My Three Key words

The Year started off with it being "BALANCE" - I feel I've done reasonably okay with incorporating more possible balance into my life within the strict confines of my student lifestyle, (almost slacking off and doing whatever I feel like that is enjoyable to a fault!)

The other word that has been a big one for me has been FREEDOM. Especially in terms of being able to exercise personal autonomy and not being so shackled to responsibilities to other people. I've definitely learnt about the right to uphold some boundaries.

And finally the one that is most tantalizing at the moment which I am still struggling to find in higher dosage is EQUALITY. I'm still thinking about just what this means to me exactly but all I know is that I'm happiest with as much as possible!!!

News Round Up

So, just unwinding from the intensity of study...was reading the paper...and so many stories today just seemed to be deja vu...

PLANES AND GAMES
1. 2 planes collided taxiing on the runway at one of our local airports...LOL strongly reminiscent of me recently playing the latest IPHONE game obsession "Flight Control"...lol I seriously don't get the obsession...maybe cos I suck at it?? However, it did give me a major craving to play computer games again...my favourite ones are always simulation games like THE SIMS ;) In another weird revelation, one of my cheapest thrills that brings me great joy is to play a virtual version of my real life but in the Sims...I recreate my life in the virtual realm down to the correct personalities and star signs for all the people I know!!! So fun :) For quick gaming pleasure I also like the mental exercise provided by Set Games. And in terms of board games...can't go past good ol Scrabble and Balderdash (this game is awesome played in a whole group full of B.S artists like me ;) hehe probably why I'm a pretty sly poker player too ;)

HOLIDAYS GONE WRONG
2. A cruise ship has had 3 crew confirmed struck down with Swine Flu. Not only that but the ship had to divert for an emergency stop cos a child seriously injured their arm. That just reminded me of when I got very badly injured in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef. It was not fun. I had to endure an excruciating 2 hour *bumpy* ride while the ship diverted to the nearest Helicopter Pad so I could get to medical care on the mainland...and even then it was not appropriate...bone level surgery with only a topical anaesthetic- I swear I screamed as much as a pregnant woman would in drug free labour under duress. If you're going to get severely injured being stuck in the middle of the ocean is definitely not a comforting thought...Yeah, if you have any Holiday from Hell stories, please share...

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES
3. A student woke up worried over financial troubles in the family had a brain wave to check her old lottery tickets two months before the expiry date...turns out she won a cool $13 mil. Hmmm...if only ALL embattled struggling students could wish their financial strains away to manifest so magnificently! LOL

GUNS AND THE CHALLENGE OF PARENTING
4. A 3 year old girl in California accidentally shot her brother dead after finding a loaded gun under her parents' bed. This just illustrates why I am so averse for civilians to keep guns in their house...not only that, but recalls a recent conversation I had where I was arguing with a guy that parenting is not that "simple" and how you need to constantly watch them so they don't get up to strife...and hurt themselves...this is exactly the kind of incident I was referring to...that, or the kid ends up drowning in the backyard pool, or ends up tipping boiling hot water on themselves by pulling on pot handles poking out...so many injuries to kids are preventable if parents practised a higher level of care factor/paranoia...lol needless to say my every move was watched like a hawk so I never came into any preventable misfortune growing up!

New Taste Sensation?

Just a thought that struck me randomly this morning...

Peanut Butter and Grilled Bacon = YUM???!!!

Somehow I think this could be an undiscovered taste sensation...and my next food fad phase if I ever get over this current purple taro cake swiss roll with coconut cream sago...Mmmm!

***Whaddya reckon....Grilled Bacon and Peanut Butter on toast- is this an undiscovered taste sensation waiting to be the next "tres cool" breakfast eating?

The other random thought I was interested to know this morning was:

***What are some amusing things people have said about you?...

Some of my closest peeps that have lived with me have all agreed on:

"For a small girl...you sure take up a LOT of SPACE!" ;)

!!!P.S Remember a while ago some of us bloggers were playing the "weird thing about you" game but I was a spoilsport and didn't play when tagged? Well there is a small tidbit if you're still curious, that I've left in the comments here. So yeah, you can't say I don't deliver on my promises...even if I do like to take my own sweet time about it ;p

A Dream.

