap between my concerns and their concerns. Then when I had been up for so long and only half lucid and was chatting to my mate overseas waiting for my hair to dry I really felt like I was the mad hatter from Alice in Wonderland spouting non stop rambling gobbledigook that I was so impressed he was able to keep up with and not shut down completely or even continue the conversation...

I guess I like old people cos that is about the only time I am reassured that I still hail from the species "homo sapiens", lol...

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Did bygone eras just have more CLASS?

I'm thinking Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and all the men...can't think of the names...

I'm just wondering cos I'm definitely weird and strange for my era but I still get on GREAT with people typically 60 and over and well with anybody nearing 50 and over.

One of them suggested it's cos today's society is CLASSLESS.

So does that mean I have CLASS? ;) ;)

...Don't argue with your elders! LOL

Friday, November 18, 2011

Foreign and Interstate Imports...

Sometimes I feel like this is what I have to do for any decent people or good company in my city...geez it is not something that has long term sustainable ease, viability and feasibility.

Boy the culture and people in this city is taxing and draining. It's like unless you can be fake worldly bimboey glamorous dishonest flakey and shallow you aren't going to get on with 95% of the locals in the young generation anyway...

How can one city be so different from another just 1000km apart I wonder? I'm talking Melbourne, Melbourne is definitely more for me...sigh, this is becoming an age old problem for me...

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Manners are a sign of good breeding

LOL maybe I'm starting to show my age/grandma tendencies. But seriously the mediocre level of courtesy and manners exhibited in Australia these days is appalling...basically the only place worse I would think is China and Hongkong...Australia is still asia anyway just a more white looking asia...


I can't say I was ever a classist snob or anything but as the disintegration of society and civil decency fuelled by the internet continues with the youngins, whenever I encounter, I SERIOUSLY appreciate
a) basic manners and courtesy
b) people being able to spell using full words and sentences with correct grammar and punctuation
c) people being able to keep appointments with some degree of promptness rather than relying on being able to call through with delay or cancellation by mobile phone 5 minutes beforehand...no wonder most health practitioners now charge full fees if not given 24 hours notice!
d) people who think of others

Anyway that was just my rant for today, obviously we need class leaders in manners and etiquette and civil courtesy...Japanese, Swiss etc to come over and give the youth of Australia the education they LACK! I'm ashamed to welcome international visitors over when they are subjected to rudeness on the level you get here.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

It's so...weird!!!

Wow, I am so used to being pretty near friendless in terms of people my own age locally for so many years now...so now one very long lost friend has relocated BACK here it's pretty weird!!!

Anyway it's been a very strange week in general...such a social week...wow I think I might actually have local friends...it takes some adjustment cos I am so used to the hermit loner lifestyle.

Anyway the one cool thing about the friend that is back is not only does he share some of my interests(yay finally!) but as one of the very few EXTROVERTED friends I have...wow that is cool...I finally have a "social bridge" especially to help me relate to people closer to my own age again!!! LOL

But hey 50+ year old men are still my favourite ;)

Any case so glad for the rain this afternoon...Granny here was very grateful for a NAP...man I'm still all out of sorts after the youngesters 19 hour day and festival sunday...haven't had a chance to rest properly yet been so busy!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Toyboy's Cure To End Racism...

Lately Toyboy has gotten bitten with the big case of "clucky" lol. So he's been trying to sell the whole inter-racial marriage thing cos he wants Eurasian kids cos a) they are HOT and b) they are SMART (he has two good points there but first he needs to find someone that WANTS to be responsible for his little RATS! lol)

So anyway, lol, anyway lately has has been advocating inter-racial marriages since he believes that it is THE cure to end racism...the logic being that the less "pure breeds" that exist will bring an end to racism if everyone becomes a mixed breed...

I don't know if this is such a bad idea...even as recently as Friday when my mate came from overseas to visit he did cop quite a bit of "white australia" flack from a local...it's so weird it's almost like there was racism before I was born when Australia was known as "White Australia" with their immigrant unfriendly policies...then as a child I didn't experience it and all my friends were white locals...then in the last few years racism has well and truly had a rebirth in Australia as the sore losers take it out on the successful and wealthy migrants here.

But anyway I digress, what I really wanted to say was THANKS HO, I GOT YOUR CARD- it was a winner!!! And yes the wait must have been agonizing but it arrived too late- need to improve for next year, lol...you forget USPost sucks!!!

Oh and this was the fancy pavlova with strawberries and mango we had Friday...



it was a very good round of beaching and eating all day- my favourite!!! ^^


Oh, and a secret lookout we found halfway up a windy cliff road...


Oh and a final WISH...can the bloody mosquitoes stop EATING me!!! arghhhhh

Monday, November 14, 2011

Too bad I look so young?!!

Cos otherwise I could date 50+yr old men...lol j.k (since these are the ONLY local men I seem to get on with).

So anyway a 57 year old told me I look just 17 or 18(!!!) I think...probably my average would be early/mid twenties...depends a lot how I dress and whether I open my mouth to speak...so yeah my age range even without a film set support crew I can appear to be is quite extreme.

Wow, no wonder it seems BOYS under 25 are always the ones that try to chat me up in real life...I guess I should stop seeing it as a negative thing and feel flattered rather than always thinking immediately "omg I am almost double your age this is embarrasing"!)

In any case they have absolutely no finesse...they need classes from Europeans!!! The last thing that will work on an INTJ female is blatant dumb or uncreative flirtation or generic routines or meaningless small talk from a random stranger. That is why you will either get a very flat toned factual response or a scowl and your object walk away...(just in case someone surfs in because they wanted the low down on INTJ females ;)

So anyway yesterday I went to my first big music festival for a long time....WOW I felt like Grandma!!! Society has degenerated and deteriorated so much in the last 10 years...there was TRASH everywhere and I really do notice the young generation now is so inconsiderate, they don't care for anything outside themselves and their immediate experience like other people or the environment.

