Just be You.

I don't know why there is such a need to define all the time with me...maybe it is my INTJ which loves all the labelling and neat categorization and compartmentalization think...SHELDON from Big Bang! :D

Anyway my city slicker friends call me country bumpkin but then I know REAL country bumpkins that like talking about cows all day ;) (That ain't me...LOL)

Also even my music taste...lately I've been indulging my taste for the electro sound listening to the unique experimental style of one of my music heroes MARTIN DOSH and the electropop of CUT COPY....hardly country bumpkin fare, more like the teenybopsters of any major metro city!!

So yeah I need to learn how to accept being neither full black nor white and just live with the speckled egg of white black and grey that is ALL me as well as the yellow-white banana thing I have happening, lol...innate complexity is a good thing...just cos most people don't seem to have this...it's okay to be a super minority...would be nice to live in a country and culture where more INs existed though...and to be understood by a majority rather than a very teeny tiny rare spark of genius, lol...

Torture me and I'm still not budging.

Okay I'm in one of those really "self jeopardising can't be stuffed moods". I'm being reckless and irresponsibly rebellious. I've taken the liberty of taking the rest of the day off COS I'M JUST SO TIRED! It's basically 3 strikes and you're out so this far into semester I'm allowing myself one strike (feel the "break" will help me regain some balance and replenish the empty reserve).

I've been feeling very unmotivated... so when I sat down to watch Grey's yesterday - tv watching is such a foreign event my set is not even plugged in- it occurred to me when I'm at home, I never allow myself time to just fully relax- veg and just enjoy life's simple pleasures...so now I'm just throwing all caution to the wind- my timing sux I know. Basically, I've hit a brick wall- I'm just so tired- hence no motivation- apathy- can't be stuffed! I don't feel frustrated like I want to box a punching bag, rather I just feel like I need a tension release, to feel free...ie I just want to go for a nice long run on a large desolate rural property or a deserted beach or something...not possible right now...GRRRrrrrr.

At times like these I really need something to reenergise and quick!

Unfortunately the only full-proof solution is GETTING OUT OF THIS DAMN CITY! But there is no scope...and definitely no time within rigid schedule... I did try the escapist thing by going to the cinema but...soooo didn't work!

In any case what is worse to compound this "blah mood", is the fact that the best friend I have made this year who frequents my daily life is leeeeeaving! And it's really hard to have this kind of daily grind without a really good friend by your side to endure every step of the protracted suffering with!

*sighhhhhh* this friend leaving thing...STORY OF MY LIFE! The Chinese say you are born with different kind of luck- I have to say in terms of friends I'm totally jinxed since birth- all my closest friends have always picked up and moved- I'm not sure, perhaps I am just naturally attracted to Happy Wanderers? In any case, it is very disconcerting and destabilizing, cos I think for me my close relationships are my "roots"-they give me the framework for who I am, a sense of groundedness, stability etc...I'm really starting to wonder-is it worth it for me to even bother making effort to get to know new people since they all typically Leave as soon as I feel comfortable and close!

okay end of whingey rant- maybe after a nice long sleep, an intensive music listening session and a nice long yoga session in lieu of being a responsible student, I can get on with the job :P

Convoluted Paths, Film and Music...

I learnt in my notetaking class about the curious art form of Path Tracing. It's pretty cool really: to gauge human interaction with a public space, people's movements in that space are documented and recorded visually- this has become some kind of ubercool underground art form...

Since I had a luxurious day off yesterday today brought scope for "playtime"- and it was only the second time I've found myself having to come back reasonably late night unescorted in the city and we all know what happened the first time :P

So anyway I deliberately went back the long-winded way to avoid the beer goggled and dangerous yobbo stretch...no such luck :P just 200 m shy of home there was some crazy blocking the bridge who was curled up screaming violent nonsense like he required an exorcism...so I had to turn back to where I came and walk yet another convoluted path home...

I was half thinking- "wow what pretty arty squiggles my path home would have made"LOL. Of course my rational practical side was thinking "sheesh, SO INEFFICIENT- this convoluted path walking is really starting to get on my nerves!"

So anyway, I caught a film The Visitor - I have to admit I didn't read the entire blurb when choosing - I got suckered in by the headline "in a world of 6 billion people it only takes one to change your life" as well as the fact it was set in NYC...

Unfortunately, unlike Juno I have no glowing review for The Visitor...I found the movie was overly sentimental, overly constructed/stylized? and highly oppressive/quite heavy- I guess that is the mood the director was trying to achieve though...if you have seen this film and have an opinion, I'd like to know!

In any case, I did take one inspiration from the film...

I think I want to take up African Drumming(Djembe)!!!

pic: wikipedia

Playing drums has always been a childhood wish (along with trombone, sax and double bass- LOl what's the deal with small person and big instruments?!)

I like rhythm so much, I remember as a child playing pots and pans and even stringing up an icecream bucket to be 'the little drummerboy'...this love for rhythm and noise even extended to me 'tapdancing' on the kitchen tiles.

Anyhow no drumkit or drum lessons ever eventuated because of my mum's preconceived ideas about what constitutes a gender appropriate instrument...or maybe she was just being sensible it what she would be able to stand the sound of!!

In any case, since I'm on the topic of music, just yesterday I was listening to Nigel Kennedy's Four Seasons and thinking what an utterly sublime piece of classical music it is, and that if I could play the violin I'd want to be able to play just like him!

Similarly, if I could play Cello, I'd want to be able to play like Yo Yo Ma. And piano, I have no favourite artist as long as I had the ability to play great composers like Ravel, Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Mozart, Debussy etc...

