Sydney: Making peace with "The Big Smoke"

Okay so you've all heard how I detest cities in general particularly the one I'm most familiar with...

But I have to say I'm starting to make peace with it...it's all about perspective...seen 4 really good friends the past fortnight and so the city has become synonymus with lazing at the beach, catching up with good friends and STUFFING FACE with much better food than can be seen the in my not so bumpkin but still bumpkin town ^^. Ouch my belly seriously hurts from STREEETCH...lemme see...did a big organic beef burger and fries, a double gelato, an apple, a grass jelly premium pearl milk tea with taro pearls and plenty of water.

Enjoyed no cost beauty therapy...experiments with exfoliation of "chicken skin" with sand and surf with my b'day twin since we both suffer the problem. It was funny perving on all the beautiful (and not so beautiful bods on the beach-actually more this) LOL, it's okay to be completely open and honest admitting to shallowness and superficiality when you're amongst old good friends that are your serious doppelgangers...it's pretty funny actually cos we agree about everything...it's like all the fun and convenience of a real twin without having someone to cramp your space or steal your look! LOL

Happy Days...now I just need to wait for the next season of foreign visitations!

ZHEN WANTS A FARMER?!

lol apparently this is a TV show my friends would tune into. That not being encouragement enough, lucky for me and the TV companies I have so few friends still left in this country :p that it doesn't warrant decent ratings. If I was extroverted and liked attention and didn't care for privacy I probably would go on though...how else do wannabe cowgirl farmgirl city slickers meet all those cool people that FARM and live on FARMS?? :P

I'm just curious though...cos they say your friends and family know you best...and HO this primarily is directed at you...if you were to choose me a farmer which one would you pick?!

I'm still trying to acquire an appropriate countrygirl hat btw ;) - tis proving very hard to obtain now that I am not in rural farm country...hopefully I get it by the time my farmer friend comes to town! I think it will be pretty funny walking through the city with a bonafide farmer and wearing cowboy hats...and didn't I say I hate attention? lol....actually, there is a big difference between blatant subversion and pure attention-seeking. Obviously I love Sydney city and it's Sydney-esque inhabitants too much... :-p

Okay so I need 27 acres...

That is how much land you need in order to not be able to see any neighbours apparently!!! 11 HECTARES. Yikes.

Sheesh what a huge ask to get a bit of quiet and privacy...I wouldn't even know how to maintain that much land...

But in the meantime I guess I need to start entering lotto, lol...

City Life...Oh the TRAUMA.

So like a piece of lichen stuck to a rock my better self yanked me from my sanctuary confines to a necessary appointment in the big city...as per usual it didn't disappoint on the *gross* (absolument!) front...

My bus ride in the city was absolutely chockers packed in like sardines bathed in a sea of non stop activity of wireless devices so that I could feel myself burning up. As it crawled along I was so uncomfortable I got off as distant as time could afford and walked the remaining four stops to my destination. Not to be outdone, my bus ride from that destination: as soon as I sat down a pile of pink projectile puke was emitted from a child's cough and thank goodness for my nervy reflexes that I managed to whisk my feet to the side just in the time...the loud bang alerted the driver to the fact a kid had just vomited on the bus (to their credit, the mother and friend did a great job of cleaning up after the mess)...In any case with nothing around but peak gridlock there was nothing to be done but be bathed in projectile pink vomit germs for the next 15 minutes...

On the next bus I found myself thinking "God, why must people ALWAYS sit next to me, even when there are SPARE seats to be found?" I kind of felt a sense of dejavu...like how every single tradesperson etc seems to need to GO in MY bathroom...I'm starting to think it's cos I must give a sense of being clean and hygenic and not offputting enough...maybe I need to get some tatts, a bad smell and a scary face full of piercings? Just once I'd love to be able to go for an empty corner of ANYWHERE and not have ANYBODY have to want to share that space...uninvited.

At the train station I found myself really needing to pee...there was nothing to be done I had to go...as I lined up in yet another ridiculous sized queue I had a bad feeling...it was fulfilled...at the front of the queue a door opened-the toilet I was supposed to go to since I was next...the oversized lady came out with a shamed look on her face...this can't be good I remember thinking to myself...but I had to go as it was my turn in the queue... As soon as I entered the cubicle a putrid smell met me...and the cover of the seat had been turned to hide what lay inside...I flushed the toilet as a preventative measure...to no avail...a big stinking fresh POO stuck to the side greeted me on opening sesame-arghhh!!!...I glanced outside watching the next girl in the queue go to another much cleaner (I suspected) cubicle...another glance at the long queue and I was just like Steel your nerves and just go...so I did but spent extra long washing my hands with a heck of a lot of soap and warm water.