It really hit me how old I feel when I realised I don't even LIKE the smell of weed anymore, when there was a time when I didn't mind it and even reasonably enjoyed the smell of "herbs" lol...I think it's time for grandma to hang up her festival boots and go get out the knitting needles...prefer the comfort of my own home than dirty filthy stinky ratty conditions anyday...next time I want to see a good band I'll try and get tickets to them only...ratty festival environments and 19hour days are not for me...so anyway I still feel trashed and hung over...need need serious REST!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Before I knew God...

My life was so silly, dare I say even idiotic, meagre and even in some ways perhaps...mediocre...

These days I am enjoying the peace and joy that is God and dare I say there is a new sense of....abundance of sorts in my life...

So anyway yesterday was the start of a new era (the "Over the hill" one historically haha-when I was little, 30 always seemed the "peak" of the hill and anything past was "over", lol) So anyway to mark this occasion I put up a Christmas tree since that symbolises the birth of my most favourite one too :-D

I would post a pic except after dressing the tree, the colours seemed wrong and it seemed a bit overdressed so hopefully I'll fix it to something that seems more fitting soon.

I also re-discovered a really awesome picture perfect SWIMMING beach and more perfect haunts when my b'day twin comes for a getaway so we can wreak havoc on the locals (hehe) so looking forward to going back then. It is so damn hot here now- Summer truly- so much so that that is why I can't sleep at 4am!!

Anyway it was a good day :-D

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Tis the Season!!!

It's SUMMER Down Under and FUN, FUN, FUN is hotting up!!!

Mainly...it seems like the time of year where lots is happening and also people are more free to visit...

so yes already concocting ideas in my head of all the fun things I want to do...

actually to be honest my place is quite a neat little sanctuary...no wonder people get so excited if they can stay over...cos it is a pretty "holiday-feel" in these parts, far far from the stress of work and city frustrations.

So anyway I think the next 2 days I will bother to go construct my little Christmas tree since otherwise my welcoming foyer just has a big vacancy...

I haven't put a tree up for years...how fun! :D

Music, art, film, good friends, good food...*contented sigh*, this summer I get to indulge all of my favourite things so much :)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Progress...AT LAST!!! :o)

LOL...it is like some ridiculous time here and my weekend is so busy but as a hardcore blogger I HAD to UPDATE ;)

Cos wow so exciting...FINALLY I was able to ACHIEVE...SOMETHING...new!!! woohoo! :D

Can you guess? (If no, read *THE HINT*)

*HINT*...well I can only so far go in a straight line, lol. Any kind of bumps send me careening all over! LOL!!!

So yeah...finally I am on my way to achieving a life long dream, lol, well at least one of many...another two include learning the piano and being conversationally fluent in another language that I get to use...I'm figuring in Oz the only worth learning are a) Mandarin or b) Japanese...considering I much prefer the people and culture of the latter I'm thinking b). But who knows...I have no idea if I will have the time and discipline and commitment or motivation...

So yeah for other WOULD BE WANNABE BIKE RIDERS here is what I learnt in my *breathrough* moment of being able to pedal continuously...

1. YOU SERIOUSLY NEED A BIG WIDE FLAT ROAD. All this time since my dad bought me the bike the few times I tried was in a narrow short driveway with potplants and recycling bins in the way. Until you are fairly good there is NO WAY you can manouevre those kinds of obstacles at low speeds, let alone learn to pedal! So basically yeah that was the main issue...basically as soon as I worked up the guts to try out on the road I was very quickly able to pedal the bike!! (Steering is another story...lol let alone balancing- so far forward momentum is my best friend, oh...along with my...brakes(!!) HAHA

So yeah apart from that exotic earwax effects of Thai food and chatting with 91 year old sailors who fought in the Korean war, it's shaping up to be a very interesting and fun weekend! But more interesting revelations and anecdotes later...

Hope yours is fun too...

Pink Love Hearts and Fluffy Bunnies!!(that's SARCASM.)
*Zhen* the girl who is "like out of Harry Potter"!(apparently)

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Not social for social sake.

Never EVER eat FOUR ultra sweet chocolate chunk cookies, or indulge lots of mental stimulation right before bed- I guarantee you a crappy or non-existent sleep! LOL

In any case, after Toyboy has labelled me his "abnormal asian alien" and after finding myself mystified by normal person social rituals and regimes... I thought I'd do a community service and educate EVERYONE ELSE on that rare breed of...THE INTJ FEMALE...for all <0.5% of us that exist and you are so unlikely to ever encounter in society particularly if you live Down Under!

So anyway...what people DON'T GET is that we DO NOT understand being social..."just because". NO. There has to be a REASON. So maybe "F" types will find that cold and utilitarian, but to us, it JUST. MAKES SENSE!!! lol

So basically what I realised is that, while people happily go about in polite conversations and niceties just for the sake of being social I won't bother unless there is something PURPOSEFUL about the whole situation...namely...I must be able to RELATE to you on some kind of *substantial* level...usually that is from shared interests or shared opinions or...SOMETHING! And I must LIKE talking about that topic! Or ENJOY hearing your point of view (as well as the sound of your voice)! Or ENJOY teasing you and getting a reaction (elbows HO ;)...*evil chuckle*. Cos otherwise, seriously? I could just as happily be silently communing with a tree or a bird and the AIR, or...shock horror, making out with my MIND or the mind creations of other people! LOL

So anyway, I just thought I should make that quite clear. It just completely BLOWS MY MIND general human behaviour, or actually to be more specific usually BORES MY MIND, lol. Basically I am particularly confused about gender hangups, mating dispositions and rituals...to ME, everybody is literally a (*picture a BRAIN walking around*). Gender doesn't really factor into the recognition process...the first step is "do i like or not like this brain" No2. "is this brain worth engaging with?" "Will I be edified in anyway or will they benefit from my pearls of wisdom?" LOL! AFTER step1 and step2 THEN gender recognition will be activated...but more as an AFTERTHOUGHT just like adding shade detail to get a more 3d sketch of a person than just a 2D line drawing :)

Hmm I guess that is why I regularly get called "weird"(and rather proudly so, shhhh! But REALLY, as if that was a *secret* LOL!)

