Cheer up, Mug

I decided to write a list of thanksgiving to divert from the significant challenges in my current environs and reasons to rant...

I am grateful for the custom artwork ^^ painted for me today that was the ray of sunshine in an otherwise pretty gloomy past 3 days.

I am grateful for the custom quirky hat which HO has posted to me in the mail complete with crazy pom poms :)

I am grateful for the custom larimar for a small person which Izzy sourced for me all the way from the Dominican Republic!!!

I am grateful for the lovely alfresco meal G made when I really needed some prodding to want to eat in her backyard.

And always the calm easy going vibes and energy exuded by M.

And the few words required understanding exuded by P.

And the laughter, entertainment, friendship and great meals provided by Toyboy.

And my friend G who dropped in randomly for a surprise visit.

And getting to spend one on one time with L on her last night in Oz.

And VZ for being my supplier of "culture" ensuring I won't ever miss out on The Good Stuff despite living in a Void.

And Murphs and D for putting up with my endless annoying monologues and providing the depth and interesting mental stimulation which I can't get from daily life!

And the help my cousins have given me during this time of crisis.

Oh and E who I would never graduate if it weren't for all her help!

All in the past week or so!

Hmmm even if there is noone in my immediate vicinity, that's a whole bunch of nice people around for me and that's not even everyone. So I guess I'm pretty fortunate :) in the Bigger Picture.

What do you do when...

you go through an incessant string of bad luck...

you can LAUGH instead of CRY.

And...

You can go buy a lottery ticket ;)

...Wish me Luck!!! :)

p.s This option's out for me these days, but I highly recommend a good glass of red wine with some jazz, say Bill Evans...or like. But hopefully this post doesn't find any of you in the midst of crisis. What can we do anyway? Soldier on!

Okay, I get the message LOUD and CLEAR

So Can the random crappy things stop happening already? arghhhhhhhhhhh!

I have been told more than once by several people "you are the unluckiest person I know"...

I'm still trying to remember what I did wrong in my past live(s) lol...

IN THE WARS

FG I think you jinxed me!!! LOL yeah as if my life could be that calm and easygoing and stress free for long....I've had a significant crisis randomly crop up....particularly testing since 4/5 of my close people left the country in the past week or so...okay sure there is the argument you are never alone cos God is always with you...but REALLY sometimes in the midst of crisis it would be helpful to have a more practical tangible form of support in the form of actual presence of physical human beings!!

My one fiercely "independent" friend and I, well we're starting to realise, it's not all that in certain respects as you get older, for one two words come to mind a lot: hard...tiring.

Perhaps that is why the song "A Message" by Coldplay kept playing for me yesterday...the most frequent line seems to be "you don't have to be alone".

The saddest part though is I for one am stretched full capacity, I really don't have time for a non compulsory real "life"....in those rare few luxury hours I'm fighting to get rest and or sleep with my dental mask in the midst of my chain smoking in the middle of the night dero neighbours!

arghhhhh, modern city life is just MISERABLE and always feels like such an uphill Battle!

Once I am done with this year, wow these last couple of years of minimalist subsistence TESTING living which constitutes "life"....wow, that would be one of my life's greatest triumphs....cos it's felt like Adversity all steps of the very lengthy way!!!

I think the only thing keeping me sane in the midst of latest crisis is the memory of sitting by the ocean yesterday cos I could do nothing more...some misfortunes you just have no control over. It was interesting anyway the change up of pace caused by "the crisis", you just remember how insignificant and small and helpless you really are. But I can only manage a brief wallow (with accompanied rant), cos soon if I don't get happening, I really will be up sh*t creek.

Eh, the student life is too charmed. In any case I was thinking in some ways people like us are very respectable philanthropists...we take on a lot of hardship and student debt but in terms of "givingness" we go waaaaay past a simple monetary donation in terms of giving back to the community....how many people can be helped with their health - this permeates like a spiderweb in every direction of that person's life....well, you can't put a dollar sign on that!!

I just wish the world had more people that weren't so damn selfish. I would much more enjoy a world that subcribed to my values and codes of behaviour. Which is why I need to find my Utopia and go esconce in the safety and naievete of that idealistic bubble.