What did I conclude by the end of the time in the city? THE CITY is a bloody disgusting HEALTH HAZARD! No wonder I got soooo sick.

In any case I was SOOOOOO FILLED WITH GRATITUDE when I saw my usual bus in my nice clean FRESH smelling town, and the cheery hot regular bus driver, the spick and span shining gleaming bus with ample seats and with no offensive odours...

I love being a country bumpkin. I'll say it again...I can never. ever ever EVER. live in a big city AGAIN. ...ick!

...ick! ...ick!

THE END(...lots of LAUNDRY to do tomorrow!)

Belated Dummy Spit

So I really REALLY can't stand the big city anymore...but this time I'm actually DOING SOMETHING about it! ie...how sad is this...isn't a 30yo too freaking old to be doing a "runaway"?

No worries I also have more noble or good head on my shoulders reasons than mere peevedness with big cities...

Anyway that also means that I get to tramp with no agenda fulfilling the boho dero stereotype that many people expect me to be...

So yeah, you can't say I disappoint! LOL

A Simple Equation.

City Peeps=Icky Vibes

The city is one big population of predominantly disgruntled, stressed out angry peeps which makes for a heck of a lot of bad mojo to soak up by osmosis if you're as energetically sensitive as me :p

I've never noticed this problem out of town, cos people in general are alot happier and relaxed in general with easier going lives and less daily pressures.

The main problem with living amongst cityfolk is that people are irrational, emotional creatures and tend to need to vent their issues somehow and more often than not it'll come to whichever poor hapless random soul happens to be walking past...I hate when that's me :-p

Of course there is a temptation to yell right back (in all fairness). But I don't. It takes some form of self control(I think living here is a very good exercise in learning self control and more importantly, forgiveness). In any case, lucky I am a gutless wonder(anti-confrontational)...and just happen to be a pretty nice bean ;) too :)

However, I think I Need to do some qigong and go bond with the ocean, or an animal or a tree :) soon.

It's hard staying...clean...here.

Get out of my face, PLEASE.

One much wiser chump than me once said "what you resist, persists"...Something to ponder perhaps, me thinks...

This week so far has been testament to some pretty impressive demonstration of mind over matter in that I believe I've done a really good job not to whack anyone in the face...or scream and hurl obscenities and pepper spray.

However, in the cartoon videoscreen of my fanciful imagination I am hurling a big tall tree log in whopping 360s clearing a nice comfy "personal bubble space" wherever I walk cos it's a concept that city people don't friggin seem to understand. If an entire room is empty, why must some chump always have to sit next to me....are we really living in a society that is so lonely and fearful of being alone that people don't realise I appreciate some damn friggin SPACE?

You know those cartoons where some animal gets hunted and has to keep running from room to room and closing the door and leaning on it...that is literally how I felt yesterday. And today wasn't that much better. I have a new found appreciation for being able to come home and know that when I close that door nobody will bug me for another 8 hours or so.

It's been interesting anyway talking to my cousin who also suffers "social issues" - she observed that if anything her issues manifest in reverse ie. she is SO weird it makes people STAY AWAY rather than an object of intrigue to be bugged!

If anything what I am craving most lately, is a nice comfy 3m diameter space to move (I take a lot of space). Or at least a minimal 50cm buffer zone so I don't have to smell people's personal odours or have them step on my feet lean on my arm or strike up spitty conversations in my ear since they were too socially idiotic to properly interpret my blatant lurches away.

I came up with a conspiracy theory that maybe I am radiating lots of good energy and that is why it seems like loads of people are drawn to come so close to me lately...they're coming to steal and sap my good energy!!! :P Well whatever the case, all this "social interaction" is leaving me feeling somewhat drained...

Not sure what is up recently but obviously some part of my "misanthropic vibe" ain't broadcasting strong enough cos people keep impinging on my sacred personal bubble...

Which is making for one very *CraNkY* Z!

I can't wait to get out of the city...