You know what? You "normals" have no idea JUST HOW WEIRD (and let me say, AMUSING) your 24-7 mating and coupling directed mind is to my species too! ;) (okay perhaps it's just my particular city and age bracket- Australia DID post 4 cities in the top 10 GLOBALLY for highest participation in phone 'hookup' apps!...Surprise surprise :P...as an avid rather sit in a corner at social events "observer" and "studier" of people I realised this looooooong, looooong ago!) hehe my generation are so damn boring here...THANK GOD for music, art, old peeps and the creatively and intellectually inspired and talented! :D

Cheers!

P.S if a BONAFIDE (like tested her whole life and at least twice professionally) INTJ FEMALE happens to read this, feel free to correct or hone what I have said. And by the way NICE TO MEET YOU! It truly IS an honour, lol even my most social friends with big networks still haven't been able to track down a real live other "specimen" for me, lol! :D

Friday, November 4, 2011

2 more months of Bum-ness

PLUS the holiday season and the warm weather! WOW suddenly life is starting to get busy! Okay, plus I'm addicted to foreigners and hence indulging crazy hours and having crappy sleep cycles...but still trying to cram in quite a bit of fun during the day...I think cos I know very soon it will be a very familiar "don't have a life" story...and no matter how much I try for balance I'm never disciplined or organised enough to pace myself...I'm always a last minute finisher...the motivation to start stuff only draws near when I start to feel stress...I guess that's just innate laziness I need to admit to on my part. I have no idea how people finish projects well BEFORE a due date??!!! Crazy nerds!!!!

I saw a pretty decent art exhibition during the week...wow it put me back feeling "in my element" and inspired...I realised the going rate is one good cultural event equates to 3 interesting people conversations "fix"(!!) LOL

Thursday, November 3, 2011

If only you could just drop everything...

But I am and have been raised way too pragmatic and rational for that.

I just saw a movie "Before Sunrise" wow, it was almost painful to sit through...it so accurately captures those moments that every traveller encounters when they travel alone in an alien environment...

where you meet and have an instant connect and amazing rapport with a complete total stranger who you only came to know as you were in the same place at the same time....a chance encounter that had like a one in a zillion chance of happening...

The worst part is you both have your own separate lives to return to very very far apart in geography and that heavy feeling in your heart is that you know you can just enjoy the present moment and then have to say Goodbye never to see that person again. That it was a transient encounter that you have to let go and forget about to spare yourself the pain of separation. The challenge (especially for females) is always about not getting emotionally attached...

And even if you are foolish and try and keep in touch, the timezones and daily life opposite to your own and your responsibilities back home in the with the passing of time get the better of you, so it is actually easier to not even try and just accept that it was a nice moment, that it is what it was. And that's that!

Rubbing Shoulders with...

OMG. This is the stuff of DREAMS!! Or at least stuff I would soooo be boasting about to EVERYBODY if I was still a somewhat pretentious film student at university lol!!!

In any case in an interesting twist of events-synchronicity perhaps- I saw a very amazing film that I was INCREDIBLY IMPRESSED by the foreign director...several days later it seems I have managed to "bump into" one of his former students who has also trained under ANOTHER superfamous esteemed foreign film director whose work I Highly respect and liked...and so anyway my new friend is ALSO a film director with his own production company!

AND he will be coming to Roo Land next year....arghhhhh!

In any case it is soooooo amazing to have someone SO "in the know" that I can discuss amazing cinema and great directors with etc etc...WOW. It is very exciting. Maybe if this happens frequently enough- exotic foreigners from overseas for visits with "interesting calibre ratings" of 7+ and more...the social culture of this country won't wear me down so much...cos I like everything else :)

LOL I think this is the closest I've been to being awestruck screaming and crying teenager in a concert thing...but I'm about to see MY VERY FAVOURITE BAND OF THE CURRENT ERA...so with any luck I might somehow "bump into" them! LOL I'm pretty sure I'd be soooo awestruck I couldn't even babble I'd just be completely overawed embarrassed and tongue tied!!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Welcome to Zhen's DREAM Machine...


The short of it:
Italian design. German engineering. Japanese build. Swiss precision. Swedish simplicity. American marketing. Welcome to Zhen's Dream Machine! ;) ;)

The long of it:
Italian design. (Specifically? Milan...)
German Engineering. (Call upon Swiss precision for any timing devices ;)
Japanese Build
German Quality Control hehe
Swedish simplicity/Ease of Use(...definitely no "how to manuals" out of China!!!)
American marketing/presentation/advertising campaign...just for a bit of "slick and suave", lol)

This Girl thinks GLOBAL ;)

ze world is my oyster! :D

Thanks to African Sun :)

I have to admit I had a pretty crappy day but it all melted away after chatting with "African Sun", lol that's his nickname anyway cos his rays of warmth in friendship perhaps typical of the culture just melted all the frustrations of the day.

Lately I found myself very addicted to exotic foreigners, perhaps as my heart moves further and further away from this country/society...but in particular lately I am fascinated by Africa and The Middle East, probably because they are the most unfamiliar and unknown places and culture to me so learning more absolutely piques my interest and sates my curiosity!

So yes definitely new Directions, new life, new inspiration for me always includes new global directions....my relationship with Australia has definitely turned rancid and sour. 30 years here is just too long....bar importing and having all my foreign friends visit often I think my itchy feet wants to make tracks to try living in a different country and culture for a bit...just until I miss the wide open space and clean air here a bit more...based on how often people that escaped come back though...perhaps I won't miss it!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Failure to Impress...

LOL...I know I haven't done anything AMAZING for a while lol so I thought I better at least post SOMETHING I have achieved in the last few months...

So here it is...this I grew from SEED. And it took quite a few months to turn into THIS!!!


Hello...Cornflower! Probably not so well suited to the Aussie environment but all the same, blue flowers are my favourite...and it is the ONLY in my entire garden which is WAY OVERFILLED BY *pink* arghhhhh! so yes this little pretty is unashamedly and prejudicially my very very favourite non edible plant in my entire yard! :)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I wonder...

if all third culture kids experience a serious sense of cross cultural displacement unless they either enter a completely alien culture or always mix with foreigners or expats?

or maybe it is only the problem of fence sitters...I guess if you definitively took a side and adapted to identify with just one of your cultures prioritising either look or geography, then maybe it is easier.