"I had another flying dream which was a nice escape. i was slung onto a helicopter in a slingchair riding the open sky my left hand was holding a large black umbrella mary poppins style and i was flying over a sound. the water was deep blue and there were little icebergs glittering from the sun like diamonds. ahhhh...if only i could live in my dreams!"

Some fun places on the internet.

I've been working like a MACHINE so spare me this idle distraction...

This Sample Four Pillars of Destiny report was absolutely HILARIOUS!
The part that made me crack up cos I think it's a load of b.s is "you are a hyper sexy person."
The part I thought was totally spot on was "you are chatty and talkative and speak without reservation - this causes misunderstandings with sensitive people or people who don't know you well".

I thought it was about 70% accurate...perhaps the other 30% is true, but yet to be discovered..LOL

Another place I visited this week which I think is super cool is this Chakra self test- basically you can determine which imbalances you currently have and then you can do these exercises to redress the balance...

Or, if you're lazy like me, you can just cheat and use aromatherapy essential oils...

Here's a few recommended oils to balance chakras summarised below :)

Base - myrrh, patchouli, vetiver
Sacral - clary sage, fennel, sandalwood
Solar Plexus - cedarwood, coriander, black pepper, hyssop, marjoram
Heart - bergamot, lavender, melissa, ylang ylang
Throat - basil, cypress, peppermint, rosewood
Third Eye-rosemary, juniper, lemon
Crown -frankincense, rose

Don't Drag me Into your Hole.

Haha! I looooooved this.

Good on him I say...from someone who has a track record of being susceptible to troubled people, with major difficulties in being able to "take a stand".

I too am sick of being manipulated, and taken advantage of by depressed and suicidal people.

On a few occasions now I have been so drawn in, so worried that if I didn't step up and "Save them" they would finally get the courage to pull the plug...and how could I then live with myself?

WELL. Now I am much wiser...I have noticed, Depressed people ARE Selfish, they can't help it cos they're stuck in a little personal microcosm of hell they can't see past. But it's our choice as to whether we let ourselves be drawn into the drama and allow ourselves to fall prey to emotionally blackmail.

We can be a good friend, an open ear, a pole to lean on, a second opinon, a free reservoir...but often the line gets blurry and there comes a point where one has to draw a big black one to preserve our own sanity and right to happiness and peace. (Usually this is when you start to notice that your whole life has been consumed by theirs...)

At the end of the day, if another adult decides to pull the plug on their own life, it is not something they are allowed to shirk reponsibility for and slap onto someone else. Neither should we be so deluded to think that we are responsible for another adult's life and that it is our duty as mere mortals to "rescue people" intent on taking their own life.

On a daily life update...it's cold, all I seem to think about is food, and my stomach is a bit like a bottomless pit. The next 2-3 weeks for me are full on, so on the proviso that I'm keeping my discipline with study, I'll be a bit....scant and inattentive online...apologies in advance. Thanks for the messages though!

Cheers :)

A Difficult Case of "High Maintenance"

I was "unwinding" the week over a drink with company, and suddenly it struck me...I was bored. Not just bored bored but BOOOOORED. I'd heard it all before. I already knew every detail, in detail.

And then it occurred to me that I'm such a pain in the arse: totally high maintenance. So difficult to keep interested. Always in need of constant brain candy... interesting, varied, conversation/mental stimulation.

The problem with people relations is that, inevitably, after you've known someone for some time, the content/dynamic starts to get a little...static. I don't find I have this problem in any other situation. For example I can go on a nature walk or sit on the same beach and never get bored. Or I can watch films or listen to music or indulge in reading some new learning material.

On a nature walk I can sit observing ants at a nest going about their business for quite a while or examine the different variations in the barks and leaves of different trees. On the beach I can watch the everchanging waves, the people going about their various activities, the little marine life that abounds in rockpools, the changing colours of the sky or be intrigued by the new patterns blown in the sand.

But with people...I tend to get Bored with a capital "B". Maybe this is just the case for all major introverts? I'm not yet sure whether this is a resolvable problem. I guess for a while now, the wonderful array of "interesting characters" on the internet and their blogs have been fulfilling this need somewhat...

I think once you get older and your social circle shrinks dramatically in depth and breadth...it's a bit of a problem to be this way. I guess this "issue" accounts for why I am always most drawn to creative, atypical, multi-layered, multi-faceted people...the types of people who given minimal tools and equipment can always create and invent something...wonderfully new and refreshing.