It's called...BOHO, y'know?!

So, after that horrible sleep deprivation due to all that design play last night I wasn't in any kind of mood to really care for a conscious existence...

So my girlfriend says to me this afternoon:

"What's with the HAIR?!!!"

To which I replied:

"What's WITH the hair?"

*silence*

LOL, I think I am so sick of how superficial, vacuous and shallow and APPEARANCE obsessed people in this city are...for sure it started with me being lazy and unkempt and can't be bothered but NOW, it's more kind of like...maybe I do it just to be subversive!!!

In any case, I had the gall to rock up to one of the wankiest clubs in this city in jeans and shoes that technically are...sneakers...so yeah, a little messy unsymmetrical pony tail with lots of fly away strands everywhere at schoool....lol, that's NOTHING!

The City is GROSS!

Skank galore and full of dirty flirty pervs...it's absolutely friggin...disgusting!

Walking around by myself as a female...can be...just....blergh...

I think I'm still getting used to not having a buffer around...

So although I usually try to balance comfort dero-ness for some adult credibility today at least I felt the need to revert back to my cons and hoodies...with the messy high ponytail and sunnies I think I can pass for a tall 10 year old :) well maybe a teenager except that these days even really young girls dress so skanky and wear so much makeup....which is why I think in my get up I could look like a kid from a distance.

I think I'll be doing this a lot more often...until I escape to somewhere less skanky...

my friend said...if the city grosses me out so much, why don't I just go immerse myself in a church crowd...LOL...no thanks!

Frazzled

As much as I try not to let it get to me, the city environment really gets to me. This has been the first holiday period where I didn't actually get the chance to go away not even for a day...and it's starting to become obvious. I haven't managed to unwind and get relaxed...only to be looking down the barrel of another hectic semester...in a way I will be glad to get back to routine and not let my mind 'hyperventilate' so to speak lol. I'm looking at the week ahead though and wondering...is there any way I can escape to the mountains, or SOMETHING, even if it's just for a day of peace? Or will I have to make do with a quick trip to the beach again...it seems like despite all the time-I guess cos I was sick for most of it-I didn't actually get too much done AT ALL! I think it would have been more effective to actually take a real holiday away and actually rest and rejuvenate. Very important for me actually...ARGHHHHHHHHH.

Maybe I can make do with a massage, or several...I'm such a hopeless city slicker.

Male Chivalry in the City...

So I was a little struggling with a bag full of art supplies and about 3 bags of food...and I suddenly hear this "do you need a hand?" from some cute random male.

HUH? Is my first thought- this doesn't happen in Sydney City!!!

So immediately, cynical suspicion kicks in and I politely decline the offer (cos really I didn't really need any help...I've managed in more dire situations...)

Later on I'm trying to get through the door to my building and I hear an offer of help again...this time it's a random lady neighbour...I didn't hesitate to accept at all especially cos this time I felt I actually needed it ;)...well we weren't going to get through the door with all my bags blocking the entry anyhow is how I saw it...

I was reflecting on these two episodes and wondering whether there was in any way double standard involved...ie that I can so easily and willingly accept help from a lady but not a man...I have to admit it's probably got a lot to do with Ego...The Independent female who is not quite feminist but definitely very capable was definitely unwilling to accept help from a MAN...cos God forbid it conveys the idea that "women Need men(!)" And besides,...living in the city you tend to come armed with a healthy dose of cynicism- when did favours ever come for free?!

In any case the standard is that nobody offers to help carry grocery bags unless you're an elderly little old lady and even if I do feel like one at times, I'm still far from one...

Eh, I hate that city dwelling has made me so cynical that people might just be plain...*nice*!

From this episode which is exactly how most females I know would have reacted makes me conclude: the Independent Female Ego is definitely very alive and well!!! LOL

What did I say...

LOl this article just confirms exactly what I have been spouting all along!

p.s got preoccupied with wacky dreams and old souls...will catch up with email soon!

I'm baaaack!

But very very tired.

I was so glad for a *hot* shower, although even after scrubbing and soaping myself many times over and a fresh change of clothes, I still feel decidedly dirty.

First thing I did -no surprise- was do the washing... I got so unbelievably filthy. Next top priorities after cleaning, will be sleeping, eating asian food and catching up on the internet world.