I guess that is why so many years on I am still blogging...the blogging world is as good as it can get until liberation...

Wow, what's up?

Sooo relaxed and easy going lately...maybe it really is the company you keep...I pointedly avoid any potential source of negative vibes and make sure I only surround by people who energise me...simple as that, HUGE DRAMATIC difference, especially in terms of energy levels...it's great!

Grandma: Evidence, Part 2

...Deja vu!

I was sitting trying to hem some jeans...in the evening...and I found myself squinting, trying to locate the needle hole...like I really couldn't see it!!! Reached for some glasses, another few frustrating misses later...and it occurred to me...

Oh my gosh! The tables have turned...suddenly, I'm no longer the observer...suddenly, I've turned into my MOTHER!!! *Yikes*

I guess that means I better have kids or else who will be able to help me thread the needle when I want to sew?!

LOL.

TV is Good for me.

This was my surprising conclusion for the week. I think when one's brain is habituated into always ticking away so hard, TV is a really good thing. Because it is such brainless but distracting drivel your brain actually gets a chance to rest and unwind. So in that way, without the time, energy or funds for a proper R&R escape, it's actually a pretty convenient source of relaxation and rejuvenation.

Who knew that TV was actually so beneficial to health...finally, I finally understand what all men seem to have always known!!!

Anyway, now I must say toodooloo to go spend some quality time with my Box ;)

Toast by Ten.

Okay that's it. Saturday night in the big city...Can't take it!

SUCH a Grandma...one vaguely alarming thing I've noticed is that sometime in the past year or so I really can't take alcohol anymore-the tiniest bit makes my head start to spin!!!

And it actually took me about 40 minutes to get out of the door cos I was deliberating on whether my dress was too short...even with shorts underneath I just couldn't allow myself out with that much exposure in public- in the end I was able to after I slapped on a pair of full length jeans underneath...

In any case I felt sad SAD today...3rd departure this week. I don't know what's the deal with me but I feel jinxed, it seems like everybody I am close to always has to leave...I don't think there is any more point making friends with people IRL, I think I'd be better off investing in a pet!

So Tired. I have absolutely zilch social stamina....oh well I think that was just about my last friend left anyway, at least it will help with keeping my head in the books!

A Simple Equation.

City Peeps=Icky Vibes

The city is one big population of predominantly disgruntled, stressed out angry peeps which makes for a heck of a lot of bad mojo to soak up by osmosis if you're as energetically sensitive as me :p

I've never noticed this problem out of town, cos people in general are alot happier and relaxed in general with easier going lives and less daily pressures.

The main problem with living amongst cityfolk is that people are irrational, emotional creatures and tend to need to vent their issues somehow and more often than not it'll come to whichever poor hapless random soul happens to be walking past...I hate when that's me :-p

Of course there is a temptation to yell right back (in all fairness). But I don't. It takes some form of self control(I think living here is a very good exercise in learning self control and more importantly, forgiveness). In any case, lucky I am a gutless wonder(anti-confrontational)...and just happen to be a pretty nice bean ;) too :)

However, I think I Need to do some qigong and go bond with the ocean, or an animal or a tree :) soon.

It's hard staying...clean...here.

Get out of my face, PLEASE.

One much wiser chump than me once said "what you resist, persists"...Something to ponder perhaps, me thinks...

This week so far has been testament to some pretty impressive demonstration of mind over matter in that I believe I've done a really good job not to whack anyone in the face...or scream and hurl obscenities and pepper spray.

However, in the cartoon videoscreen of my fanciful imagination I am hurling a big tall tree log in whopping 360s clearing a nice comfy "personal bubble space" wherever I walk cos it's a concept that city people don't friggin seem to understand. If an entire room is empty, why must some chump always have to sit next to me....are we really living in a society that is so lonely and fearful of being alone that people don't realise I appreciate some damn friggin SPACE?

You know those cartoons where some animal gets hunted and has to keep running from room to room and closing the door and leaning on it...that is literally how I felt yesterday. And today wasn't that much better. I have a new found appreciation for being able to come home and know that when I close that door nobody will bug me for another 8 hours or so.

