Slacking Off and other resolutions

Since coming back from holidays I've just been like this ginormous sloth octopus coral skulking on the seabed waiting for food to drift by into my mouth... (apologies to any marine biologists for the inaccuracy of this description).

I'm not proud.

It's all just too easy to rest on one's laurels and soak up the privileged view but while you're slacking off the whole world is working hard ready to demote you and show you how untalented you really are...

I've totally forgotten so much - of the basics! and there is just so much I need to know but don't...so I'm really going to make a concerted effort to stop squandering this precious time and get productive...first stopping indulging so many distracting and unproductive time-sucking pursuits which can wait for when I am old and wrinkled with real leisure time...

The other resolution I've smacked into myself is to no longer waste time associating with people who are limited by their narrow-mindedness...these are typically all the people who also seem to be rampant with "issues" and lead depressed and dysfunctional lives...I wonder why? LOL

All I know...I don't need it to rub off on me thanks!

Who's a Work Nerd?!

So I got up bright and early this morning for the first time- I'm not sure whether it's cos I've spent the last few days crashed out or whether it's excitement about trying out a new clinic today.

I think it's funny that I was so happy to be on official holidays but less than one week later I am already happy to be dipping my finger back in!

It's great when you love what you do and have a passion for your work- I feel sorry for the people who have to live any other way!

The last couple of days I've been unbelievably exhausted- I think perhaps it's that whole...your body knows when it can finally crash after a sustained intense period of work. I ended up skipping out on functions Friday, Saturday and Monday night! Saturday I was meant to do dinner with some classmates but we were all so equally exhausted we postponed. Friday I just felt plain urgh by dinner and Monday I completely forgot and only arose from a much needed nap at 6pm....blah, why do we allow our bodies to get so run down in the first place?! I guess this is what "modern life" is all about! And the reality is, it's only a privileged few who have cleaners, cars and fat wallets at their disposal.

The last fortnight or so has been pretty interesting- I think it had something to do with some astrological shift but a lot of creative ideas started free flowing...so now I'm just trying to work out which project to pursue...I also want to create a couple of pieces for my wall but don't know which one to start first... although I picked simple do-able things I still think it's pretty ambitious since I haven't picked up a brush or done anything particularly creative voluntarily in Yeeeeears!!

Apart from my mandala digital print project, I wanted to transfer a very simple graphic mandala with acrylic onto canvas...then I also wanted to try a simple blobby textured rendition of something whimsical like Drinking Water. Hopefully the more I get back into it, the more skill will come back...so I can produce more original stuff.

Apart from that, I'm still busy with lots of stuff that got laid by the wayside during the crazy hectic period and I'm also in a pretty contented period for the following reasons:

I'm living life how I want, doing what I want when I want and on my own terms.

I've stopped trying to fit myself into the neat categories defined by generic society.

I'm going with my intuition and listening to my body.

Oh on another strange note, I think my blogaholism has been cured too...I actually feel capable of not needing to blog or read blogs at all! ;) Good Timing, cos soon I won't have the means...

p.s one last thing I'm excited about...I'm going to start reading the much anticipated "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand...I hope it's as good as everyone says...

Colour Career Counselling...

Check this out. It's pretty interesting.

According to this test my number one most suitable career path is that of THE CREATOR...oops, maybe I should have stuck to my first line of training! Well, at least I tried it so I know for practical reasons I'd prefer to keep the artsy fartsy stuff as a side hobby.

Not bad, I guess I'm lucky that I've tried my best most suitable occupational category and now I'm trying the second...

You're a CREATOR
Key Words:Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional
These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.
CREATOR OCCUPATIONSSuggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.
CREATOR WORKPLACESConsider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.
Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a SOCIAL MANAGER
Key Words:Tactful, Cooperative, Generous, Understanding, Insightful, Friendly, and Cheerful
This very social type enjoys working in groups, sharing responsibilities, and being the center of attention. Fields of interest are instructing, helping, nurturing, care giving and instructing-especially young people. They discuss and consider feelings in order to solve problems, lead, direct, persuade, guide, organize and enlighten others.

The Law of Droughts and Floods

My phones were going ballistic today. I just wanted to crawl under a table and hide.

I know there's Murphy's Law but I was wondering if there's a name for The Law of Floods and Droughts?

