Coming Home

It's been an intense day, quite profound actually. I doubt I'll forget today's events even next week, next month, next year...yes it was pretty....right to my core.

In any case tomorrow somewhat out of the blue I am seeing an old friend. Someone who was to me like the warm mug of milo in front of the fireplace on a cold winter's day...but such meetings are always met with some degree of anxiety...time has unpredictable impacts on people...some people you don't see for 10 years and NOTHING has changed about your interpersonal dynamic- you get along as if not a day passed thick as thieves...some people in the space of a few months transition into something altogether unfamiliar...that is kind of uncomfortable but potentially healthier?

It's only been a short time but I literally feel as if we last met many lifetimes ago...today I feel about 100 years old...literally.

Despair

Okay so have to say the raining weather kinda amplifies this but ever since watching the film FLOW...I felt this large scale sense of despair...I mean it SHOULD be a human right that each person has access to water as they do access to breathing...except that rich multinationals have kicked people off their land and control all the water and care not at all that some people are too poor to be able to PAY for water...which was always free before they got kicked off the land their ancestors have owned for generations!!

I don't know I just think money and greed and modernity is making human society lose all sense of decency and common sense...crazy!!!

In any case to be honest as a reasonably privileged person in a privilieged country I had NO IDEA about the crisis state of water commodification and it's impacts on the environment and people. It was very disconcerting to have my eyes opened...

Maybe I'm weird but I feel at this era of my life, while most of my cohort are concerned with careers, spouses, mortgages and babies I am finding my heart strings being pulled for the ENVIRONMENT and protection of the natural world...

Maybe the longstanding not so obvious inner Hippie is starting to consolidate to be an Outer AND Inner through and through Hippie as well...

I just have no idea what can be done or even mor specifically what III could do that would make a difference or be a positive contribution in the right direction...

Empowered ^^

I have to say I'm happier than I've ever been in my life...the reason?

A sense of Empowerment

I have to admit especially being born into a female body and growing up in a pretty chauvinistic dominant culture I've always felt rather oppressed. Factor into that culture, upbringing, men with big egos, ill health and a sense of oppression, helplessness and powerlessness have been major dampeners on life.

How did this post come about? I recently heard of an ex-colleague who'd be pushing her very late 30s...who as soon as she returned to her home country...got married! On viewing the wedding pictures I never saw anything so depressing...two complete strangers standing side by side with absolutely no interaction you would expect from a couple. I felt so sad that she felt so powerless that she felt at her age she had no options left available to her than to settle with some arranged-unknown-so not her type perfect STRANGER.

By the same token I feel sorry for all those impoverished women in asian countries with no education or means that end up with rich old white men because they have no better options.

So in this sense I feel I have options, opportunities, choices, I have ability to exercise free will, FREEDOM for the first time in my life...complete free reign! Boy do I feel happy about that. And RELIEVED. And I do spare a thought for those women in the world who aren't so lucky...

And then there were...three :-p

So I went to check up on my favourite duck family this arvo...

it was terribly disconcerting to see the family of 10 just 2 days ago had diminished to 5(!!)...I saw 2 parents, 3 chicks and 2 chick corpses :-p

What have I learnt? Ducks aren't exactly the best parents...especially the fathers- they just kinda sit off by themselves and the mother can't cope with so many all by herself! Just another case where the animal world reflects human life...don't have too many babies or you can't give them decent quality of care!

I knew I should have just shovelled up all 8 ducklings and stuck them in a safe box until they were big enough to not be kookaburra meat! :-..(

My friend Robe

This is a self portrait he did of himself some years ago which I was lucky enough to receive in the mail today :D

I also really like his parents bedroom in BLUE...People who do Art...sighhhh! Thanks Mate :D

Apparently this is what you call a Nice Butt...

LOL...this is my farmer's Cow parading in a show...took out some kind of champion. I just thought it was hilarious the pictures taken from a farmer's perspective...at no time did any pictures show a FACE or HEAD which is the thing I would be interested in! To be honest I'm not interested in looking at cowbutts!!!

Obviously, I'm not a farmer!

Apart from that here's another funny pic which I spied today...funny, cos you would NEVER see such a *cute!* sign like this in the city...

Magical Walk Around The Block

This is why I love living in nature...I walked around my street - it went something like this...

I walked to the water and spied a daddy and mummy duck and EIGHT ducklings- strangely as soon as I came they were really curious&bold and came right to my feet with one duckling even nibbling my toe! (That's a first, lol)

And then I walked out on the pier and saw a big fish jump right out of the water!