It's been interesting anyway talking to my cousin who also suffers "social issues" - she observed that if anything her issues manifest in reverse ie. she is SO weird it makes people STAY AWAY rather than an object of intrigue to be bugged!

If anything what I am craving most lately, is a nice comfy 3m diameter space to move (I take a lot of space). Or at least a minimal 50cm buffer zone so I don't have to smell people's personal odours or have them step on my feet lean on my arm or strike up spitty conversations in my ear since they were too socially idiotic to properly interpret my blatant lurches away.

I came up with a conspiracy theory that maybe I am radiating lots of good energy and that is why it seems like loads of people are drawn to come so close to me lately...they're coming to steal and sap my good energy!!! :P Well whatever the case, all this "social interaction" is leaving me feeling somewhat drained...

Not sure what is up recently but obviously some part of my "misanthropic vibe" ain't broadcasting strong enough cos people keep impinging on my sacred personal bubble...

Which is making for one very *CraNkY* Z!

I can't wait to get out of the city...

My kindred spirit...in a dog :)

Thank God for Animals...

Charming good looks courtesy of being half dingo...

Furrowed brows...hallmark of the true intellectual, lol.

Who knew that 10 year old dogs were as cute as puppies?!

If you can't beat em and you can't kill em....

Then you just gotta...

WeiRd eM OUt by playing LOUD your most weirdest and most obnoxious music (and sing along at the top of your lungs -(good stress relief, and will hopefully send them packing ;) which you are sure they won't appreciate ;)

In that way as long as you concurrently vaporise protective essential oils and YOU enjoy your weird music you're pretty safe from getting sapped...

Zhen's strategy on How to deal with Bogan neighbours :)

I wanna be a Maths Nerd!

Wow...it's amazing how quickly one bounces back when they get more than 5 hours sleep/lying down rest in a night for the first time in a week! When I looked in the mirror this morning I was rather amazed what a difference actual rest makes to my reflection, lol...bye bye panda eyes!

In any case, I digress...back to the title of this post:

My father had high hopes for me as a financial mathematician. Hoping in vain that somehow some seed of his mathematical genius and enthusiasm for maths had somehow permeated into his down the line flesh and blood...

Of course, I proved a disappointment- refusing to go anywhere near the stuff! In any case it's been almost 15 years but I had need to get reacquainted with maths again...and having been away so long I can't say there weren't jangles of fear and trepidation to numb my body...and cause my brain to want to shut down in sheer anxiety and overwhelmedness!

In any case this is my first experience with applied maths and now that I've actually sat down to try and make head or tail out of it, I actually gotta admit I actually found myself...enjoying myself! LOL...perhaps I would have made for a good applied mathematician after all...maybe if he had suggested it at a much later date...when I grew out of throwing a "hate school" protest...but then again, I'm still pretty lazy, and I still don't like studying...I guess that is why maths is cool...cos once you actually understand it, it requires very little....study!

NOW I Understand why all the Really Smart people LIKE maths! :)

An aside, it recently occurred to me another thing I have been really DUMB about...absolutely everybody is superificial. I used to think that maybe it didn't apply to some of us more "evolved beings", lol...not really...maybe to a lesser extent, but appearances do still factor in to first impressions...I realised why all the SMART people pay so much attention to appearance, cos when you look good, people are SO much nicer to you, treat you better and you can get them to do just about anything you want...of course you could just rely on charm(expecially if you're lazy)...but if you want that extra potency you gotta throw in some looks...something both my sexy fox birthday twin and classy lady girl friend understand all too well, lol.

So maybe I could afford to be slightly less lazy about it, especially in the professional context. I was so exhausted I had to go to bed early so used a hairdryer to dry my hair- the next day quite a few friends were commenting on my nice "haircut"- what haircut I asked? haha! Who knew such little things make such a big difference...to be honest I really don't care about these things, not that I ever have but I guess also cos once you've been an old married hag and realised that being tied down by a male is not really ALL THAT, it could be an unconscious strategy to keep the burden and trouble away as well :)

Timesuck...