I think I feel complete cross cultural displacement in my new digs...so escape from all cultures I may represent into a completely alien one seems a very tempting option. I think maybe the two countries I would feel the least sense of displacement (or where it didn't bother me) might be either Japan or Switzerland.

but yes until then perhaps I am most comfortable being a wandering gypsy...

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Stranger things have happened...LOL

I was sitting on my couch having a lazy leisurely afternoon working through the most recent season of MAD MEN when I heard these terrible bloodcurdling screams of torment..."what on earth?" I thought...

so I peeked through the shutters outside and saw three ducks physically fighting!! Two were jumping on and (what looked to me) pecking another half to death on it's neck! "oh no!" was my immediate thought and I went off to find a broom to help rescue the victim...

But when I came back...I saw one chase the other one out under the fence...DUH so naive...lol welcome to Duck Mating Season...IN MY GARDEN!

So anyway, as a total sucker for ducks I decided to treat the newlyweds...and gave them a water bath and some corn crackers...I think they think my place is some kind of five star resort now...Anyway it was pretty fun to play with them...

After their little "play" both of them were shaking and sitting...I'm not sure whether I should expect to find little duck eggs somewhere in my garden or not.

Anyway, it was a totally unexpected afternoon and quite interesting- I felt a little like David Attenborough, lol.

Friday, October 28, 2011

A Higher Standard...Of Maleness!

They say that the things you experience as a child really affect you...I only recently remembered that probably my earliest memory of encountering a guy that wasn't family as a kid was actually...a European! My sister's penpal that just suddenly "dropped over" with flowers and chocolates from so many thousands of kilometres unannounced...lol, romantic? You don't say!

Perhaps it is based on THAT (he was Swiss) that all my expectations of how men are supposed to be got formed....ie: that they are polite, eloquent, refined, cultured, civilised, intelligent, thoughtful...and did I say POLITE?!!

Lol a far cry from the rude uncivilised can't spell or form sentences sleazy rude yobbo thugs that treat women like "girl-meat" here and holler at them like dogs...Today on the bus I almost imploded by how bad the music was...and seriously I have been all throughout the country and never had to endure such terrible tasteless music...in any case a great reprieve from my yobbo conditions lately...some arty films, a euro exhibition, an internationally renowned line up for a music festival...and a third culture kid of my same disposition, likes and interests to buddy up with-exciting!!!

So anyway, perhaps cos of being exposed to a Swiss in my formulative impressionable childhood years I have NEVER managed to accept anything less... maybe I AM a snob like I get accused of...so be it! I have STANDARDS!!! :)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

INTERNATIONALS.....Arghhhhhh!!!! :-D

THANK. YOU. GOD!!!!

May you and I all never forget that God is faithful and answers prayers :) ^^ ^^ ^^!!

So anyway I was *so so excited* I finally cracked through my monoculture no culture brains void bang head on brick wall issue here....

I seriously had had it up to HERE(motions 50cm above head) with the uncultured yob factor and Tall Poppy Sooks I get subjected to here...not to mention all the vacant stares...seriously, okay for sure it's elitist and Aussies have major overaffliction of Tall Poppy Syndrome and thus related oversensitivity but SERIOUSLY, sometimes it IS just about being able to converse with people at the SAME LEVEL of your understanding on various things...I don't know why such offense and discrimination is directed at cultured intellectuals in this country I mean I wouldn't have a clue what you were talking about if you talk engines and tools yet I don't get a CHIP ON MY SHOULDER because of admitting I'm ignorant about cars!

So yes Thank God for the Multi-cultured seemingly less neanderthal Internationals :)

I reflected on the whole debacle of how I CLASH so much with the majority of native locals left in this country these last few years since 90% of my friends went overseas...the solution I found had a lot to do with teeing up with a really really old friend of mine who went to the same infants, primary, highschool AND uni I did...all in all we received a pretty high and advanced standard of education as can best be expected in Sydney....she too has found herself less than ecstatic with the Aussies and in love with the foreigners!! Like just about all my friends...

And I realised it goes like THIS....once you get out of fairly academic environments you get presented with the REAL state of Australia...and that is one where there is a very very low level of education among its residents....by this stage many of the highly educated typically go overseas since their qualifications give them access to more promising encouraging environments. I guess it's also cos our population is not that big either and not to mention higher education is a bit costly :P so relative we have quite a small population of very educated people, maybe throw in we are marooned on a desolate island far removed from the rest of the world...and it is so easy to shelter in a kangaroo microcosm where that much sun fries the brains and that much water clogs the ears that people aren't that broadly informed either...

And that is why as highly educated intelligent minority ethnicity FEMALES we are subjected to a huuuuge amount of disfavour and discrimination by the dominant majority in this country...I guess being a male minded non submissive slightly feminist INTJ doesn't help either ;) lol the more minority you are I think the more of a rude shock it is for the average person to encounter ...like something they have never encountered...and they don't quite know how to handle you but lament you are weird and abnormal because you are such a rare and special minority...hehe...if people thought I was weird here I wonder how HO gets away with it??LOL Simple. SHE is in America the Land of the Free! lol and anYthinG really does go there!!!

But seriously...in the last few years as the success of the asians particularly the Mainland Chinese has really made a huge presence known in this city I have really felt a level of racism and jealousy never experienced before growing up just because of what I look like on the outside! Which in turn has naturally made me start to feel resentment toward the other side...I know it happens all over the world but for the first 20 years or so of my life it was seriously a non issue, which is how I would have liked it to stay!

Wow code cracked, I'm glad...it's been such a mystery my inner psychologist has pondered so much about why I clashed so much with locals especially Aussie men of my vintage and younger my whole life...

It IS a cultural issue. Anyway once you work out what it is that is irking then you can just avoid it as much as possible...yay! ...Happy days! :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Shining Light...

