My Bubble of Idealism has BURST : (

I had the stupid nerve to venture out of my 1.5km bubble again. It was yet more horrible continuation of bad eggplant day of yesterday...I don't want to go into the details.

But basically it's all about the city-city-a horrible place to live- I know I should use positive affirmation to delude myself but compared to my old town it's...horrible. All the asssociated degradation I have to endure that comes with citylife just keeps popping my idealistic bubble.

So predictably enough...I ended up in a music store...AGAIN. And wreaked a further 5 cds worth of damage. At least they were playing THE CURE greatest hits the whole time I was in there, so the visit was somewhat therapeutic.

Later, waiting for the bus it started raining very heavily. Ahhhh such relief. People stared at the crazy girl with no common sense...but to me that was an invitation from the universe to cleanse me of city grime...so I indulged big fat raindrops pelting my face...that's the closest to nature I can get in this disgusting concrete jungle. Felt more grounded after connecting with my inner hippie like that.

In any case when your soul is feeling heavy the best happy tonic is the joyful music of one of my music idols- Youssou N'Dour from Senegal. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND his album Coono du reer (Nothing's in Vain) even if you don't think you like world music. It is complete *joy* through music from a total God- well he definitely has a presence and an amazing vibe...

so you blast it really loud, and your uncultured blinkered citydwellers exclaim "what the hell is that?!" LOL.

Happy Times :)

p.s I justified the crazy ELEVEN cd purchase in one weekend with the fact that I'm just gonna hole up from now on- unless I can TRULY escape the city I'm not gonna venture out of my 1.5km bubble- the less degradation I have to witness the better I'll feel...ignorance is bliss!

A Favourite Movie: JUNO

I've been wanting to see Juno for aaaages...Highly anticipated, I'm glad to say it didn't disappoint^^....t'was an *instant favourite* with me- LOOOOOVE!!! Halfway through I was already thinking "damn I wish I had time to watch it Again straight away!"

I think I liked it so much cos I can really relate to the protagonist, and when I was sixteen I was SERIOUSLY just like Juno...

My favourite parts of the movie was the revelation where she affirms that jocks always secretly like the weirdo girls...*LOL I was cracking up thinking of you straightaway, S!

And then the bit where she says she doesn't do proms cos 'proms are only for squares or nerds' and she's neither...yah me too :)

I also like this part of the movie:

Juno: Hey Dad!
Dad: Hey Big Puffy Version of Junebug, where you been?
Juno: Just out...dealing with things waaaaay beyond my maturity level.(*LOL that line SO reminded me of me at sixteen!)


I also really liked her hamburger phone- I've so always wanted a novelty corded phone but unfortunately I couldn't find one when I did try and look earlier this year-even normal corded phones are pretty non-existent these days :P

The other favourite segment was the bit where Juno says to her dad

"I'm just like, losing faith with humanity" (yeah ME TOO! especially in the city!)

And then Juno's romantic idealism(like me!) comes out too...

"I just need to know that it's possible that two people can stay together forever".

Liked her dad's 5 cents:

"Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are...good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you...the right person's still gonna think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with!"

AGREE :)

Ellen Page is such a kick-ass actress! I really liked her performance in this film, and was equally impressed by her performance in Hard Candy. She's definitely destined for greatness- an actress to watch out for!

The Trouble with Daydreaming...

It was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS :p

I call them "bad eggplant days" after those old-school computer games where you bump into a badluck charm and you then have this "bad eggplant" icon stuck to your little man for a period and everything goes wrong ie your little animated character bumps into rocks, falls over etc etc...
In any case, this post could equally accurately be called "when your thoughts come back to you-part two"...

So. Since being in the city, I've been plagued by blurry vision- with the mini reprieve I got I thought it'd be best to use that time to go check it out with a western doc...he suspects it is PURELY to do with the fact that my eyes aren't coping with the city pollution...so anyway he told me to first investigate my glasses prescription with the optometrist...

I was on my way to that vicinity(heart of the city) - on the crawling bus observing all the degradation of citylife and city people with wonderfully melancholic Sarah McLachlan in my ears for soundtrack, I was lost in deep thought...how much I HATE the city, surprise at how much being in a natural environment means to me and how much I really, really want to go back to my regional seaside town if it weren't for my conflicting interest of aquiring my professional qualifications...so I was losing myself in escapist imagination: big sky, clean air and wide open space...

So anyway, the city BIT BACK!

When I glanced up I realised shit I'm here already! (not too familiar with the exact location of the shop in the city) Talk about BAD TIMING. Right at the moment I wanted to get off the doors shut and a ticket inspector got on. Basically it was REALLY BAD TIMING- my haste to get off made it look as though I had seen the inspectors and wanted to get off implicating me as guilty straight away...so yada yada didn't get a fine, but I got a warning and all my details taken for not getting off at the stop prior...in any case I was in too passive tired defeatist mode to waste my breath clarifying my case- I let the guy get his power trip, accuse me of "being naughty" and use me as a scape goat to 'get his quota for his black book'...although it was kinda embarrassing as it happened in front of a whole audience, because I was not intentionally trying to rip the state government off of their 40c-I didn't go bright red as a beet because I had a completely clear conscience... but now I'm totally blacklisted with the authorities I better curb my daydreaming somewhat or next time it's gonna be a very expensive indulgence!

so anyhow when I finally got to the damn shop it was shut! MAN. I consoled myself by visiting my favourite music store and then another...and there I went nuts- LOl it is so dangerous to let me near a music store EVER let alone when I'm needing to "de-stress" or "console myself"!

