Bye Bye SHY!

I know I usually document my anti-social introversion and social retardness in great depth to the ongoing amusement of my dear reader HO, but for a nice refreshing change I will document a small piece of success...or at least something that someone is definitely going to be SO PROUD of me about...the one amazing thing I did (well I think so) was I did a pretty good job of impostering an EXTROVERT(!) I also did something which on any given day in the past I would never have done and would have considered scary.

In any case my shy paralysis started wearing off about a week ago and since this week it just completely disappeared and now I find it a cinch to talk to anyone, make eye contact and even smile! *wow* I even could make polite small talk with people! and it was EASY....wow, wow, wow!

Anyway, that's what I call real PROGRESS. Well done to me! :)

Disclaimer: Of course that doesn't mean I am now a social whore and no longer like my own company and don't need lots of alone time...

I know what I want.

I think up until very recently my entire life has always wavered all over the place every which way scattering haphazardly in all directions, experimenting, exploring… the only thing I was ever really certain or sure of was that I always knew…WHAT I DON’T LIKE.

Recently I spent quite a bit of time in public settings e.g sitting on park benches, lazing at the beach contentedly watching people and the world go by….and today a sense of utter peace and calm and rock solid groundedness imbued itself in me…striking me with a certain sense of dejavu….perhaps like Eckhart Tolle attaining realization in his 29^th year?

And yes, this may sound arrogant & presumptious but I suddenly FEEL enlightened!

Unexpectedly it seems a new level of understanding or maturity was reached cos suddenly it seems like Everything is VERY CLEAR…interestingly I finally…KNOW WHAT I WANT!!!

Now I just need to work out how to get it…ALL. *lol, it’s just a bit exciting! :)

I can see your insides.

I showed my mate some cool thermographic pictures I got taken the other day sharing thinking "hey check out this cool technology" and he surprised me by saying "wow they're pretty personal and erotic they're even more personal then if you sent me naked pictures of yourself!" And this guy is a major porn-o-holic!

Bizarre...meanwhile I just see beautiful rainbow colours and am wondering how this may be related technology to that used in Kirlian cameras to take pictures of auras?

Anyway it puzzles me how most people my age guys or gals seem so sex obsessed and mating directed...it's kinda boring and gets old after an umpteenth conversation on the topic...my old soul mate reckons the dissonance with me is a soul age thing and that the majority of the world are younger souls so hung up on satisfying their most primal needs immediately... Maybe that's why I always found the majority of the world have not a whole lot too interesting to say...and I'm really quite contented preferring my own company hermiting in nature nine out of ten times. Most people think that is extremely boring, but it works for me ^^!

Another thing I noticed is I have eyes but what I see seems to be so different to what other people see. I can see someone but I don't really "look"...I can't actually quite remember if I met a whole lot of people before and have trouble recognizing people I know if they didn't actually indicate that they know me first if I've only met them once or twice. I think it's cos I don't really look but also...I just see straight THROUGH them. Hence what I actually "see" is their insides, not their outsides. Hence don't even bother asking me did you see that person...unless they had on some seriously interesting costume like an elephant trunk, green face paint, spock ears and a feather boa purple tail. Cos really exteriors aren't of much consequence...I'm already scoping and digging around your insides!

I felt I had this done to me by two other people this year who also share this "ability". I realised it felt invasive and I didn't like it but I can't help myself. That's just the way I am and have always been....It's actually super handy having an in-built "crap detector" so you can fast forward past all the facades people put on 90% of the time. Anyway, just one of those *fascinating* random thoughts I get and felt like blogging at 5am in the morning(!) I realise I have been neglectful of my blog recently so hopefully this *fascinating* post makes up for it somewhat...sorry HO, I know it's my duty to keep you somewhat entertained, so the munchkins don't get you, lol!

p.s One weird thing I noticed is I can't often recall what people look like but I always remember voices...and have like some kind of permanent voice archive stored in my memory bank...

Happy Belated Weekend!