And then lots of pet guard dogs barked at me from behind fences.

And I stopped to pick lavender.

And admire people's nice gardens.

As I was almost home with the refreshing oxygen dense breeze blowing through my head a swoop of peach faced galahs came over me.

It's pretty cool living in nature :)

Next time I should document a walk around the block in pictures!!!

The Waiting Game

Okay so the past year and a bit has been an incredibly challenging exercise in PATIENCE, resilience and thinking-exploring far beyond mental limitations.

I feel like I'm on the verge of something but I'm just waiting for a signal direction from up there.

It's pretty strange when everything you ever knew gets taken from you suddenly and then you have to remould like a piece of plasticene- if you are too wooden you snap and splinter. So yes it has been fun being a Ms Gumby although at times rather lost without that overarching identity I had through my "work"!

My favourite time throughtout all the weirdness has definitely been the wandering gypsy through rural Australia living out of a suitcase. It is amazing how such simplicity and lack brings such happiness...Freedom...I think it's my drug of choice! ^^ ^^ ^^ But maybe in the real world one needs a bit of discipline and structure...and stone pillars of familiarity!

I wonder if I'm staring at it and just needing the prod to enter the intimidating looking tunnel that lies ahead...

To connect with a long lost part of me or to forge something bright and shiny and new? Only Time will Tell...

Sydney: Making peace with "The Big Smoke"

Okay so you've all heard how I detest cities in general particularly the one I'm most familiar with...

But I have to say I'm starting to make peace with it...it's all about perspective...seen 4 really good friends the past fortnight and so the city has become synonymus with lazing at the beach, catching up with good friends and STUFFING FACE with much better food than can be seen the in my not so bumpkin but still bumpkin town ^^. Ouch my belly seriously hurts from STREEETCH...lemme see...did a big organic beef burger and fries, a double gelato, an apple, a grass jelly premium pearl milk tea with taro pearls and plenty of water.

Enjoyed no cost beauty therapy...experiments with exfoliation of "chicken skin" with sand and surf with my b'day twin since we both suffer the problem. It was funny perving on all the beautiful (and not so beautiful bods on the beach-actually more this) LOL, it's okay to be completely open and honest admitting to shallowness and superficiality when you're amongst old good friends that are your serious doppelgangers...it's pretty funny actually cos we agree about everything...it's like all the fun and convenience of a real twin without having someone to cramp your space or steal your look! LOL

Happy Days...now I just need to wait for the next season of foreign visitations!

Why I think Farmers are Cool

One of my dude friends kept calling me the name of his long lost friend...cos apparently she was "obsessed" with farmers too.

I'm NOT "obsessed" :P rather I just appreciate them...they are a group of csociety I respect and admire just with how in touch with the land they are when everyone else is so disconnected and how they can live off the land...and if the world descends into chaos they will still know how to and be able to survive, as would the aborigines before the colonial lifestyle stole and corrupted their traditional ways. I guess these kinds of groups are the ultimate "jack of all trades" in terms of knowledge, ability and skill especially if the world is restored to how it was meant to be...

I guess I really idealise "The Natural World" because I feel the more and more years I see the more and more it is like a long lost fantasy-like dream.

Apart from that I have fallen prey to a BRIBE. Apparently if I want to eat the most delicious Belgian truffles the likes of us Kangaroos get to witness locally I have to pay for it with a kiss! Geez...talk about EXPLOITATION. In any case where bonafide flown in from Belgian fresh chocolate truffles are concerned, I'm cheap and easy ;) But only cos it's Toyboy, who may as well be family....

I really hope that the hungry hoards have left me some by the time I get to go...they can all slurp the Veuve...Champagne is soooo overrated, in my opinion.

Indignant

So I get labelled regularly all the time (especially by MEN) that I am a...commitmentphobe.

This makes me feel indignant :-P

The official verdict from the desk of Zhen is that she IS NOT but it's going to take THE RIGHT ONE...if & however long that may or may not take...Cos seriously...you want me to tie down with THE WRONG ONE? lol no this girl doesn't make the same BIG mistakes twice! Dumb but not THAT dumb...what a relief for a learning capacity, thanks brain ;)

Sydney Fringe: HIGHLY recommended!!!