Sometimes I get tired of invariably always bearing the burden of having to generate. Maybe I just need to find more wacky, abnormal people in my real life...people who can help share the load...

The Hermit: A day in the life

You know when sometimes you just don't feel like being sociable and the last thing you want to see is another person or have to talk to them?? Today was especially one of those days.

I just let the phone ring and ring several times...off the hook. And I didn't feel guilty about it! (but now I do...cos I think my mates were a bit irritated. Mind you, they do it to ALL the time, I am just usually more thoughtful and considerate than I felt like being today...

On the upside, in my day of happy solitude, I managed to take a long overdue hot epsom salt soak in the bath...exactly what my muscles needed...inadvertently killed my muscles cos of this "power yoga" crap since my usual yoga teacher went on holidays...NOT FUN.

It was pretty funny though listening to the guy next to me straining so audibly- I have to admit I got worried when I saw his physical condition sweating so much that it dripped out his hair and he was totally strawberry red in the face-it did cross my mind to worry that he might just cark it right there and then and it did inspire me to try and recall some basic CPR...

I really commend the guy for bravery and effort but really, who cares about "face"- you really shouldn't overdo yourself- you can cause more harm than good! This incident really brought home why they make you get a doctor to supply you with a letter of fitness and also make you sign a waiver in case you cark it so they don't get sued later...

When I felt stretched way beyond my capacity I just crumpled on the ground and watched on while everyone else made effort: I have no shame...

And now back to the books- if I deserve one award for anything, it definitely should be for WORLD CLASS PROCRASTINATOR.

Wax On, Wax Off...

I spent 2 hours walking around in circles yesterday...and another three recovering from the sheer exhaustion it left me with!

You could say the monotony of the physical part of it felt like some kind of Oriental Deportment Class - "Natural" Tai Chi Karate Kid style with a Master...Very Very interesting based on the premise that you use your mind to manipulate the qi which in turn moves the blood...definitely not easy to do compared to the reverse I am used to e.g yoga where you can move the qi physically by way of exercises and breathing.

Got my brain ticking for sure but one of the more interesting sentiments the session left me with...

"if you are always working in a direction opposite to that which you truly desire, are you not in fact causing suffering?"

Do you love yourself?

So this is my favourite question lately doing the rounds.

My honest answer is...a resounding...Yes! :)

LOL some people might interpret this as narcissism, self-obsession and egotism.

But if they truly believe that love for yourself equates to that mentioned above, they're truly unenlightened...

And I feel sorry for them because in not being able to understand, it is very likely they don't love themselves.

The reason why I really love this question lately is because I feel it is a great indicator of one's emotional health and unfortunately, in all the people I encounter I can honestly say very, very few people can actually answer...Yes!

Mostly people can at best manage a..."sometimes" which is dependent on mood- when they feel happy or confident they can love themselves...ie they only love themselves conditionally.

If you truly love yourself, it is unconditional and solid as rock...and I believe being able to love yourself first is the foundation of real happiness and inner peace. Once you truly believe that you are worthy of, deserving and capable of achieving all you aspire to and dream of, that is truly a very powerful feeling...

I say all this because I think with all the troubled souls I encounter, see and counsel and with so much turbulence and challenge under my belt I feel I am in some way "qualified". I definitely went into the washing machine like everybody else, a piece of dirty laundry - however unlike most people of my vintage I got spun for several cycles at 1600rpm and now I feel I've finally emerged not just wrung out and cleansed but I've had time to hang on the line in quiet contemplation to observe, dry, regain my shape...and I now feel free, liberated and brand spanking new...

Life has never been BETTER :-D

*sigh*

It's 4am and I've just finished my damn paper...*wow* i get a whole 4 hours of sleep for the 3rd night in a row...wonder if there's any point since I doubt I can get up anyway! Complain, complain, complain...Cranky...GOODNIGHT!

:-p

Life's Big Questions: Am I a Banana or an Egg?

I'm definitely some kind of yellow varietal outside but am I white or yellow inside? I think my values and interests are more "western" but I understand or better understand Asians and I've noticed they tend to be drawn to me as a bit of "comfort" perhaps cos I am the kind of fencesitter that can actually bridge the cultural gap somewhat...

Growing up my first 15 years were very anglo - the last 15 or so I'd say was opposite, especially in terms of friends.