I kind of miss the never ending interesting times and companionship of my backpacker family (who perhaps by the types of people that are drawn to vast open rugged spaces) I have a whole lot more in common with than my fellow Sydneysiders, but at the same time I am totally exhausted from such a social life and looking at my clean, spacious and comfortable, convenient loner abode with fresh, appreciative and admiring eyes.

The brother and the kidlets get in tomorrow and then there is Xmas, New Years etc etc so like everyone probably won't be as excessively conscientious as I usually am about tending my blog...but hopefully I'll get round to sifting through the fruits of my and Horace's labours and post some pics on a new pic blog soon.

A Return to Civilisation...

I find it ironic that the last time I used that title was on my return to the city...Now my thoughts have flipped 180...in "civilisation" I'm referring to my old regional town...I finally went back for the first time in 10 months!

And wow, what a welcome it gave :-D On the way up, I couldn't help but feel sheer inspiration and awe at the beauty and majesty of the natural scenery, even though I'd seen it countless times before.

The weather was perfect, and as I sat contentedly on the waterfront breathing very-much-not-taken-for-granted-clean-air eating fish and chips, a Pelican flapped right down near me to visit close enough so I felt the water spray off its wings. Not only that but my favourite Husband and Wife Duck who used to accompany me on the trail home at dusk also dropped in to visit! I Love Ducks :)

When I was sitting there waiting to leave a Rainbow appeared!

Unfortunately, when I was leaving the city, it was horribly overcast and raining so at the last moment I removed Horace from my bag so sorry no pics :(

Although mentally I knew and remembered people up there to be Niiiiice, it was still quite a shock to actually experience the genuine warmth and friendliness of the locals! I felt a bit strange though to be confronted with such a different world and realised definitely after being in the city for awhile now I'd become more reserved, inhuman and standoffish again. I was taken by surprise when cars actually stopped for me at the zebra crossings, there was actually SPACE and nobody was puffing a ciggy in the vicinity let alone my face!

Being a bit of a hippie town, I managed to stock up on 10(!) more crystals which I haven't seen here in the city...the more interesting ones being Apatite,Coral and Peacock Ore(iridescent rainbow)...sorry too lazy to pic them!

The one I was most drawn to immediately out of the comprehensive collection was definitely the apatite-the colour was just so pretty!

I think if I'm going to be stuck in the city for another 2 years minimum I really need to go up more frequently to save my sanity- it's such a positive vibe and so reenergising and relaxing :-)

Crazy Ideas with The Saturn Return!

So it's been "tomorrow" and then some, but I'm still feeling quarterlife crisis-y...

I guess it all comes down to being triggered- so last week there was a series of events which reminded me of human fragility, mortality etc and that life is short...and hence that we should ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!

this thought sent me into a tailspin examining my current life, and how it is so rigid with no scope for fun that if I really think about it I feel very much like a caged bird...and long to be free as a butterfly!

I guess The Saturn Return also compels you to look at your life and question "what is really important to me"? and I realise I have a great desire to be with nature, in a natural environment and to feel free...

but in the city I really feel like a caged bird. Not only that but although this is the city I know best, I really don't feel like I belong. I guess it is like my friend who is moving to Melbourne- she went for the first time only last week but immediately thought "I'm home"...even though I knew nobody in my regional town and the general population were all retirees some decades my senior, I felt a lot more at home. True Sydneysiders just seem so ridiculously pretentious especially to those of us who regularly interact with people ex-Sydney...

So spur of the moment crazy idea...maybe I should fling aside some 'duty' for a bit and investigate my dream: I want to live off the land! or at least try it so maybe spend the summer on a farm fruitpicking(!!!)

Basically when I really dug deep asking what I want in life- the honest answer that came back was shamefully simple and very disturbing...a far cry from my big headed idealism of trying to help heal people via TCM...

Basically, all I really want is to have a cottage on a reasonably secluded rural or coastal property where clean air and beautiful space is abundant, and sit on the verandah in a rocking chair with a cup of tea, watching the gum trees sway in the breeze listening to the kookaburras laugh while the sun sets and my chickens and ducks peck and wander aimlessly...and maybe being able to walk to a desolate beach round the corner for a run with my tin tin dog and to squelch my bare feet in the wet sand and then come back to my organic veggie patch and fruit trees to pick some fresh produce in time for dinner. That's all- not too much to ask?!(!!) Somehow it feels wrong to have such self serving desires and to not have a purpose that benefits the wider community...