...and a small confession.

I sneakily got suckered into *holds back from gagging*... facebook.

We had a slight break and my birthday twin was playing games on her account...they looked so fun...she encouraged me to try...and that was the point of....slight addiction.

Yikes.

In any case I am drained, I am exhausted...I feel the little pleasures in each day are justified...in any case I think life is so hectic and full-on I have been listening to Tomasz Stanko every morning and every night on repeat and nothing else for hmmmm....maybe 10 days now? I think it's just the best way to find peace and relaxation and restfulness in every hustle bustle day...

I think on Friday night I will break open the port and watch a movie...can't wait. I think I shrivel up really quickly without some quality introverted alone time.

Embracing Your Roots

Recently I really started having a deep appreciation for my oriental roots(perhaps you can tell by the new asian asian profile pic) and an interest in learning to speak oriental tongues even if it is as banal as "where is the toilet?"lol.

Anyway this new phase was made all the better by a surprise fly in from my exotically foreign cultured same age cousin that I only met once 16 years ago!

Lately I definitely have a preference for anything oriental...I guess I'm just always drawn to whatever's more exotic...I think the local culture and people got too boring for me now.

Hmmm, I wonder if that will translate to itchy feet...

Why I am a Punk

Also this post could aptly be titled:

"Why I struggle to have Respect for Rules or Authority."

The reason being that...they violate the very objective they set out to achieve:

i.e... To be FAIR.

Cos what in reality ends up happening is that those in POWER, ABUSE their power hence there ends up one rule for those in power and their cronies,

and another for the rest of the hapless souls...

So that is why in regards to rules and authority, overwhelmingly in three words, what springs to mind:

FLIP THE BIRD!

:O)

One reason to be grateful for Americans...what a great expression ;)

Being Phased Out: Where is your survival instinct?

It occurs to me that relative to the normal population I have barely a competitive bone in my body...mostly for the fact that I don't care enough about anything and I don't really care what anybody else thinks or how people view me... oh, not to mention I am lazy, and idealistic and perhaps to some extent unrealistic.

I realised this is probably why me and my genes will probably be phased out before too long.

It's not like I've had a silver platter life...I just don't seem to have that competitive drive or hunger...perhaps it is an old soul thing...

In any case that was just a thought- I've been asked by friends before...they don't understand me and I don't understand them re: the competitiveness...

Too bad...I think my genes could have benefited being carried through more than some others that roam the planet...reminds me of that thought....that before too long everybody in the world will be really dumb because most of the smart people tend to end up pursuing careers and jobs and putting off babies till they reach an age they can't and most of the others have nothing better to do and end up having loads and loads of kids...of course there are exceptions *winks at HO*

In any case maybe all the mixing of races and more diversified stronger genepool will help counteract the population decline...

Be Careful, or...

Your face might just fall off...

aack!!!

Went into the ladies with my b'day twin, feeling rather crap-like drained crap sick tired comatose I proceeded to splash water over my face in copious amounts to try and wake up/refresh.

My b'day twin was completely astounded...

Being not the quickest...

What's so strange? I asked innocently.

Apparently, nobody does what I do, cos otherwise their face would fall off! *LOL

An Uneventful Day

*wow* how rare are these!!!

I really appreciate them I think, well maybe while they are still a novelty ;) I wonder if I should wish for many more...things were just so smooth and breezy and peaceful and...sedate, almost! well at least compared to normal of late... high drama, hustle bustle and twists worthy of a filmic plot! :P

Two highlights:

Sharing an interesting email about misanthropy and social retardness.

And also seeing an amazing historic photograph of someone's past.

I don't know maybe I'm weird but they were really my favourite moments for the day :)

Full On, Flat Out...

Apologies in advance if I "disappear off the face of the earth" - back in SURVIVAL MODE. Very very tired and busy, not only that I'm also cramming all my spare moments with reading...spiritual studies, travel research et cetera and the odd social engagement.

Blergh, I need sleep! But instead I find myself having to go...shopping :S And wow, how cold is it suddenly-honestly the effects of global warming on how wacky these "seasons" have become is really alarming :P