Got drunk on fresh air at a sculpture festival by the harbour challenging myself with the DSLR to take decent/interesting shots despite the challenge of frenzied crowds and harsh lighting…(conclusion: there does seem hope for me and digital photography yet…sorry too lazy to upload pics as too difficult to cull a shortlist…)

Saw a really fantastic Danish film “Brothers” which goes straight to the “Highly recommended” list!

Sunday was especially nice - the first relaxing peace and quiet to MYSELF I’ve managed to get in a seriously loooong time. Woke up LATE ^^, indulged in two episodes of my favourite serial right now MAD MEN, had an organic gourmet lunch of spicy chicken, veggies and quinoa, treated myself to a dessert of red papaya and organic strawberries with dark organic chocolate *swoon*, chatted with my mate who’s such a legend he made my head hurt even worse from laughing so much it got deprived of oxygen, took a leisurely hot bath of seasalt and essential oils, took a nap in my seriously comfy bed…and finally resolved something from the recesses of my mind that had been niggling me for a while…ALL IN ALL a pretty good day! =)

Squealing Giggling Japanese schoolgirl...

have a l♡♡k!

Project "How to Open a Coconut"

Boy was this particular sucker a tough nut to crack!!!

So anyway, Tools of the Trade:

*Big stone mortar and pestle pounder
*Sharp knife (most people go for a cleaver but I'm a weenie)
*Big Screwdriver-important device to "flick open" top
*Paper towel to wipe up the coconut carcass fragments and the big mess you made.

Oh and big spoon and straw inside the already gorged on coconut :)

Truth be told this year was a first for me and b'day twin learning to open our own coconuts- prior we'd always had the luxury of someone else or paying a restaurant at $5-7 a pop!
...Been very industrious this year^^ There's a huge sense of satisfaction doing things for yourself :) Also considering I was born in a land of coconuts I feel it's something I was born expected to know how to do so I'm glad I can finally live up to this expectation, lol.

Shy.

Sometimes some random thought just hits me and then for some reason I think it's novel and stick to it or at least try it out until I get bored. So for example I just decided I feel especially more than normal shy this week. Maybe I'm just tired? I guess I'll be staying indoors with my laptop and be studious :)

I like the biological explanation of "shyness" in Wiki which was "tends to avoid human beings".

Shy sounds a whole lot nicer and more acceptable than "socially avoidant"...

Trust me if I had a choice in my nature I would have chosen to be an Extrovert-HANDS DOWN!

But for now *shy* says bye!

Men, Women are not LIVESTOCK!

: -P

When women complain to me what is wrong with men in this country…this is the first thing that comes to mind which I think is particular to laddish brutish cultures like ours…that men treat women like LIVESTOCK.

As soon as I laid my mat and sat down…Between the persistent harassment of seagulls stalking me over food and men like that described above at the beach today I found myself truly pissed off and irritated, since for me the reason I go to the beach in the first place is for quiet and peaceful Me rest& recuperation time!

So anyway, I don’t know where MEN get off thinking they’re gonna get lucky by yelling at women like they’re some kind of livestock. As if any woman with any SELF-RESPECT Is gonna dignify THAT with any kind of RESPONSE …bar….PISS OFF!!!

Now I realize another reason why I so often like to present like a complete dero-bar comfort, lazy practicality and subversion of female objectification, it’s REALLY quite Protective!!!

As a typical INTJ, my mind immediately started conjuring up solutions in my imagination…I like the solution that came to mind...

“I will invest in a SLINGSHOT!” Dual purpose! For Birds and Boys. If it so “happens” to hit a boy, I will say “Oops, I was trying to hit those pesky seagulls…I’m a bad shot, sorry.” ;)

But then I guess some animal activist out of nowhere will appear and give me grief about it…lol, where is my remote and desolate island paradise when I need one?!!!

Yikes.

Yikes!

...modern technologies are health hazards!