I find it weird how in everybody's lives there always seems to be periods of floods or droughts even when they themselves feel pretty constant. I can only put it down to astrological transits...

I'm not the kind of person that likes the 'excitement' of massive extreme swings in anything but it always seems to happen due to this law of Floods and Droughts...it's always a "the banks have broken downpour" or else "as parched as a desert at high noon"...have no idea why! Bizarre.

So that's what it felt like Today: suddenly all my friends came out of the woodwork all wanting a piece of me...so I felt kinda stressed cos I don't want to let people down but there is absolutely no way I can accommodate it all and my fairness obsessed Libran bits doesn't know how to choose between friends....

I think it's a relief that I only have a few close friends locally because I don't enjoy these Downpours!

An aside, I'm starting to feel the pull of Vegetarianism (which I guess I've always part avoided due to not wanting to succumb to people's Hippie sterotypes of me)- admittedly, I tried my crazy friend's detox raw food diet the other night as a one off experiment cos I felt gluggy but the next day when I ate meat, I actually felt sick! Eating food raw and not eating meat totally defies all logic and traditional Chinese medicine wisdom! But somehow I did feel better so I want to try it properly...

Will just have to finish/donate all the meat from my freezer so I can try properly...not looking forward to hearing the rants and lectures that will no doubt come from my immediate Asian (and therefore meat obsessed) family cos I think once you start you really can't go back....but I've had it with being Bullied into convention!

p.s I went to my first I paid to attend professional seminar on Mood Disorders the other night- since helping those with depression and mental health seems to be my calling...(I've stopped trying to fight it and am rather embracing it now LOL)

There were some really interesting revelations including a) how modern society treats and perceives people with depression and b) on SSRI drugs (which I am totally convinced are evil since losing a good friend to them who has since become a brick wall) Anyway if you're interested hopefully I'll get a chance to post these insights on my TCM blog sometime.

Now this is a seriously disturbing thought...

Not yet half way through, and it's not just that the going is tough...

Since I embarked on my studies with the idealistic "I'm going to to save the world with..." plus I want my own career, my own business etc, I've been living a very blinkered one track-minded and limited version of life...

Foregoing several opportunities, making quite a few sacrifices, turning lots of blind eyes in the process...cos God forbid if anything take me off my track!

My first semblance of a wake up call came in January via a supernatural meeting of sorts, la la la although I didn't miss that it was Huge, because I'm anti-confrontational at my core, I still chose to ignore it...then recently the health scares, that was the second major wake up call...and I think THAT'S the one that really kicked in(cos that is something all too familiar I can relate to)...

So having had Time to reflect on these wake-up calls, I realised what I am living is not really living, it's merely existing and for what? For a career! Hmmm, somehow with this new mindset, the maths doesn't really seem to add up...

A health caring, life-saving career is all fine and well and noble but as older, wiser K :) pointed out, you can't help others unless you can help yourself...and with my ongoing medical issues, I've pretty much been near killing myself to try and achieve what I thought has always been my ultimate dream...to have a purposeful and fulfilling career and run a successful business.

But I noticed, perhaps I already inherently have in my character the capacity to help a lot of people in a big way...and perhaps a further tool is not necessary since isn't that all that matters in The Big Picture??

an aside, the number of random depressed/people with issues I seem to have attracted into my life in the past couple of months especially has really been completely uncanny! And I think although I did use tcm as a tool, I think the tools that really made the difference was more my big mouthed logical psychobabble and my care...

I don't know maybe it's the wisdom you get with having lived longer...but having those two wakeup calls, I'm starting to realise maybe I was wrong...in the Grand Scheme of LIFE, career is probably not that big a deal in terms of what makes you Happy long-term! In the case of healthcaring, it can actually be quite stressful being surrounded by sick and miserable people with their negative vibes all the time! And...Life is short!

So....I dunno. We'll see...I guess there'll be good scope for really honest soulsearching within myself when I'm in the middle of woop woop with nothing but the sky and the grass to distract me....that's if I pass through this semester and still have the option to choose(!!)

Control freak tendancies even for your own life are soooo irrational but that is the nature of the human beast: we're imperfect beings.

While I'm a Knowledge Gathering Whore...