I instantly switched to all absorbed mode eyes intensely scanning row by row shelf by shelf the entire music store for things that I might like that were on sale...

I ended up with...SIX new aquisitions...with money yet to be earnt (!!) *big smack for me!*

In case you were wondering...

>LAMB best kept secrets 1996-2004

>MORRISSEY suedehead

>ARCADE FIRE neon bible

>MUSE absolution

>SINEAD O'CONNOR so far...the best of

>ANDREW BIRD armchair apocrypha

*sigh*

Lacking restraint with the retail therapy since I haven't been out of my 1.5km bubble for so long, I went into a department store, got totally harangued by aggressive salespeople trying to sell me fragrance and beauty products and I didn't know how to get out of it...what a time sucker!:P But I found a great pair of heels (weakness for shoes!) great with jeans (we learnt in massage that heels can actually relieve certain muscular ailments as I had already concluded from experience, PLUS, I like how I get more adult credibility when I lose the sneakers and flip flops!) but alas...none left in my size ( as per usual- another reason the city doesn't suit me- back in my old town WOW shopping is great - most people there do not require XS sizing so when they do have XS they tend to always be on sale :)

ANYHOW at least the day improved greatly when I returned home and watched JUNO (details in separate post).

Later since I had to go out to return the DVD I thought I'd meet up with my one local friend for a drink(cos I was really feeling like I needed one...and I'm not stupid enough to enter a pub/bar unescorted)...however he wasn't punctual and while waiting a few minutes on the road I got sick of being harrassed for money. sheesh early evening in the city you get harrassed by druggies, later evening you get harrassed by grogged up drongos...ARGHHHHHHHHH I just can't win in the city!

So anyway I decided to head back(little tolerance to put up with crap)...along the way, my curiosity made for an impromptu stop at my first ever dog race! Hey Cool-certainly a new and interesting experience for me! It was all beer, smokes and snags...I found it highly amusing and ironic that I always get bagged out for being such a *country bumpkin* but it took being right in the city to actually feel for the first time like I was in the stereotype of what urbanites think country people are all about! :P

Delicious Serendipity!

And the amazing part? It's vegetarian! ;)

So...this is what happens when you haven't had time to grocery shop and the pantry is bare- wow I'm starting to get pretty good at this food improvisation thing...in terms of taste...Mmmmm!

So anyway, I was getting the only dinner worthy item- a frozen pizza base out of the freezer, when a box of frozen leftovers came crashing down (I was a tool enough for my fridge to be open at the same time, so it cracked some eggs along its spectacular descent...)

Not liking waste, I beat and fried the eggs into a salt and pepper omelette as a sort of "side snack".

Back to pizza base...I topped it with some crushed organic tomatoes from a can and some basil squeezed from a tube(like I told you, I really haven't been grocery shopping!), then I put on some shredded pizza cheese...I was reaching for the only pizza suitable vegetable in my crisper- an eggplant- only to find possibly due to it being organic, that it had already become a mould ball :(...chucking that, I was at a loss for what to adorn my pizza with...duh!...omelette! weird huh?!

Baked for 20 minutes....wow- it was surprisingly delicious! the combination of fried egg, basil, tomato and cheese on the base was total delicious serendipity! And it fulfilled two great criteria- a)food on a budget and b) dinner under half an hour!

*pleased* :-D

Different.

Since about the age of 11 or 12 I've always known I'm "different". I figured it's a common enough self-perception around that age and I figured it's just something I would "grow out of" after my teens...alas so many years later...I feel just as "different" as ever!!!

Anyway that thought just came up when someone randomly brought up the premise that everybody "puts on a social front".

The "everybody" part I disagree with but I had noticed back in the big wide world again that facades are a very common way of life but I always just attributed it to people who lacked self confidence, or occasionally people acting appropriate to a context/situation, rather than...Sadly, Social Front is The Norm! :-p

I disagreed because I know for me, no matter what the case, I never do the whole "facade" thing...I think putting on a facade is a totally different concept to having more reservation with showing aspects of your character in reference to context/appropriateness/familiarity...but then I realised...not putting on a social front: THAT is more of an abnormality!

Just cos I don't do them AT ALL, people who do facades really irk me possibly because generally I see straight through them so I never understand the point - probably why I'm not the biggest fan of people...

maybe that is The common thread of all people who love animals? ...at least you always know you're getting real and sincere interaction.

In any case, I guess the fact that social fronts are rife in society and the norm, it just shows how much emphasis humans put on having social acceptance.

In any case, now that my family has "allowed me" to become the adult I am, I realise WOW I don't just feel old inside secretly anymore, I act it too- I feel a lot more in common with my interactions with people older or much, much younger but not my own age. I think when you've been chronically ill from youth you are way more advanced in maturity because you possess a Life Perspective people your own age just don't- hence I feel kinda bad but often when I interact with people in my own age group I find myself abhorring my snobbery of thought..."what babies!"

S, some kind of soul friend on the opposite side of the world who the Universe granted when I expressed a wish for a penpal I'll still be writing to at 60 ;)

also feels similarly displaced (more from being in a long term relationship from youth which is another premature maturer and a foundation of which I also share), she says she generally can't stand people in our age group cos the things they talk about, their concerns just seem so trivial. I have to agree there...in any case I am SO GRATEFUL for the minority of mature interactions I do get...it keeps me sane and still having a love of humans!

I don't know, if I could turn back time...maybe it would have been good to be young and ignorant and grow up normally, rather than be such an old soul in such a young looking body from such a young age- cos really, it just doesn't work well with all the preconceived ideas humans assign to age...