It's been really weird since I settled in my new town, which is quite bizarre how someone like me would end up in. Prior to gaining faith and the Holy Spirit I was completely insensitive to what spiritual darkness and oppression resides in this area in general, but like my eyes were opened, suddenly I am no longer blind. In fact the oppression of the people around me and all their issues was bad enough that I was unable to sleep!(Noise, Chain smoking fumes setting off my smoke alarm and sending my lymph nodes into swollen fits etc)

...So definitely a lot of people with problems...one day last week or the week before I finally hit the hissy fit internally and got the kick up the butt to action...no longer could I be the lazy, passive non confrontational uncaring random stranger bystander...these people's icky vibes were starting to get on my nerves!!! Sometimes people get into this stagnant state where they are so deep buried in their own sh*t in a pit so deep and wide that they are helpless to help themselves and can't see past the fuzz of all the muck until someone drags them kicking and screaming out!

So this morning I started spreading the *Light* in a more concrete way to "clean up" and "lift" the general "dirty" "heavy" feeling of the area. In stark contrast to my apathetic keep to myself nature I started doing mailbox drops, like an activist LOL!!! Pamphlets along the lines of THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE...JESUS IS YOUR ANSWER! lol

Non believers can scoff and snigger all they want, but when the sh*t hits the fan...where does everyone else go? What can everyone else do? NADA. There are so many problems in this world and people suffering afflictions that their greatest self sufficiency, ability or those of their loved ones, the greatest doctors, scientists, thinkers, philanthropists in the world have NO answer for! It is at that point when you have reached the end of the road that you can find the answer. So that's basically the message I wanted to share...that there is *Hope* and one who is greater than all and capable of all^^...God Bless :)

Monday, October 24, 2011

Erratic Busy

I think the Aussie Sun is making scrambled eggs out of my brain... yesterday I conked out on the beach and woke up all woozy and a bit disorientated...suddenly it hit me why the local people are the way they are a lot...too much sun can really fry your brain!! LOL But anyway it was nice to experience a bit of...culture...in a place where there is an emphasis on very high quality good food...nice to get some standards! ^^

Anyway last week was dead dull boring but was good cos I got a lot of (much needed) house cleaning done...this week I feel like I've packed so much in my seams and unexpected has cropped up that they feel fit to burst! I think I'm going to have to cop out of a few things...

So anyway feel a bit of that familiar too many balls in the air bustling stressy city anxiety...especially as I start to make tentative tracks to pick up where I left off...but it can't, won't be the SAME cos I've changed so much in that time...it really is an unknown...that is causing me some nervous tension if I think about it too much...blergh need to go qigong exercise or something after the sun goes down...

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Classification: Boyly Girl...

A guy gave me this nickname some years ago...I realise he totally had it right...cos although I love to hang out with the boys I'm not the rude crude dirty mouthed dirty minded burpy beer guzzling stinky farters they are...I am however EXTREMELY BLUNT&HONEST. Which puts women on the off...and offends their sensitivities...

I think when I was younger and more brimming buzzing full of energy, perhaps I did roll more with the boys like a true tomboy might. But now I'm just a scaredy cat GIRL that just likes to tag along and OBSERVE all the scary, sometimes brave but often stupid things that men by virtue of their male ego and lack of forethought do...it's fun :)!

Not to mention I'd rather go to a soccer match above almost all girl-preferred things anyday!

However the key area where my unique boyly disposition truly seems to shine is that area of not just cross cultural inter-relations but rather cross-gender inter-relations...I find as somewhat of a "social bridge" between the genders I am most often called upon by the average person to "explain or intuit" the opposite sex! Typically...women ask me to decipher the internals of men's minds-age old question "does he like me does he like me or WHAT DOES THIS MEAN"...on the other hand I find I am the unconfident slightly socially inadequate man's best comfort to getting more adroit in being better able to deal with those women they have their eye on but have no idea how to pickup...I think rather charitable as being a kind of "mock training ground" for them to practice and rehearse and work on their moves and strategies, lol

In any case I don't mind it so much, as long as these people provide for interesting friends...It's quite satisfying to see little blooms I have tended grow and develop...lol and a much better way to use my "psychologist" hobby than on bonafide fruitcakes!

To round out this post I must say that I am really enjoying these little European fortune cookies that you get in BACI chocolates...I especially liked the first wrapper I pulled- very obviously by a German(Schopenhauer)...haha

Quien es amigo de todos no es amigo de nadie.

Qui est ami de tous ne l'est de personne.

A friend to all is a friend to none.


(And yes, I think that's what you find with most of the current generation and local culture these days...loyalty is a dying virtue in this fast paced shallow dog eat dog get ahead world...)

Out of the three languages which I know a bit...definitely I have to say I like the Spanish language best(verbal/text are both good)...French a close second(verbal good text more hassle), although I do like the relative brevity and succinctness of the English here....

anyway that is just my 2c on language, gender relations and loyalty today....ciao!

Friday, October 21, 2011

A Treasure Map!

Wow, even more bizarre adventures...featuring old men...lol!

So anyway an old guy randomly overheard that I was wanting mulberries(so very good for the eyes and blood you see...)

So I ended up with some obscure directions(later well documented in a hand drawn map) to a MULBERRY tree which is so prolific the owners are actually a bit stressed out unable to get rid of enough! So yeah...pretty interesting...I'm going to go to a random address, find this tree, tell the secret "codename" in case I get asked by locals how a random Japanese tourist managed to find this cornucopia...especially in the event that I need to bring out a big pair of loppers cos the random old guy assured me I would be free to take cuttings...let's hope he wasn't lying that his friend owns the tree...and hopefully I don't get resported by the old and curious locals as a curiously suspicious trespasser!

But yes...when one is lucky enough to be gifted a TREASURE MAP, one better at least try to go and claim their TREASURE! lol

Until the next bizarre adventure featuring old men, lol! Hope you have a good weekend :)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Choose Your Own Adventure...

This week has been a bit all over the shop for me...it's almost like being given a crystal ball to preview glimpses of your life having taken different paths...In any case nothing seems any clearer...I just feel a bit exhausted-drained...as if I've lived all those different paths within one week!!

Some much needed time out to myself and connecting with God I think...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A serious CONFESSION.

I'm actually starting to SERIOUSLY despise this country, or at least the majority population here just cos of what they're like...

Have a read of this thread...it's all true! Very disappointing. It's not like it was, typical Australian society has evolved into something really quite repulsive...

