Okay I'm in one of those really "self jeopardising can't be stuffed moods". I'm being reckless and irresponsibly rebellious. I've taken the liberty of taking the rest of the day off COS I'M JUST SO TIRED! It's basically 3 strikes and you're out so this far into semester I'm allowing myself one strike (feel the "break" will help me regain some balance and replenish the empty reserve).
I've been feeling very unmotivated... so when I sat down to watch Grey's yesterday - tv watching is such a foreign event my set is not even plugged in- it occurred to me when I'm at home, I never allow myself time to just fully relax- veg and just enjoy life's simple pleasures...so now I'm just throwing all caution to the wind- my timing sux I know. Basically, I've hit a brick wall- I'm just so tired- hence no motivation- apathy- can't be stuffed! I don't feel frustrated like I want to box a punching bag, rather I just feel like I need a tension release, to feel free...ie I just want to go for a nice long run on a large desolate rural property or a deserted beach or something...not possible right now...GRRRrrrrr.
At times like these I really need something to reenergise and quick!
Unfortunately the only full-proof solution is GETTING OUT OF THIS DAMN CITY! But there is no scope...and definitely no time within rigid schedule... I did try the escapist thing by going to the cinema but...soooo didn't work!
In any case what is worse to compound this "blah mood", is the fact that the best friend I have made this year who frequents my daily life is leeeeeaving! And it's really hard to have this kind of daily grind without a really good friend by your side to endure every step of the protracted suffering with!
*sighhhhhh* this friend leaving thing...STORY OF MY LIFE! The Chinese say you are born with different kind of luck- I have to say in terms of friends I'm totally jinxed since birth- all my closest friends have always picked up and moved- I'm not sure, perhaps I am just naturally attracted to Happy Wanderers? In any case, it is very disconcerting and destabilizing, cos I think for me my close relationships are my "roots"-they give me the framework for who I am, a sense of groundedness, stability etc...I'm really starting to wonder-is it worth it for me to even bother making effort to get to know new people since they all typically Leave as soon as I feel comfortable and close!
okay end of whingey rant- maybe after a nice long sleep, an intensive music listening session and a nice long yoga session in lieu of being a responsible student, I can get on with the job :P
THE GO-BETWEENS/The Clarke Sisters(Live)
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OH. MY. GOD. WHERE...HAVE I BEEEEEEEEEEEEEN??!! Somehow in the last few
years a whole heap of The Go-Betweens stuff has finally emerged on Youtube.
Fanta...
11 years ago
3 comments:
We all go through these moods...tomorrow is another day...it's OK to just do nothing every once in awhile!
Unlike Caroline, I feel that it is alright to do nothing ALL THE TIME. But how to do nothing and not feel guilty? I dunno that one.
You are suffering from total BURNOUT. It feels like life has no shine to it anymore and there's no light at the end of the tunnel.
Been there more than not.
Glad to see you at my blog. It's been a LONG LONG time.
I hear ya. Listen to your mind and body and give yourself a break and don't feel bad about it. I don't get sick often so when I worked, I would take mental break days. Well, I'd say I was sick, obviously.
As far as not making friends, don't do that. Life is in motion, things/people come and go. You need to find something else to ground you - something internal b/c that'll always stay with you.
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