I don't know why I always feel the need to fit into a box on this issue since my life is testimony to the fact that I don't ever fit in any kind of "box" well anyway!

Anyway that was just my random thought too early this morning. I feel half crazy cos I'm so tired...I think cumulatively I've had 8 hours sleep the past 2 days and have really been stretched in terms of physical/mental energy demands. So I feel kinda trashed but my blog is a good "unwind" while I wait for my beans to steam...literally haha :) and then I'm going to take a much needed nap before I get stuck into the books...all these crazy sleeping hours- can't be very healthy! :p

What a pick up ;)

I had a really strange day...in short perhaps it could be described as a pretty successful day of social networking making random contacts...haha I think today was a bit of a kind of milestone in my social development...I totally "picked up"!! actually it's not all that hard...as long as "in the mood"...and besides I think it's an essential skill to have in order to run a successful business enterprise so I better start loving it!!! Wonder if I should sell my soul and join facebook, linkedin, twitter etc to grow my business...hopefully I won't need to...was going to fly out over the mid year break and take a holiday but now thinking I need to stay back to set up business from home...

anyhow more exhaustion, more cramming, more deadlines, hence very uninspired writing here- apologies.

Sinking to all new lows...

I'm too tired to stress...I'll deal with it...tomorrow.

And I'm pretty sure after a 12 hour stint I'll be too exhausted to deal with it tomorrow as well.

So for the moment I'll just document my latest "cheat cooking" which has become a favourite game-challenge with myself. This latest episode is called "The Malaysian does "laksa" in 30 minutes...

This one turned out pretty tasty- and was inspired by feeling so weak (so thinking I could use some coconut(a qi tonic) in me...

Ingredients as follows:
in oil fry off half an onion or more chopped with a smashed clove of garlic or more(I take the garlic pieces out after infusing the oil) add 2-3 heaped tablespoons of Malaysian curry powder Ayam brand, 1 big squeeze of lemon grass from a tube in the fridge and a chopped tomato and a little water.
Then I add,
2 or more organic chicken drumsticks
750ml or more of liquid chicken or vegetable stock
some veggies: I used chopped french green beans, okra, carrot, zucchini.
Tofu puffs
Simmer with some chopped fresh coriander
Add small tin of coconut cream and briefly simmer.

Pour on some thin rice vermicelli...voila, now there's a tasty meal :D

p.s Shan...if you haven't discovered fried tofu puffs they're delicious! (asian store...) also fresh mung bean sprouts over the curry broth are really nice too. This laksa would work well meat free, maybe to be more filling you could put chopped potato.

It's a full moon tonight...

No wonder I feel like I'm going to turn into a WEREWOLF! Grrrrrr!!!

Hehe, in my collection of strange and unusual characters one hails from Transylvania and even looks like he belongs as an extra on BUFFY! Yeah, hilarious- I'm endlessly amused...Cheap Thrills ;)

Lessons for the naive: an 'epiphany' moment

I feel really naive. A young girlfriend said something very matter of factly to me which was a bit of an 'epiphany' moment...

"Don't just think when a guy asks you to dinner it's cos he's hungry."

WHAT?!!

LOL Suddenly I thought back through all the times my love of food and one on one company may have been misinterpreted....how embarrassing! She then proceeded to educate me on normal and appropriate gender boundaries and expectations...oops. I guess like one acquaintance once told me which blew my mind at the time..."I don't look at someone and see a man or woman...first and foremost when I look what I see is a person". I guess I'm a little like that- I think everyone is too sex obsessed and that it's pathological. I'M the normal one :) People my age here seem to think not being sex obsessed is 'asexual' so I use that term and now when I say it my friend always laughs and says "everytime you say that I think you're a fish!" Cool I'd be happy with that ;)

*Hmph. There seems to be no place for straight forward people in this world - who actually MEAN what they say :p Let me assure you, if I ever ask you to dinner, it's cos I actually AM hungry! lol

In other news I'm kinda "up shit creek" cos I left everything to the last minute - have so much due this week, worth ALOT and not yet started! But honestly I was so burnt out- yesterday was great took the whole day off doing NADA at the beach - was an absolutely awesome way to 'waste' a day and the weather was...perfect! :-D

Walking the Wire: The Delicate Art of...Balance!

