It's MY Life Thanks : )

So it's pretty well taken a good 27 years or so just to be able to say that comfortably...What a relief!

Living life to please others will ultimately never make one's own self happy- for people who weren't born or socialised to be assertive like me-that's the most important thing you gotta take home from this post!!!

This post got inspired when in all my excitement as usual the first thing I blabbed to my folks who just got back from overseas was my whole Go to China Further Training revelation and my recent encounter with the old wise herbal expert practitioner...

My mum's immediate reaction: "Don't be so ambitious!"

I really don't get it, maybe she herself has a complex of being scared of failure so never wants to let me even Try!! Reminder: People can survive failure and disappointment-if anything they're good lessons for how to improve!

Yes parents, you gotta learn to let go- let your kids learn things for themselves the hard way- they can't always be under your protective bubble!

So anyway, last night I did a bit more research on the scholarship by talking to one of the winners from this year. Unfortunately, because I am not white blood and cos my school doesn't offer any scholarships I won't be eligible.

I also looked into the option of travelling as part of school for clinical hours but the reality is, not knowing any Mandarin- how much will I really learn? compared to staying local...so thinking through other options- I'm getting increasingly frustrated at not being able to get sufficient training in herbs because not only is my school skewed towards manual therapies and acupuncture...even if I want to organise private training there are such a lack of good herbalists that can function in English! Perhaps...due to these limitations (and my age!) I will have to go lateral and learn western herbs rather than try and specialise in Chinese herbs for internal medicine. hmmm...

Jumping back to thought from before...it's weird how most people I know succumb to peer pressure-for me that's never been an issue- but parental pressure-wow total other story!

Anyway I'm glad I've learnt to assert myself FINALLY and hopefully with all this expert herbal treatment, in 2 years I will be a lot healthier to be a lot more self sufficient and possibly even financially independent so have less obligation to succumb to other people's interests...

I'm sure my mum will be a lot happier and more at ease if I just get a husband, have kids and be a housewife which is possibly fine (bar the last part long term) but hmmm that depends on finding THE RIGHT PERSON and that's never guaranteed...so I'm happy with my direction now :)

In any case I'm only not yet 28- so I wish people would stop worrying- I think if you're a very independent person who likes time to yourself, has friends and is busy doing what you enjoy then lonesome factor should not kick in in a big way until perhaps you're retired, stuck in a house and have few friends...then maybe, you might consider settling for companionship...LOL

Drawn to a Higher Calling...

I've been a bit on edge this whole past week...cos I could feel something big brewing in my bones...

I'm not sure if it's IT but today I had: A lighthouse moment.

If you know how sickly I've been, how I don't fly and how weak my constitution is especially in regards to air pollution etc and what a complete germaphobe I am...you'll realise just what a big deal this 'revelation' is!

Basically...I decided...I'm Going to China!!! Probably in my final year though- either with school for 3 weeks first or...I did hear about an all expenses paid 6 month scholarship today(!!)

Basically...I realise there are two choices generally for women to put their energies into at this age...you can do the whole find a hubby, settle down and have a kid start a family thing OR you can put all your energies into your career!

I think especially because I already tried the former and now I actually have freedom and autonomy, now I'm definitely more drawn to this higher calling- I don't just want to be able to help single individuals and my own family and friends...I want to be able to effect masses! And potentially by going to China I will be able to get myself completely healed! In any case it will be an awesome learning experience...I realise here my learning is so limited, if I want to really truly be REALLY GOOD I GOTTA GO TO CHINA! Eeeek the thought is terrifying, hopefully E will be there at the same time, it will be slightly less daunting- I can't speak a word of Chinese-the only time I went to Asia I got major culture shock, homesickness and couldn't stand the dirt the grime the everything!

So don't mind me but I'm just going to knuckle down and try to make it all happen- so apologies in advance if I fall off the planet during semester!

Long Range Goal: My Own Business before 35!

So...I donated the whole weekend and this gorgeous sunny perfect beach Sunday to...crashing my first professional seminar! *how exciting*

How ignorant was I! Basically like lawyers, doctors and pharmacists, it only just hit me that I'll be having to do continuing education for the rest of my practising career!!! And if I do end up practising the likelihood is...Bye, Bye Saturdays!

So anyway, although the seminar was...advanced, it was really good just....to refocus...visualise... and remember my long term aspirations. Having so many interests etc, it's easy to often get distracted and allow yourself to get pulled in all different directions scattering your energies.

Furthermore, when the going gets tough(which it often does) or you remember all the things (especially lifestyle) you sacrifice to be a full time student at this age, it's easy to just wanna say "too hard" and go for...easier alternatives.

Anyway I realised within my future career there are several real possibilities for me- all quite different....
1. practitioner
2. health writer
3. medical researcher
4. academia and teaching

and some more novelty possibilities...
*i could go lateral and learn other alternative therapies or even just western herbs and become a eastern/western herbs expert
*I could partially live out my exciting world of 007 fantasy and be an illegal drug buster by working in airport customs etc by helping identify herbs...actually it sounds more exciting than it probably would be on the average day :P

in the end it also depends whether I choose to do one or both modalities and if there is a particular field of medicine I will specialise in and build my reputation on.

So far my passion is still herbs but the money making aspect will require me to love acupuncture too...I also love writing- so I wouldn't mind being a freelance writer for different health publications...

But then I also love breaking new ground with new ideas and new discoveries...so perhaps break-through medical research in herbs?! (but I don't think I'd enjoy writing formal theses or research papers)

Or maybe I'd be better in helping the set up or administration of a herbal research centre or forecasted integrated hospital...LOL so ambitious haven't even graduated and thinking of top dog jobs that don't even exist yet already?!! haha...

Hmmm....so many possibilities- I'm excited! I think I need a goal focused photo to stick on my wall or something to help keep me steadily on track...cos knowing my impulsive nature I could also do a 180 degree turnaround overnight and drop everything if I have some amazing lighthouse moment...

In any case I cannot know the future, the past is irrelevant and all that matters is the present. And for now that means I need to keep kicking myself in the butt to study hard and stay healthy so I can actually do that!