LOL when I read back though that...sheesh! what I want in life just shows how much of an Old Granny lives in this body!

The Trouble with Daydreaming...

It was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS :p

I call them "bad eggplant days" after those old-school computer games where you bump into a badluck charm and you then have this "bad eggplant" icon stuck to your little man for a period and everything goes wrong ie your little animated character bumps into rocks, falls over etc etc...
In any case, this post could equally accurately be called "when your thoughts come back to you-part two"...

So. Since being in the city, I've been plagued by blurry vision- with the mini reprieve I got I thought it'd be best to use that time to go check it out with a western doc...he suspects it is PURELY to do with the fact that my eyes aren't coping with the city pollution...so anyway he told me to first investigate my glasses prescription with the optometrist...

I was on my way to that vicinity(heart of the city) - on the crawling bus observing all the degradation of citylife and city people with wonderfully melancholic Sarah McLachlan in my ears for soundtrack, I was lost in deep thought...how much I HATE the city, surprise at how much being in a natural environment means to me and how much I really, really want to go back to my regional seaside town if it weren't for my conflicting interest of aquiring my professional qualifications...so I was losing myself in escapist imagination: big sky, clean air and wide open space...

So anyway, the city BIT BACK!

When I glanced up I realised shit I'm here already! (not too familiar with the exact location of the shop in the city) Talk about BAD TIMING. Right at the moment I wanted to get off the doors shut and a ticket inspector got on. Basically it was REALLY BAD TIMING- my haste to get off made it look as though I had seen the inspectors and wanted to get off implicating me as guilty straight away...so yada yada didn't get a fine, but I got a warning and all my details taken for not getting off at the stop prior...in any case I was in too passive tired defeatist mode to waste my breath clarifying my case- I let the guy get his power trip, accuse me of "being naughty" and use me as a scape goat to 'get his quota for his black book'...although it was kinda embarrassing as it happened in front of a whole audience, because I was not intentionally trying to rip the state government off of their 40c-I didn't go bright red as a beet because I had a completely clear conscience... but now I'm totally blacklisted with the authorities I better curb my daydreaming somewhat or next time it's gonna be a very expensive indulgence!

so anyhow when I finally got to the damn shop it was shut! MAN. I consoled myself by visiting my favourite music store and then another...and there I went nuts- LOl it is so dangerous to let me near a music store EVER let alone when I'm needing to "de-stress" or "console myself"!

I instantly switched to all absorbed mode eyes intensely scanning row by row shelf by shelf the entire music store for things that I might like that were on sale...

I ended up with...SIX new aquisitions...with money yet to be earnt (!!) *big smack for me!*

In case you were wondering...

>LAMB best kept secrets 1996-2004

>MORRISSEY suedehead

>ARCADE FIRE neon bible

>MUSE absolution

>SINEAD O'CONNOR so far...the best of

>ANDREW BIRD armchair apocrypha

*sigh*

Lacking restraint with the retail therapy since I haven't been out of my 1.5km bubble for so long, I went into a department store, got totally harangued by aggressive salespeople trying to sell me fragrance and beauty products and I didn't know how to get out of it...what a time sucker!:P But I found a great pair of heels (weakness for shoes!) great with jeans (we learnt in massage that heels can actually relieve certain muscular ailments as I had already concluded from experience, PLUS, I like how I get more adult credibility when I lose the sneakers and flip flops!) but alas...none left in my size ( as per usual- another reason the city doesn't suit me- back in my old town WOW shopping is great - most people there do not require XS sizing so when they do have XS they tend to always be on sale :)

ANYHOW at least the day improved greatly when I returned home and watched JUNO (details in separate post).

Later since I had to go out to return the DVD I thought I'd meet up with my one local friend for a drink(cos I was really feeling like I needed one...and I'm not stupid enough to enter a pub/bar unescorted)...however he wasn't punctual and while waiting a few minutes on the road I got sick of being harrassed for money. sheesh early evening in the city you get harrassed by druggies, later evening you get harrassed by grogged up drongos...ARGHHHHHHHHH I just can't win in the city!

