My bus ride in the city was absolutely chockers packed in like sardines bathed in a sea of non stop activity of wireless devices so that I could feel myself burning up. As it crawled along I was so uncomfortable I got off as distant as time could afford and walked the remaining four stops to my destination. Not to be outdone, my bus ride from that destination: as soon as I sat down a pile of pink projectile puke was emitted from a child's cough and thank goodness for my nervy reflexes that I managed to whisk my feet to the side just in the time...the loud bang alerted the driver to the fact a kid had just vomited on the bus (to their credit, the mother and friend did a great job of cleaning up after the mess)...In any case with nothing around but peak gridlock there was nothing to be done but be bathed in projectile pink vomit germs for the next 15 minutes...
On the next bus I found myself thinking "God, why must people ALWAYS sit next to me, even when there are SPARE seats to be found?" I kind of felt a sense of dejavu...like how every single tradesperson etc seems to need to GO in MY bathroom...I'm starting to think it's cos I must give a sense of being clean and hygenic and not offputting enough...maybe I need to get some tatts, a bad smell and a scary face full of piercings? Just once I'd love to be able to go for an empty corner of ANYWHERE and not have ANYBODY have to want to share that space...uninvited.
At the train station I found myself really needing to pee...there was nothing to be done I had to go...as I lined up in yet another ridiculous sized queue I had a bad feeling...it was fulfilled...at the front of the queue a door opened-the toilet I was supposed to go to since I was next...the oversized lady came out with a shamed look on her face...this can't be good I remember thinking to myself...but I had to go as it was my turn in the queue... As soon as I entered the cubicle a putrid smell met me...and the cover of the seat had been turned to hide what lay inside...I flushed the toilet as a preventative measure...to no avail...a big stinking fresh POO stuck to the side greeted me on opening sesame-arghhh!!!...I glanced outside watching the next girl in the queue go to another much cleaner (I suspected) cubicle...another glance at the long queue and I was just like Steel your nerves and just go...so I did but spent extra long washing my hands with a heck of a lot of soap and warm water.
What did I conclude by the end of the time in the city? THE CITY is a bloody disgusting HEALTH HAZARD! No wonder I got soooo sick.
In any case I was SOOOOOO FILLED WITH GRATITUDE when I saw my usual bus in my nice clean FRESH smelling town, and the cheery hot regular bus driver, the spick and span shining gleaming bus with ample seats and with no offensive odours...
I love being a country bumpkin. I'll say it again...I can never. ever ever EVER. live in a big city AGAIN. ...ick!
...ick! ...ick!
THE END(...lots of LAUNDRY to do tomorrow!)
4 comments:
Funniest story ever thank goodness you survived!!
whoa. I think maybe you SHOULD leave your posts vague and obscure.
I love the people wanting to sit next to you bit. That cracks me up every time. You can give tattoos a try, but I doubt it'll help. Good luck ^^
M...I wrote that post just for you...cos I could already see you cracking up since I'd be telling you if you were here!
HO...the vomit was HOT PINK...I know you like all things pink :)...it was cos they fed the kid too many lollies i found out later...the good part is lolly vomit doesn't smell anywhere as bad as the beer vomit and piss in the city streets you get from all the drunks from the pubs. Salt Lake must seem like a paradise compared to here!!!
well sans details I could only imagine you were complaining about downtown Salt Lake city life - and I'm thinking GOL this girl complains a LOT ^^ =P
and while I like most things pink, I'm not sure about ..... ick
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