Hey, I just wanted to do a bit of a plug in the lead up to the Fringe...just cos I was so, so impressed (and HEY I am a very VERY hard person to impress!)

I was in Adelaide at "The Garden of Unearthly Delights" during the Fringe Fest earlier this year (by accident) and I splurged on heaps of tickets for the short time I was there cramming so much in that I was totally laid up after, sick from all the cigarette smoke in air, lack of sleep and late nights!

ANYWAY while there I saw one of the best live performances EVER...maybe I'm biased cos I'm a huge fan of Frida Kahlo and I guess you appreciate it more when you've spent a fair few hours studying FK but Las Dos Fridas by Meiwah Williams is AWESOME...if you are having trouble choosing what to see, I HIGHLY recommend that you check this out...I doubt you'll be disappointed...it is rare to see a one person show with SO. MUCH. DAMN. TALENT!!! lol I have to admit when I saw this performance I was like geez...why can't IIII be super good at SOMETHING when some people are super good at soooo many things! LOL p.s the musical score deserves a big thumbs up too!

Anyway it was really that good & from a local as well! And I think I've been to quite a few of these kinds of things in my time...not to mention have good taste ;) So yeah...Go see it!!!

Hope=

People of Light, Living with the Spirit...Of Truth :) ...especially in this environment!

That is my take...

Does anyone have a better version?

Relief!

A good friend who went AWOL and got distracted by - ironically- Germany, is finally BACK!!!

Thank God...I almost thought I'd lose her permanently to the lure of their high standard, refined, cultured, genuine, intellectual and honesty valuing, nice-to-introverts dominant society for good (!)

Strangely all the stray birds are flying home for a visit...last week M was back from Asia, today my friend from Germany, and in the coming week Toyboy from Africa...yay! It's so nice to have familiar faces and actual FRIENDS back in my actual geography and timezone :)

Psychological Curiosities and Social Experiments

I think...as a very curious girl I have always been drawn to exploring all that is different. So I realised in my time I have mingled with a vast many different types of people perhaps just to understand the broader human condition outside my own microcosm....to the extent that my sister has on more than one occasion reproached me for "why are you always associating with BUMS?" lol!!!

I guess I wanted to distance myself from what I thought was snooty conservatism on the family front.

SO ANYWAY...yesterday after the in depth chat with old girl friend...LIGHTBULB!!!

She was quizzing me on my new geography and my *stellar abilities* to get on with anybody bar very old wrinkly white haired men in this entire country...and then my recessed conscious mind blurted it out in one sentence..."Well I can't find people I respect and admire!"

BINGO....wow. As simple as that. And then it occurred to me that maybe my sister had been on to something since all those years...as I ponder through the list of all the failed associations I have ever gone through....it looks like this...

*people who are high school and uni dropouts * people who come from uneducated families *people who come from disadvantaged areas *people who come from broken &troubled families and grew up with no parenting and hence perhaps no values/ethics instilled from young * people who have been involved with violence crime and drugs (and even had guns held to their head) *people whose parents can't even speak English *people who are monocultured *people who are depressed and have low self esteem

And then it hit me...MAYBE just for once in my life I need to associate with people who have a little bit more OVERLAP in their upbringing/character to me?? And maybe THAT might make it just a little easier to RELATE to other people in this country...

I wonder if there are any stats on this re interpersonal compatibility? Maybe research for another day! Anycase amazingly it is not even 7am and after a horribly wet and cold rainy day God has answered my prayer for a beautiful sunny day for the outdoor event that I'm scheduled to attend! Yay :D!

So may I end this with "Gratitude and Blessings...pass it along!"

♥Zz

CHoP goEs the PoNytail!!!

Awwww.

It's amazing how much can change with a haircut...In terms of age timeline I've been all over the joint the past few years in terms of maturity of haircut but for a good year or so it's been the ponytail just cos I have been so busy and isolated to get them!

In any case today the tail got lost and by default I think I aged at least about 5 years...wow. Now it's more like a mature and sophisticated chic bob....I can't quite say I like it. But the response was starkly obvious. People from higher socioeconomic classes and people that are sycophantic to them eg salespeople treated me better. People from lower socioeconomic classes eg train station attendants treated me much less nicely and were almost dicky seething resentment on purpose!

