"I wish I were a real boy..."

Since as long as I can remember I've always mixed it with the boys. My first ever friend was a boy...called Donald. He gave me this toy train which is one of my prize possessions...circa 1982-vintage I tell you!
My second ever friend was a boy too...Jonno from playschool. He came and smacked a big kiss on me when the teacher asked him for a kiss. I don't remember much else except that he had big red lips that were forever curled upwards...so all I remember is that he looked like a clown!

My third ever friend was a boy too...called Nicholas. He liked swallowing bits of gravel and I think he liked eating the contents of what he found in his nose which even back then I thought was pretty disgusting...we used to play Voltron and Thundercats and he was the leader out of the pack of boys plus one-me. I can't quite remember which toon we were enacting but I remember we all used to argue over who got to be the black and red one cos they were the leaders, the strongest and the coolest ones. I remember always feeling frustrated that I got denigrated to being the blue or the pink ones cos they were the female characters- I remember once I got my first girlfriend, Kim, what a relief it was to 'pass over' this burden LOL

So those three boys were the foundations of my earliest socialisation...Probably why to this day I still find women much more cryptic to understand and requiring a lot more effort on my part...

For as long as I can remember I've always been a tomboy and I've always wanted to do the fun things boys got to do. Although I really wanted to play the drums at one stage, the only 'boyly' thing I got away with in my youth was a dress boycott and a pink boycott which actually lasted very many years- I remember always standing out at kids parties and even whole suburbs cos I was the only girl not in a pretty frilly dress or stereotypical feminine colours and prints. It was t-shirts, cords and bubblegummers all the way for me :-)! I was a good, obedient kid but that standard dress code was the sole thing I had the nerve to dig my heels in on :) cos all that feminine attire was in my mind "wish-the-ground-would-open-up-and-swallow-me" Embarrassing!

In any case where is this post going? I guess it's a sweet trip down memory lane...

Or maybe it is a commentary on my asian cultural upbringing and how there is an inherent chauvinism in it with its rigid understandings and expectations of the gender roles. When my mate M told me about his recent snow trip how three girls went along and so he felt the need to "look after them", I was like..."um, why do you need to look after them- they're big girls perfectly capable of looking after themselves and each other!"

This attitude reminded me very much of my parents...now that I'm (happily) single again, they're constantly worrying about me-arghhh! I know the only thing that will really put their minds in their old age at ease is to see me with somebody to "look after me"...my mum is very much the traditionalist believing every woman should get married and start a family and hence career is not important and that women who aspire to have careers and be financially independent is perhaps "overly ambitious"... I don't know. More than ever, I feel very much part of the 'independent' womens revolution. And, plus I'm not sure if marriage and babies are suited to everyone...

I don't know how this post came about but possibly because I got to talk to a bunch of My Mates recently after being relatively girlied out of late and remembered how much... a "boyly" girl still appreciates having the company of Mates and being able to join in to do Boy things :-)!

It's kinda trickier the older you get though :P At least now, in contrast to when I was a kid, I finally see the redeeming features of being a female: what I now recognise as the 'superior' gender LOL, but I think I'll always have that inner boy child within :)