Congratulations to my multitudes of friends who have managed to mass exodus LEAVE over the past ten years and never come back!!!

In the meantime, I will endure, lol

Please please please let me meet some nice expats and foreigners here...somehow. Otherwise I'm going to turn into both a misanthropist and complete & utter racist...I have never met a bigger density of absolute D*CKHEADS than the twenties thirties generation in Sydney, Australia...which is also why my overseas friends who have visited once are unlikely to ever visit again...

It would be so refreshing to meet a sincere, honest person with depth and intellect of my vintage in this country...but that is seriously challenging the odds! I would know...it's been 30 years! lol, yes, which is why I identify as an optimist...if it's not IMPOSSIBLE there is still a possibility...

But to be honest, I really wish I was in Europe or North America amongst THEIR people right now...

Linear Time

So it finally struck me this obsession everyone seems to have with linear time... perhaps best reflected by that issue of AGE...cos I guess I've felt so old inside my whole life... that it's always been like a serious WAITING GAME for the rest of my peers to "catch up"! Suddenly though it dawned on me that perhaps I am starting to look a bit older on the outside and not only do I feel old and somewhat mature inside but even on the OUTSIDE! Oh and also that it is a gravity orientated and linear process...ie the only way is...forward and DOWN! Hello...wrinkles and white hair- arghhhh! (Okay not quite there yet but I can imagine...)

So I was just reflecting on how, now, with such a realisation I might adjust things in my life? Cos the other thing with linear human time is that there is a definite end point too!

Apart from that I'm really starting to enjoy the arranging fresh cut flowers in vases in my house thing...it's actually kind of disconcerting to realise (and admit) I am sooo turning into a...Girrrrl!!

Anyway my belly calls...need to go COOK! Eh the life of domesticated bliss...gotta love it! ;)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Spy Not Quite!

I've always had a thing for the whole 007 concept...I've always fancied myself a bit of one...lol! That is until I saw a more realistic portrayal of the world of international spydom...in MUNICH.

LOL somehow James Bond doesn't have recurring nightmares or trauma and isn't always watching his back...not nice!

Apart from that saw MONGOL about Genghis Khan which was also a very good film - yay :)

Apart from that WOW home maintenance is a huge task...spent the entire last two days just catching up to make house liveable- you go out three days straight and don't keep up with the housework and suddenly are presented with a mountain! Definitely need to not fall into that again!

The other cool "new" thing for me today is I have now started a trend of bourgeoisie bathroom lol...what else to do when you have fresh flowers coming out of your ears!!! Anyway I decided I quite like it....even if they are...PINK :p

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Today I met a....CAVEMAN!

Lol, I'm serious :)

Very random. Very cool. Just kinda like how I like it. The weird part is I wasn't really anywhere all that interesting...usually all this cool sh*t only happens when I travel...not so close to home!!!

So yeah it was a very surreal today. Met my b'day twin, had lunch, then walking around waiting for a ferry...and we saw this open house inspection of a really cute little house- the agent was closing up but we liked it so much we convinced him to let us take a peek. Very cool, architect designed, cute and quaint. Right in nature. Where's the sugardaddy when you need one? LOL

So anyway we were walking away from this supercool house talking about it when some dude rolling a trolley with a big tall plant overhears us mistakenly and thinks we're talking about his big plant...so we're walking along this road and get into a friendly conversation...then after he said he likes all plants and I offered back yeah me too I'm a planthead!! He then issues us an invitation to come see his "garden" down the road...walking, walking...where IS this guy taking us? We see him stopped at the base of some rocks...lo and behold he lives in a CAVE! and strangely it was completely...civilised...and I actually envied him...ad contrary to what you would expect outside he just looked fairly normal, not unkempt and DEFINITELY did not smell like half the people reek in the city!! But to be fair he was still working on his new home...had only been there a couple weeks...how on earth had he known about such a cool spot? He came a lot when he was a kid...it was seriously the perfect little nook...very comfortable, completely free...absolutely spectacular, wow!

In any case with some degree of pride in his new digs I took his pics and agreed to send them to his family just to let them know he was safe...he had owned a house once before but had given it to his deceased brother's kids...and now was living this hermit natural life incognito...absolutely fascinating...I mean I've always had a track record of meeting cool interesting old men but CAVEMAN? wow, a very cool first! In any case so many interesting things happened today but that would have to be the highlight and I am too tired to elaborate further...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

circa 1995-2000

I found a certain comfort coming full circle, a sense of being "home"...

snuggled into darkened cocoons with arty subtitled films, inspired by unknown sounds(in this case swedish jazz and jazz compositions made entirely of human voices)...

It's been a very, very long time since I've had the luxury to indulge this long lost me. It was good to come "home".

Que Sera, Sera....Escapism Love it! :D

Tomorrow will be back to another normal grind of a day, refreshed. Sometimes you just need a day off with no agenda...and entirely to yourself! Not to mention there are different SEASONS in life...a new revelation to me...is the one of stillness and silence where you conserve all your "essence" and concentrate all your energy and effort for yourself internally in prepation for external manifestation and frenzied paces at a later date??...so let's just say I'm the butterfly larvae in the cocoon growing nice and fat at the moment ;)

p.s I indulge words aka verbal diarrhoea too much hence gng to start engaging my right brain more with a picture each post(not necessarily related to the post, lol)...see how long I can last- before I get too lazy!!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fruits of the Spirit...A Meditation

love
joy
peace
patience
kindness
goodness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control

May your life be filled with these :)
♥Zz

Monday, October 10, 2011

What is a Squeam?

Okay according to some dodgy online dictionary, a squeam is a "qualm".

But according to ME a squeam is my made up word and it is the X between a squeal and a scream!

So anyway I'm gonna come clean...with my manly ego... I had to shame myself in public, lol...

Today I SQUEAMED!...when I bumped into a spider's web above my head while gardening and the rather pretty spider with a round body was on my head and then went on my hand when I swiped it off...to God knows where...but I took off my jacket shook it around and hung it up just in case...

So yeah...Today I squeamed. And I did think a bit indignantly...blergh spiders- they're for MEN to deal with!! :P

*lol

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Eating one's way through boredom...