I have mixed feelings re losing the tail and looking older. I guess for me a part clings to the messy girly ponytail cos it represents youth, innocence(idealism), liberated freedom and free spiritedness, daydreaminess and just a hint of asian cutesyness...the bob represents more...the reserved euro, responsibility especially to behaving more an adult, lol and more groundedness and practical realism. Blergh I never was quite able to merge my two most dominant styles/personalities into a workable simultaneous boho-chic like perhaps a Kate Moss or Stella McCartney might have been able to pull off...

And I am sad that now cowgirl hats do not suit, lol. Anyway I guess that is just testimony to a struggle in integrating all my many layers- that's what you get with complex people! LOL- everyday is a different look, persona lol depending on mood, function, dress sense etc...

But anyway it was really nice to get to have lunch with a good busy career gal friend especially sharing the frustrations over the disadvantages smart successful independent women get heaped with in this country...

And as always, SOOOOOO glad to return to "The Sanctuary"...being too long in the city just makes me shrink a little with it's low&icky vibration...

It's True!!!

It's true!

Since I came into the family all I have noticed is how arrogant, mean, closed-minded and what utter DHs many other people are...particularly atheists! To me atheist is almost synonymous with "only aware of self, therefore selfish". Of course that's a generalisation and not a fact...Thank God! lol

ZHEN WANTS A FARMER?!

lol apparently this is a TV show my friends would tune into. That not being encouragement enough, lucky for me and the TV companies I have so few friends still left in this country :p that it doesn't warrant decent ratings. If I was extroverted and liked attention and didn't care for privacy I probably would go on though...how else do wannabe cowgirl farmgirl city slickers meet all those cool people that FARM and live on FARMS?? :P

I'm just curious though...cos they say your friends and family know you best...and HO this primarily is directed at you...if you were to choose me a farmer which one would you pick?!

I'm still trying to acquire an appropriate countrygirl hat btw ;) - tis proving very hard to obtain now that I am not in rural farm country...hopefully I get it by the time my farmer friend comes to town! I think it will be pretty funny walking through the city with a bonafide farmer and wearing cowboy hats...and didn't I say I hate attention? lol....actually, there is a big difference between blatant subversion and pure attention-seeking. Obviously I love Sydney city and it's Sydney-esque inhabitants too much... :-p

So this is my problem...

there are very few things I can COMMIT to and persist with...furthermore there are very few things that I find COMPELLING enough to INTEREST me!

LOL, does that sound like a spoilt brat? hahaha I guess that is what happens when you have always grown up so mentally stimulated and had a rather interesting existence...full of strange and interesting random encounters...lol

So anyway...YESTERDAY...completely unexpected I spent near 3 hours chatting to a FIFTY-NINE year old. LOL it's great when I do find that rare affinity and resonance but SHEESH is it starting to frustrate me that I can't find a mental connection with anybody in my own geography that isn't wrinkly with white hair LOL...it's like can't there be ANYONE within 10 years of me in reasonable geographical proximity that I want to know and don't find incredibly boring/immature/trivial or dumb?

I'm just wondering when I should start getting the CATS!...LOL But I still need a BOWLO buddy...hmmm maybe I just have to start being a lurking stalker and hang out at one and somehow stealthily infiltrate myself into a game with random strangers...oh something I got told by different people recently...apparently I "brush n blow" people off! LOL seriously, I never noticed...I'm an INTJ- 100% of the time I'm focused on the purpose or event not the social interaction purely to connect with another person for no apparent reason! LOL

On the whole though I am having quite a bit of fun-as usual partaking in things where I am energy scattering all over the place cos I always have so very many interests and always let myself be pulled in so many directions...I feel like a planetary star!

I am REALLY appreciating the warm weather though...suddenly I'm feeling way more energised etc and have really enjoyed stuffing my face silly the past few days with all the good food that can be found in big cities.

On another note I have also been AMAZED at how similar my birthday twin and I are and how similar or at least coincidental our daily lives seem to be...it's like we are two separate entities but living parallel lives sharing the same experiences in the universe...it is quite mindboggling how similar our experiences are down to the timing of events, the NAMES of the people we meet and how we interact with them on a daily basis, our health issues etc etc...seriously sometimes (apart from age) I REALLY feel like my birthday twin is like maybe a small piece of me that fell off and regenerated into a total being many years later...even she says she sees her future in me! What a scary thought...lol

Anyway...found this bag that I was carrying around all yesterday kind of amusing...I mean I don't think I ever saw a a plastic carry bag more appropriate to me! hahahahah ;)

Blessed are the little children...

For they are the ones who see God :D (Okay, some of us child-like adults too maybe hehe...)