So anyway I decided to head back(little tolerance to put up with crap)...along the way, my curiosity made for an impromptu stop at my first ever dog race! Hey Cool-certainly a new and interesting experience for me! It was all beer, smokes and snags...I found it highly amusing and ironic that I always get bagged out for being such a *country bumpkin* but it took being right in the city to actually feel for the first time like I was in the stereotype of what urbanites think country people are all about! :P

Gassed! :-o

Oh the joy of city living never manages to disappoint.

Late last night, my entire apartment started to be consumed in the smell of...GAS! Confining me to my bedroom with the door closed, a towel shoved in the gap between the door and the floor and my windows wide open and the air purifier on.

I was kinda concerned...and seriously unimpressed but cos I had an exam the next day I decided just to (not literally) suck it in, rationalising that cos there is no gas supply to the building it should subside once the leaking portable device ran out...MAN it lasted a good 2 hours or so...and then I don't know cos my head was engulfed by the grogginess and I went to sleep.

Thankfully in the morning the fumes had gone...but SHEESH I didn't get much rest considering how much I was depending on having a top functioning brain: why do these last minute dramas always seem to happen right before I have a big assessment? (I realised, it's cos I always have some thing or another happening...)

anyway fingers crossed- looking forward to a guilt free sleep tonight but I still have a shockingly early start...whinge whinge...I'm such a night owl I think I could do 1.5X the amount I do now quite comfortably if did everything at night(much more functional, efficient and productive) instead of during the day!

I Miss the Stars...

Terribly. I was amazed to look out from my city balcony and besides seeing right into a neighbour's kitchen sink, when I looked up I actually saw...STARS! What a treat it is to be able to see stars these days, let alone the moon- I can't even remember when I last saw it : (

This is a far cry from my regional living days, which I'm missing terribly. I used to walk home at dusk to be greeted by a serene blue-black sky flooded with the glimmer of a zillion twinkly silver stars, a luminous big swiss cheese for a moon, and a wide open road...a husband and wife pair of ducks - let's call them Martha and Bert- used to waddle and quack part of the trail home for me.

I feel homesick. It's such a struggle to live in the city- such oppression- no space, no privacy, no ability to take deep lungfuls of air, no peace...so difficult to stay healthy and functional especially with all my incessantly chain-smoking and uncivilised neighbours.

Time has flown by but even though I'm being kept busy to the point of constant exhaustion, when you're not having fun, it feels like time draws out like an interminable spider thread...

I don't know why I feel so homesick now- I think it's cos my qigong teacher was describing how he travels all over rural Australia each week sharing his knowledge, and I guess it made me feel really envious since I know and love all those places...and I know it'll be a while yet before I have enough skill and experience to be able to do the rural or "flying doctor"... although I know that there is a real need for regional health services, I think my desire now is equally motivated by wanting to have a valid excuse to regularly escape the city in the event that I still have to live here...my mum always just says..."eh why make life so difficult? Just go marry a rich farmer!"
LOL

Beer Goggle Theory

Back in the city, I very quickly learnt why I can't go out Saturday nights... Article here: it's true!

Lost in the City

It's been a pretty heavy week. From hearing so many sad stories and problems. And the thing is in this concrete jungle there is no escape...if anything it's claustrophobic and amplifies the heaviness. After significant amounts of it, I start to absorb and internalise other people's pain- empathic resonance perhaps?

It's quite bizarre....in any case it's making me reconsider wanting to specialise in clinical depression-perhaps I'm too sensitive. It kind of feels like people "feed" off me until I feel completely drained. I think that is why I react so strongly to being in natural environments- that is the only thing that can truly "recharge" me- by connecting with the natural world. I am a child of nature :) after all.

So I was doing the hermit withdrawal thing trying to recoup some of this lost energy...I can't believe I even passed up my big chance to meet a world class pianist backstage in favour of staying home with some funny dvds! I just didn't think I could take bumping into one more depressed problem laden person...

I was so tempted to indulge my whim to go fly back out to be with the whales...an aside, I always feel oddly displaced in the city amongst cityfolk...it always feels like my energy is being sapped not only from the people but from the environment! Actually I'm really starting to wonder...are there any HAPPY HAPPY people in the city?! :P

p.s actually one good thing...I accidentally bumped into the patient I spent the most amount of time on counselling and consoling this year...I haven't seen her in a couple of months but I was so surprised to see her smiling and vibrant- such a Huge turnaround! It was kinda nice to know that I had some small role to play in that :)