LOL, seriously. Thank God finally a good burst of sun today to save my sanity...

So like the title says I've been doing a lot of that lately- well cos most of my waking hours revolves around food...procuring it, growing it or researching how to, harvesting it, preparing it, cooking it or cleaning up after it!

One night this week I DID NOT SLEEP THE ENTIRE NIGHT just cos I was so craving to try a swiss dessert called a beesting. I guess it was not a good idea to just before bed talk about all the different food excursions we needed to do for all the various things we wanted to eat with my birthday twin....the drool turned into ALL NIGHT obsessing- lol very easy for a scorpio gal that loves eating!

So anyway today was a weird dinner possibly reflective of the chaotic state of my restless itchy feet no travel blues mind...within the one meal I had a seemingly dissonant cacophany of ingredients: beetroot, parsnip, turmeric, rice dulse, fried egg, cayenne, salt, bak choy, lettuce, spring onion, garlic, spinach and flaxseed oil. Strangely, it tasted okay...don't even try and puzzle how I worked it all together! I think these days my meals are WEIRDNESS to say the least, okay maybe as I get older I get more eccentric, but apart from that there are several major factors a) organic food doesn't store so well so I need to use what is in the fridge b)I fresh harvest from my garden c) I want maximum supernutrition...so yeah end up with weird-ass meals!!! But somewhat smugly I NEVER get sick or want to throw food away from homecooked food whereas almost every single thing I eat outside makes me sick cos of all the additives, oil, salt and crap toxic ingredients they use and possibly a lack of freshness and hygiene. I met a batty old lady on the bus talking at the top of her lungs about how she ONLY eats organic as well ...lol I could forsee me in old age right there...it was a lil scary...lol

So the interesting thing which I checked up with my bday twin to see if we concur as usual (lol never get sick of this parallel experience feeling-it's too fun!) We both feel BOOOORED as and TIRED. Interestingly enough devoid of inspiration from daily life and the people around us devoid of culture etc grounded in THIS COUNTRY indefinitely...it was interesting that we reacted in the same way unbeknownst to the other...we turned to MUSIC! Specifically the need to create it! The last day or two I had been thinking I SERIOUSLY NEED a piano and to splurge on lessons...anyway she actually ended up buying a GUITAR today to cope with the boredom-had no forewarning it was pretty random!! LOL so interesting...music is obviously a huge muse for us....

Apart from that had soooo much flower proliferation in my garden I started cutting them and sticking them in containers around the house which is pretty weird and housewifely for me...also been watching lots of DVDs with an overrepresentation of foreign and German as per usual...

and indulging pretty expensive raw organic chocolate at $8/100g...yep that's how I deal with boredom and cooped up with rain! :P

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Yup...

This would be me!

How could it not be when my friends are constantly jetsetting- last week lebanon this week hong kong. last week belgium, this week africa! arghhhhh I can't help it...i am SOooooo inSaneLY JEALOUS and craving my exotic foreigners...not to mention some...CULTURE....arghhhh.

Hope everyone else is enjoying their weekends...

Friday, October 7, 2011

Bug Off!


So anyway Spring has sprung down under (although incredibly temperamental) alternating between wintery chills and drenching showers and a rare treat today...balmy pleasant sun...My body is not appreciating it though, neither are my plants!! For one thing I'm starting to get rampant slug issues!! Possibly cos since my neighbour came back from holidays my resident kookaburra friends are getting too gourmet a meal next door with hand fed ground beef...to desire a palate of slugs! :P

So anyway my organic food production levels have been damaged and hurt significantly enough to warrant attempting to engage flower power warfare...going to try...Nasturtiums!! I'd been doing pretty well so far but I guess as Spring takes off and bugs proliferate (and try and get up my nose), and bite and itch I actually need to get more proactive (and less lazy) in plant management...if I hope to get fresh picked veggies to eat! So yep, some study & research to do...

Apart from that my house is looking like a bit of chaos creative...not cos I haven't been cleaning et cetera but rather a reflective manifestation of the consequences of having virtually nil short term memory and doing too many things simultaneously...half started projects all over the house- then I get distracted and start something else...so the look might be a pile of papers of bills and written but never sent correpondence, cords of electrical appliances trailing, a mop here a vacuum there, ingredients I've forgotten to put back in place after my many cooking sessions/day, not to mention gardening paraphenalia like gloves, masks and protective glasses and sun hat in different corners of the house and bags from different grocery trips half unpacked....enough to cause neat freaks a bit of a heart palpitation!...but ANYWAY hopefully it'll come good tomorrow-what else are weekends good for than to catch up with chores???!

....it's been a bit of a plastered week for me...my productivity levels are highly subject to the weather-when it's cold and rainy I am a cold blooded sloth/hibernating bear on the couch holed up with dvds trying to conserve energy...not to mention as a super introvert kind of a bit exhausted from excess social interaction this week...and finally, I'm still not tapped into the new daylight savings hours still- my sleep patterns are all over the place and I'm definitely 1-2hours behind still eating dinner around 9 or 10pm! What happened to the good old days when I remember there being 4 distinct seasons so my body didn't have to try and sync to four seasons in a day and a week...

At least besides nasturtiums I did manage to put in more radishes and bak choy at dusk relatively unscathed &comfortable for once thanks to my new best friend: natural insect repellant!!!

So this is my garden inventory currently: garlic, onion, spring onion, orange and purple carrot(still no success all twisty and forked!), silverbeet, kale(hopefully no longer slugged up once the nasturtiums flourish), red, green and rocket lettuce, bak choy, tatsoi, italian parsley, dill, strawberry, tomatoes, passionfruit, lemon tree, beetroot, lemongrass, leek, cucumber, zucchini, snow pea, lavender...phew! Also hopes to add celery, capsicum, dandelion, gotu kola, basil, coriander...I sure am a Greedy Gardener :D

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Comfort Bears...

I'm kinda tired.

I kinda miss my old familiar peeps...

Too bad it's not like you can pull your favourite soft toy from 1983 out of a dusty old box...

People change...

But that doesn't mean you don't miss the memories...or the familiarity...

