IN THE WARS

FG I think you jinxed me!!! LOL yeah as if my life could be that calm and easygoing and stress free for long....I've had a significant crisis randomly crop up....particularly testing since 4/5 of my close people left the country in the past week or so...okay sure there is the argument you are never alone cos God is always with you...but REALLY sometimes in the midst of crisis it would be helpful to have a more practical tangible form of support in the form of actual presence of physical human beings!!

My one fiercely "independent" friend and I, well we're starting to realise, it's not all that in certain respects as you get older, for one two words come to mind a lot: hard...tiring.

Perhaps that is why the song "A Message" by Coldplay kept playing for me yesterday...the most frequent line seems to be "you don't have to be alone".

The saddest part though is I for one am stretched full capacity, I really don't have time for a non compulsory real "life"....in those rare few luxury hours I'm fighting to get rest and or sleep with my dental mask in the midst of my chain smoking in the middle of the night dero neighbours!

arghhhhh, modern city life is just MISERABLE and always feels like such an uphill Battle!

Once I am done with this year, wow these last couple of years of minimalist subsistence TESTING living which constitutes "life"....wow, that would be one of my life's greatest triumphs....cos it's felt like Adversity all steps of the very lengthy way!!!

I think the only thing keeping me sane in the midst of latest crisis is the memory of sitting by the ocean yesterday cos I could do nothing more...some misfortunes you just have no control over. It was interesting anyway the change up of pace caused by "the crisis", you just remember how insignificant and small and helpless you really are. But I can only manage a brief wallow (with accompanied rant), cos soon if I don't get happening, I really will be up sh*t creek.

Eh, the student life is too charmed. In any case I was thinking in some ways people like us are very respectable philanthropists...we take on a lot of hardship and student debt but in terms of "givingness" we go waaaaay past a simple monetary donation in terms of giving back to the community....how many people can be helped with their health - this permeates like a spiderweb in every direction of that person's life....well, you can't put a dollar sign on that!!

I just wish the world had more people that weren't so damn selfish. I would much more enjoy a world that subcribed to my values and codes of behaviour. Which is why I need to find my Utopia and go esconce in the safety and naievete of that idealistic bubble.

I guess that is why so many years on I am still blogging...the blogging world is as good as it can get until liberation...