Stranger Stories a.k.a The Three Wise Men :)

It’s been an interesting random stranger week… three random strangers started random conversations with me in the past week or so…all OLD OLD MEN, lol…it’s like some kind of conspiracy theory- my mate says it’s cos I am more open to them hence my body language invites them as opposed to others…my theory is that although this may be true, there is some significant “other” factor cos It’s been happening for most of my life – that being that I suspect that really I am a really OLD man masquerading in the guise of a sweet and innocent looking young girl ;)

OLD MAN NO.2

Was a brilliant engineer with THREE degrees and who somehow back in the day had managed to get his training in GERMANY and at MIT- wow that’s a list of impressive credentials…so the way we got talking was that I was sitting on the bus late one night carrying a bag with some of my old scans…the outside of the bag said “MEDICAL IMAGING” he asked me isn’t that just a fancy term for “x-ray”? Yeah, and then he went on to tell me how he used to take X-rays of big huge steel structures…this guy, okay I accidentally caught his eye which may have been why he took the liberty to “chat”.

OLD MAN NO.2

Now this one WAS random! I was hanging around waiting to meet my bday twin to give her an umbrella she left behind while all the rest of the friends had gone ahead to lunch. So anyway, it was windy and I must have coughed but I don’t quite remember…a random voice from the side out of my vision just says “Are you Chinese?” I looked up and it was some old Chinese man. “No I can’t speak Chinese or any asian languages” I said defensively, being so sick of being asked for directions/help just cos I look asian but can’t actually communicate in asian. But I was too hasty to judge this man…he persists some more to keep asking me about my ethnicity…then after he verifies I have Chinese blood and from what region my long lost ancestors hail he says: “Take 4 slices of ginger and honey for your cough”. *what??!* Thinks me and suddenly my interest is perked…ARE YOU A CHINESE MEDICINE PRACTITIONER? I ask. LOL, yup. So anyway a nice conversation then ensues and he gives me his card, pokes out his tongue gesturing for me to poke out mine, take a look with a master’s eye and then proceeds to write a herbal formula for me on in elegant Chinese running characters on the back of his business card…

OLD MAN NO.3

I was doing my usual organic produce shopping and I spied this man carefully choosing PARSNIPS. I watched him carefully trying to identify how he was selecting these, especially cos I had only ever bought and tried cooking parsnip just the week prior and have not yet mastered its inner workings, lol.

So anyway maybe he noticed but did not say anything.

Then later I was carefully eyeing some interesting plant which looked to me like a very cute and stout white radish…I was dying to know what it was but was waiting for someone to be free to ask. So anyway that same man then asks the fruiterer to lop off the sprouts on the top and then he casually remarks to me standing next to him…(again no eye contact)”these are really nice and sweet.” So my curiosity gets the best of me and I end up asking what it is –A TURNIP- and how to cook them…ah, nice intellectual cultured old man(I extrapolate that based on look) who is passionate about fresh produce and can cook. That’s Coolness J

Anyway other more random weird stuff happened this week but I thought having the same theme –the three wise old men-would make for a blog post.

As a random aside I saw a wall hanging that made a good point: To Me perhaps?

“For problems that can be fixed, what is the NEED of worrying?

For problems that can’t be fixed, what is the USE of worrying?”

Throwing Caution to the Wind

So, it's just past midnight and I've still not prepared a presentation I have tomorrow....lol, living dangerously? Or is it just the fact that I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE cos really I've gotten to a point of enough traumas where I realise there aren't too many things that warrant getting knickers in a knot over!

I was telling my mate that Sometimes you Gotta Die before you learn how to Live...so yeah, that's me these days...living in the moment, a little recklessly...but having fun :)

P.S If you love your ear candy, please check out H.O's Beautiful Piano solo clip below...sheesh, I'm not exaggerating when I say it's so beautiful...when I heard it it ACTUALLY melted my heart!!! Too bad for the stuff up H.O- rerecord a perfect one and dedicate it to me please :) Haha! ;)

The Saturn Return

Ouch. So painful.

Would be nice to just go into hibernation until it all blows over. Or do an ostrich and stick head in dirt completely oblivious to the carnage it wreaks in its path of destruction!

Hopefully sooner rather than later, in time, little shoots of new growth will burst through the layer of debris, finally fertile.