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Children of God (o=

So JJ respects me mainly cos I have standards and that I don't compromise these despite what everyone else is doing or thinks.

But in any case just reflecting...definitely I've found that children of God with true faith have much higher standards especially in respect to human decency and conduct to others, and that it is not unreasonable to expect this :) So I am really grateful... It is nice that since we are accountable to a superhuman authority we aspire to higher standards and even if we may fail miserably-*cough* like being able to love our fellow human beings (lol), that AT LEAST it crosses our mind that we SHOULD be doing do...by virtue of the Spirit we have a conscience and a guilt if we don't which makes us at least want to try our very best to improve every subsequent time that same situation presents...

Anyway I take comfort in this that others with higher standards can be found still in modern day society...and that they do have some kind of marker on their head so I can at least seek them out when I feel like I need a team!

"But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

Saturday, October 1, 2011

No Kidding!

No wonder I feel like I'm living in DUMB CENTRAL. And no wonder there is so much discrimination against people if they have brains...that they either leave or get tempted to...

Desert Drought

Oh boy was I feeling sorry for myself that I am stuck in a monoculture of boring predictable genericness that is dull, unrefreshing and uninspiring...at. best.!!!

But I got cheered a little that I have encountered a bit of a writer, in a style somewhat like my own: autobiographical honest and mildly eccentric- eg wordy but not TOO intellectual but interesting enough cos life is stranger than fiction...perhaps I will have to relift my game to quality writing and not just therapeutic rants, diligent recordings, trivial amusing anecdotal snippets...

Apart from the massive relief I felt when I returned back to the peaceful sanity of my sanctuary after a typical day of disgruntled chaos in the city, the only part that brought a bit of a smile was to meet a real live REAL non travelling European...wow it is so sad that they are so rare to encounter that I get this excited...in any case despite not exchanging so many words of any substance I don't know...even the presence was a comfort. Not sure what it is but me and Euros just...RESONATE :)

p.s I'm starting to re-think my anti-social status...I think perhaps I am NOT SO...just that apart from tiredness and introvert minimal energy capacity to take on other people, most people BORE me(like want to tear my hair out bore me)!!! I actually think given the RIGHT people who don't send me to sleep I can be VERY SOCIAL or at least a very good conversationalist...even charmingly so!!! WOW, who knew? LOL

Anyway I think my hair is a bit dry now...*yawn*! To bed To bed, Lay this BigHead!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Coming Home

It's been an intense day, quite profound actually. I doubt I'll forget today's events even next week, next month, next year...yes it was pretty....right to my core.

In any case tomorrow somewhat out of the blue I am seeing an old friend. Someone who was to me like the warm mug of milo in front of the fireplace on a cold winter's day...but such meetings are always met with some degree of anxiety...time has unpredictable impacts on people...some people you don't see for 10 years and NOTHING has changed about your interpersonal dynamic- you get along as if not a day passed thick as thieves...some people in the space of a few months transition into something altogether unfamiliar...that is kind of uncomfortable but potentially healthier?

It's only been a short time but I literally feel as if we last met many lifetimes ago...today I feel about 100 years old...literally.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Despair

Okay so have to say the raining weather kinda amplifies this but ever since watching the film FLOW...I felt this large scale sense of despair...I mean it SHOULD be a human right that each person has access to water as they do access to breathing...except that rich multinationals have kicked people off their land and control all the water and care not at all that some people are too poor to be able to PAY for water...which was always free before they got kicked off the land their ancestors have owned for generations!!

I don't know I just think money and greed and modernity is making human society lose all sense of decency and common sense...crazy!!!

In any case to be honest as a reasonably privileged person in a privilieged country I had NO IDEA about the crisis state of water commodification and it's impacts on the environment and people. It was very disconcerting to have my eyes opened...

Maybe I'm weird but I feel at this era of my life, while most of my cohort are concerned with careers, spouses, mortgages and babies I am finding my heart strings being pulled for the ENVIRONMENT and protection of the natural world...

Maybe the longstanding not so obvious inner Hippie is starting to consolidate to be an Outer AND Inner through and through Hippie as well...

I just have no idea what can be done or even mor specifically what III could do that would make a difference or be a positive contribution in the right direction...

Friday, September 23, 2011

Empowered ^^

I have to say I'm happier than I've ever been in my life...the reason?

A sense of Empowerment

I have to admit especially being born into a female body and growing up in a pretty chauvinistic dominant culture I've always felt rather oppressed. Factor into that culture, upbringing, men with big egos, ill health and a sense of oppression, helplessness and powerlessness have been major dampeners on life.

How did this post come about? I recently heard of an ex-colleague who'd be pushing her very late 30s...who as soon as she returned to her home country...got married! On viewing the wedding pictures I never saw anything so depressing...two complete strangers standing side by side with absolutely no interaction you would expect from a couple. I felt so sad that she felt so powerless that she felt at her age she had no options left available to her than to settle with some arranged-unknown-so not her type perfect STRANGER.

By the same token I feel sorry for all those impoverished women in asian countries with no education or means that end up with rich old white men because they have no better options.

So in this sense I feel I have options, opportunities, choices, I have ability to exercise free will, FREEDOM for the first time in my life...complete free reign! Boy do I feel happy about that. And RELIEVED. And I do spare a thought for those women in the world who aren't so lucky...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

And then there were...three :-p


So I went to check up on my favourite duck family this arvo...

it was terribly disconcerting to see the family of 10 just 2 days ago had diminished to 5(!!)...I saw 2 parents, 3 chicks and 2 chick corpses :-p

What have I learnt? Ducks aren't exactly the best parents...especially the fathers- they just kinda sit off by themselves and the mother can't cope with so many all by herself! Just another case where the animal world reflects human life...don't have too many babies or you can't give them decent quality of care!

I knew I should have just shovelled up all 8 ducklings and stuck them in a safe box until they were big enough to not be kookaburra meat! :-..(


My friend Robe


This is a self portrait he did of himself some years ago which I was lucky enough to receive in the mail today :D


I also really like his parents bedroom in BLUE...People who do Art...sighhhh! Thanks Mate :D