The great thing about African Drumming is unlike the others which you need to learn as a child just to be able to make nice noises, I think hand drums are relatively easy to learn as long as you have a decent sense of rhythm! I wonder how much they cost??...I think this will have to wait till after the DSLR...and I definitely need to take a vow of abstinence with the CDs! :-p

Hilarious!

okay so when I first got this email I found it absolutely hilarious! I wasn't going to publish it on my blog...but S encouraged me to ;)

This is just great testament to show how people have REALLY different levels of sensitivities and how some people like to take out their bad days on others...

(Names have been changed to protect privacy and to prevent me from being sued for defamation LOL)

> -----Original Message-----
> From: mscherrylane [mailto:mscherrylane@nice.com.au]
> Sent: Monday, 1 September 2008 6:53 PM
> To: info@ozbountifulwholefoods.com.au
> Subject: PLEASE UNSUBSCRIBE ME FROM YOUR MAILING LIST!
> Importance: High
>
> PLEASE UNSUBSCRIBE ME FROM YOUR MAILING LIST!
>
> THANKS!
>
> MSCHERRYLANE

> -----Original Message-----
> From: OzBountiful Wholefoods [mailto:info@ozbountifulwholefoods.com.au]
> Sent: Wednesday, 3 September 2008 8:52 PM
> To: 'mscherrylane'
> Subject: RE: PLEASE UNSUBSCRIBE ME FROM YOUR MAILING LIST!
>
> Mscherrylane,

> I'm so pleased that my response to your email below got you to yell at
> me in your e-mail to unsubscribe you from our list. Whatever happened
> to common courtesy to say "Thank you for the information on your
> deliveries but theyu don't fit my requirements so please unsubscribe
> me." More and more we are finding that customers are getting to be very rude in their dealings.
>
> Please do not ever return to our website, we will not deal with you again.
>
> Kind regards and have a great day!
>
> Dick
> OzBountiful Wholefoods

Analysis
Being a nice person, I went past the thought "man, this guy is totally touchy, unprofessional and rude and I can understand why business is ailing" and wrote back "Sorry had capslock on. Didn't realise it was that offensive. Cheers."

Because my laptop often locks up on capslock and cos alot of people write in capitals I didn't see anything wrong with my capslock message, and as S points out I wrote PLEASE and THANK YOU so how on earth could that be seen as "rude"?!!

I guess maybe we're not so with it- that in netiquette, capslock is interpreted by generic people as yelling...in any case the unsubscribe link in their original email was not working and I had to send an unsubscribe request 3 times for it to actually be done, so even if it was unintentional, they totally deserved to be yelled at into action! LOL

In any case latest life update- I'm feeling old and very responsible adult. In the past 12 hours been a little stressed and worried - was made aware of some of the heavier sides of life which you are blissfully sheltered from by your parents as a kid.

Still feeling rather disillusioned with the state of society (especially cityfolk)- people are so selfish, inconsiderate, such...takers - there are so few obviously decent people in the city which makes the decent people shine out even more like a twinkly star, and hence I am very grateful and appreciative for this minority. I am also starting to notice that good natured, fair and just people are few and far between...at least a compelling reminder for why I will always love Me! ;)

Reminder: Don't Forget to SMILE!

LOL I guess after several months now in city degradation, it had started getting to me so that I was becoming just like every other city slicker...

to the extent that a random stranger actually came past and whispered a curt command: "SMILE!"

but I really did feel sick and like crap yesterday, plus, I'm really bad at obeying commands...but I made a mental note for future-ie so today I remembered to =) even though smiling wasn't exactly warranted - all day in assessments!

I guess I don't smile much randomly cos it's not normal in the city to see people smiling so if you do smile, people are more likely to stare at you and think you're crazy! Hence I'd rather not draw unwanted attention to myself...also, I think I'm more the kind of person who smiles with my eyes and generally with purpose(when there is someone to direct it at).

Cos my eyes are so sensitive to pollution however, or perhaps it's the Scorpio woman stereotype -I wear dark glasses everywhere I go, even at night, so people rarely witness me smile....giggle yes, but not smile...hehe maybe it's my subconscious remembering I probably have food stuck in my teeth since I'm constantly snacking LOL

My Bubble of Idealism has BURST : (

I had the stupid nerve to venture out of my 1.5km bubble again. It was yet more horrible continuation of bad eggplant day of yesterday...I don't want to go into the details.

But basically it's all about the city-city-a horrible place to live- I know I should use positive affirmation to delude myself but compared to my old town it's...horrible. All the asssociated degradation I have to endure that comes with citylife just keeps popping my idealistic bubble.

So predictably enough...I ended up in a music store...AGAIN. And wreaked a further 5 cds worth of damage. At least they were playing THE CURE greatest hits the whole time I was in there, so the visit was somewhat therapeutic.

Later, waiting for the bus it started raining very heavily. Ahhhh such relief. People stared at the crazy girl with no common sense...but to me that was an invitation from the universe to cleanse me of city grime...so I indulged big fat raindrops pelting my face...that's the closest to nature I can get in this disgusting concrete jungle. Felt more grounded after connecting with my inner hippie like that.

In any case when your soul is feeling heavy the best happy tonic is the joyful music of one of my music idols- Youssou N'Dour from Senegal. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND his album Coono du reer (Nothing's in Vain) even if you don't think you like world music. It is complete *joy* through music from a total God- well he definitely has a presence and an amazing vibe...

so you blast it really loud, and your uncultured blinkered citydwellers exclaim "what the hell is that?!" LOL.

Happy Times :)

p.s I justified the crazy ELEVEN cd purchase in one weekend with the fact that I'm just gonna hole up from now on- unless I can TRULY escape the city I'm not gonna venture out of my 1.5km bubble- the less degradation I have to witness the better I'll feel...ignorance is bliss!