It struck me possibly around 330am in the morning that these studies are of such an unyielding gruelling nature that I'm constantly operating at such a high level of intensity that besides the fact I literally don't know how to chill out anymore, that I'm always teetering precariously over those flames that lie below....a little to one side and suddenly before I know it I've toppled over and am bathing in flames....Burnt out!!!

Luckily though, with a bit of carefulness, reincarnation is an option and like those blinking multi-life characters in computer games I get to reappear back on the screen just to jump back on that wire...to do it all over again! :p

Bless this dear blog...how could I endure this odyssey without it? I look very much forward to the day I can be blog free...cos it'll mean my life is no longer stressy and there is actual leeway for *fun factor* in my real life!

It's 1:23am and...

I'm BORED OUT OF MY BRAIN! (this very rarely happens). I'm waiting for my hair to dry.

Had a great yoga session tonight (first I've managed in 3 weeks but apart from that...blergh....the daily grind is just getting too mundane....cramming, cramming, cramming. I think it only struck me how sucky my current routine existence is after I managed to see REAL LIVE friends(by accident) and realised it is actually fun having these :p...and when a friend pointed out that basically our existence revolves around 1)study and 2)making sure we don't fail. That reductionist view of our lives has festered into discontent...and if I wasn't so overcommitted time wise I would be so tempted to just select some random date in some random drop down menu and just take some random trip...somewhere. I think I can be a bit of a demanding excitement junkie when my life is not packed to the rafters...Need so much mental stimulation...

I also found out that this year's breaks are my last "holiday" periods before I enter the working world, which for our field means no real holidays again...hmmm, so tempted to actually take a proper trip....hmmm maybe I'm just feeling envy that the folks are in the other hemisphere, with my sister just returned and my other sister due to go in October. That just leaves me the sole non-jetsetter in our family :( oh well at least there are less than 12 hours before I get to see my mate D from Japan and we're going to stuff our faces over yum cha...so that will be at least some "event" in my mundane existence...

Guilty Pleasures...

1. Sleeping IN. Lying in Bed....(when I should be in class :-o! )
2. Eating whatever I want...that means Chocolate! (for now)
3. (Day) Dreaming so that things end up burning and stops get missed...oops
4. Precious time frivolously spent on the internet when I should & could be studying.
5. Playing music at full blast with little concern as to whether my neighbours actually appreciate the sound or not.
6. The little leap of joy I feel inside when my ball manages to hit the cage car driving around collecting all the balls at the driving range :o)

What are yours?

Geez, even Online shopping is exhausting! :p

Who would have thought?? Maybe I just HATE shopping...period.

Oh well, easy solution: Just get filthy rich!!! ;)

At that point, "Shopping" ceases to exist...and it's "Welcome to the land of Purchasing whenever whatever wherever on a whim!"

Shan, that alliteration was for you :)

Empathic Energy Transfers

It seems this week a lot of people around me had some big issues to deal with...employment problems, family problems, health problems...so I ended up "listening" quite a bit this week! So maybe in combination: that time of the month, being drained by excessive needling and all that listening...sheesh! I was very very exhausted by afternoon!

So I didn't feel so crash hot, I had a huge "deficiency" headache my eyes were as sore as sandpaper and I had absolutely no energy left to cook...spent 3 hours lying on the couch before I could peel myself off to go out...I ended up bugging my one friend that lives nearby for dinner.

After I had some fuel in me I felt a whole lot better and he decided to accompany me grocery shopping (Friday night LOL no better night to do groceries if you want to avoid long queues and crowds!)

Before too long he was totally drooping and barely had enough energy to push the trolley let alone accompany me through every aisle. The guy was totally fatigued. Not only that he said his eyes were so sore and he had a headache...as soon as he mentioned this...I immediately knew what had happened...he had taken on my ailments while I had steadily gained some "bounce" back! And he complained it NEVER EVER HAPPENS except with me! And it was then that we had a revelation...an Empathic Energy Transfer!

And the beauty of it is that this friend has Asperger's. Which means that he has difficulty relating to others and understanding things like feelings and emotions...so it was kinda "cool"that he got like that cos we realised he must have a connection with me and so is actually able to Experience Empathy! Lol poor guy, he actually ended up having to catch a bus home...just up the street, he was that energy sapped...meanwhile I had obviously stolen some of his energy and managed to lug a huge amount of groceries home with some energy to spare!!!