I gotta admit...especially for those born high strung like me: Ignorance is Bliss!

a couple weeks back we had some health scares in the family which was a Major trigger for me...

the worst part is, when other people have problems I start worrying like nothing else and the worst part is I don't just leave it at the door...I internalise it-my stomach literally goes into knots: then I get sick. Having all this medical knowledge as well actually just makes the worry a whole lot WORSE- I totally get why lots of people just refuse to go to the doctor: Knowledge can be a Burden with a capital 'B' (as much as it is empowering and liberating too! :)

I also wish I cared less and felt less responsible for the welfare of others- but then again, I AM a Water sign! And maybe that's why I may one day make a kick ass Chinese doc yet!

So anyway recognising this has got to stop I got myself a Chinese patent the other day- what I know as Jia Wei Xiao Yao San but the good folks at BTRT know it by this euphemism which I thought was so to the point it was amusing...


p.s GROUNDING is a really simple and effective tool to combat stress as well...if you can't get to the beach, park, yoga, just connecting with the earth by sitting or lying on the floor can be really helpful. Right now I only sit on a chair when absolutely necessary- instead I have my yoga mat set up 24-7 where I do stretches, have meals on etc....it's surprisngly calming! If you find it hard to sit on the floor for extended periods, I highly recommend getting yourself a Nada chair.

How far down the rabbit hole?

10 hour shift and the reality of this rigid regime is starting to kick in...so I find myself rebelling by playing Chemical Brothers-Surrender at a level which could only be deemed 'inconsiderate' by the neighbours...lucky I've only drongos for neighbours and no kiddies so I'm sure if I can put up with their crap like I do, they can put up with mine!

I'm really starting to ask myself The Hard Questions I find...like, How far are you prepared to go? How much are you willing to sacrifice...

Unfortunately we were all brought up in an environment where mediocrity is not something to be tolerated so if we do something we better do it WELL or else not bother...I guess it's an ego thing as well...or rather we are so used to high standards - that is just the bare minimum....so I find myself looking at "all or nothing"- I don't know if perhaps a new standard needs to be introduced to the Family Standard....Compromise?

But somehow I feel like, I don't want to be the one to let down the side...

Long Range Goal: My Own Business before 35!

So...I donated the whole weekend and this gorgeous sunny perfect beach Sunday to...crashing my first professional seminar! *how exciting*

How ignorant was I! Basically like lawyers, doctors and pharmacists, it only just hit me that I'll be having to do continuing education for the rest of my practising career!!! And if I do end up practising the likelihood is...Bye, Bye Saturdays!

So anyway, although the seminar was...advanced, it was really good just....to refocus...visualise... and remember my long term aspirations. Having so many interests etc, it's easy to often get distracted and allow yourself to get pulled in all different directions scattering your energies.

Furthermore, when the going gets tough(which it often does) or you remember all the things (especially lifestyle) you sacrifice to be a full time student at this age, it's easy to just wanna say "too hard" and go for...easier alternatives.

Anyway I realised within my future career there are several real possibilities for me- all quite different....
1. practitioner
2. health writer
3. medical researcher
4. academia and teaching

and some more novelty possibilities...
*i could go lateral and learn other alternative therapies or even just western herbs and become a eastern/western herbs expert
*I could partially live out my exciting world of 007 fantasy and be an illegal drug buster by working in airport customs etc by helping identify herbs...actually it sounds more exciting than it probably would be on the average day :P

in the end it also depends whether I choose to do one or both modalities and if there is a particular field of medicine I will specialise in and build my reputation on.

So far my passion is still herbs but the money making aspect will require me to love acupuncture too...I also love writing- so I wouldn't mind being a freelance writer for different health publications...

But then I also love breaking new ground with new ideas and new discoveries...so perhaps break-through medical research in herbs?! (but I don't think I'd enjoy writing formal theses or research papers)

Or maybe I'd be better in helping the set up or administration of a herbal research centre or forecasted integrated hospital...LOL so ambitious haven't even graduated and thinking of top dog jobs that don't even exist yet already?!! haha...

Hmmm....so many possibilities- I'm excited! I think I need a goal focused photo to stick on my wall or something to help keep me steadily on track...cos knowing my impulsive nature I could also do a 180 degree turnaround overnight and drop everything if I have some amazing lighthouse moment...

In any case I cannot know the future, the past is irrelevant and all that matters is the present. And for now that means I need to keep kicking myself in the butt to study hard and stay healthy so I can actually do that!