Happy Father's Day to the Ultimate Father! ;)

This is what you call..."Garden Fresh!" ;)

Okay so I could have titled the post..."Lessons for the Novice Gardener in Growing Edible Plants" however I prefer the positive spin, lol, especially when it's also true! ^^

So yeah it's not obvious from the pic but the big lesson I learnt in growing carrots which are rated as "easy"...well they HATE HATE fertile soil...too much Nitrogen...eg chicken manure makes the carrots go all twisty and forked and sprouts heaps of tops and not enough root...well I think that's what it was... Carrots like sandy crap well drained soil...and you need to water them deeply once a week for the roots to grow straight rather than have downpours of frequent rain for them to sog themselves in...

So anyway I had way too many seedlings and things growing out of control and not enough space so I had to choose some things to harvest even if they aren't mature...So today I picked/cut the baby carrots, baby radishes, spring onion, garlic tops, some english spinach and some dill...all of these grown organically by the way no sprays no NADA...just lots of sun and fresh air, good conversations and loooove :D

Apart from that I am amused that I am so desperate to bowl but so friendless here my next bowlo opportunities are set with people who have to fly in from remote continents! And before you suggest I try writing an AD for bowlo buddies....been there TRIED that! Zero replies, lol...if I get desperate enough I reckon I'll have to hurl it on a dating site...and borrow a hot studio pic of one of my friends to accompany it...might have better luck, lol...the things I'm willing to do for the things I love to do...lol

Cheap and Easy

LOL...this phrase you tend to hear a lot to describe women...particularly those in these liberated "modern civilizations" in particular big metropolises where there's plenty of glitz, glam and money...and where men from overseas cultures realise so come in droves and start incorporating phrases and accompanying bold attitudes and expectations such as "friends with benefits" or "one nite stand" into their daily vernacular....

Blerghhhhh.

HOWEVER I was just thinking about this phrase "cheap and easy" and it did crack a grin on my face when I thought of how I could be associated with that phrase...

As the warm weather looms and I get that familiar ITCH and CRAVING to go for a "bowl"(lawnbowl)...and I'm desperately on the hunt for a bowlo buddy, it did occur to me that I would be a lot more agreeable and relatively more "easy" than I would usually be without someone indulging me a game! LOL, quite refreshing...especially for poor blokes- no need for CHANEL and expensive bribes here ;)

Sometimes some things really DO require TWO or more to tango...damn, there is that chink of vulnerability in my armour...I'm a pretty desperado chick where getting to lawnbowl/any game is concerned...I admit!!!! JUST GIVE ME A DAMN GAME then I am like a lazy kitten in your lap with fewer sharp teeth and sharp claws...LOL But before you think Game,Set,Match on "easy" don't forget that barb in the scorpian's tail and that tangoing with a scorpian is not for the fainthearted...before you know it you could be crying merely on the scoreline and the dent in your ego alone ;) LOL (It has seen men off to the club to weekly practice for impending rematches anyway...LOL)

Yes you can laugh, but it's TRUE. I ♥♥♥ Lawnbowls...Now if only I could get to play...

Western Medicine is failing us and bugs are getting the better of us :P

Just my thought as it seems almost all the cityslickers I know (who have never been sickly people) seem to be getting ill with that this and the other...

I had a good friend who I haven't literally spoken to in over a YEAR actually call me after sending text messages (the like of which I had never seen from her before) ending in...Help!

Yes it seems that the superbugs are getting the better of us as we step further and further away from our natural selves and the way man was supposed to interact with his environment and each other causing a whole scourge-epidemic of health and other problems never before seen at these kinds of levels...while man disrespects the planet and even his own body like he does the world will continue to spiral in a downward fashion...

Disclaimer...western medicine is commendable on certain aspects eg surgery/emergency medical intervention and equipment mediated diagnosis, medical science gene/cell based therapies, however on the whole they are totally helpless to be able to treat a wide range of health problems seeing as their salve seems to revolve around that zillion dollar pharmaceutical industry which while it may alleviate that pain over there it will create a new pain and disease process somewhere else! And while they fail to recognise the body is a HOLISTIC interactional dynamic of a living thing their medicine will closely resemble a dummy covered in bandaid plasters!

So yeah on the whole isolated and remote country bumpkins should feel pretty damn blessed to enjoy relatively better health cos of their healthy living environs and healthier lifestyle practices! cheers bumpkins! :D