Sunday, October 31, 2010

Wife wants a Farmer!

Heard through the grapevine that one of my old school mates is currently going through the selection processes for “The Farmer Wants a Wife”…

my gf was like “if there was an organic one I’d SO NOMINATE YOU!” HA HA!

Actually though, although it has become a running joke in my highly white collar professional circle, many years ago prior to the existence of this show in Oz I had already started to say “I want to go live in the country!” so then everybody’s solution (led by my mother) was “Go marry a (rich) farmer!!” but they didn’t realise I seriously wouldn’t mind, it’s just that farmers do not exist in the city! Duh.

I remember a few years ago now that an older "rational" colleague of mine was counselling me “You CAN'T marry a farmer- you need someone really intellectually stimulating and SMART!” To which I argued, who says a farmer isn’t smart…I guess they meant the farmer needs a university degree (or two) and a PhD at minimum to be suitable partner material :P

In any case in all these years I have chanced to meet a total of three farmers…ever. I recall and summarise for amusement as below:

The first one I met randomly while waiting for an airport bus and we got a lot of time to talk cos our plane was seriously delayed…possibly when I was in my Irish-phile leprechaun admiration phase(the accent is so cute-I’ve since graduated to the Germans…lol)

Anyway his name was Padraig…a mechanic but also a sheep/cow farmer, an aquarius who actually had an interest in arthouse movies and pretty good taste in music(which I remember being surprised and impressed by)…he also was a celiac so I remember both of us starving waiting for our delayed flights…he, cos he couldn’t eat anything there and me, cos there was absolutely nothing remotely appetizing to this fussy foodster! In any case by the time our plane got in it was so late when I saw my dad-didn’t want the usual suspicious interrogations re who is this boy?- I just wanted to go home and shower so I was too rude/lazy to bother keeping in touch.

Next farmer I met in the course of my business - an ORGANIC HERB farmer!!!! But alas he was married with a bun on the way. End of story. Well...not quite I chanced to bump into him some time later and ended up concluding " MAN this guy is friggin annoying!"

Last farmer I met was more like a creepy flower harvester who saw me at a distance randomly and then made a beeline-alas alack, I had such a bad case of wind-exposure induced torticollis I was curled up on a couch and couldn’t move to get away…this farmer could have doubled for a modern day pirate/convict…lol, in all my bluntness I even told him he looked like a convict to which he agreed he was proud of his heritage, haha! In any case he had dirty nails and rough hands…

FAIL, FAIL, FAIL. Hence, still no farmer, lol.

That summarises all the farmers I have ever met….so I’m not holding my breath, lol! And despite the enthusiasm of the jokesters around me, I’m not going on any damn TV shows- only extroverted people the direct antithesis of me would be that CRAZY! If the goal is to live in the country, marrying a farmer is not the only solution geez! :P And I still reserve the right to keep my "Country Bumpkin" title M!

In any case, maybe a nice intellectual introverted farmer will one day surf into this post…*kismet*! HAHA, hopefully I won’t be some crazy stinking old lady buried under her menagerie of animals by the time that happens-hehe ;) Or maybe my plans will get foiled and I will succumb to the dark side -some city slicker who is just irresistably charming…HAHA…Again, not holding my breath, LOL!!! I think as long as I can keep a nice plot of green and grow my organic veggies, I think I will be JUST FINE.

If my peeps want some B-grade American movie Farmer Fairy tale they can just turn on the damn TV!

Zhen HAS SPOKEN.

5 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I am an intellectual farmer. I have read Don Quixote and Madame Bovary and I grow mangoes in the jungle. Do you have any plans to visit the Republic of Congo?

JJ Beazley said...

Personally, I doubt there's any 'right' man for you, Zhen (or whatever your name is now.) Why commit to just one set of attributes? That's like deciding what your favourite meal is and then having it every day for the rest of your life to the exclusion of everything else. But I'm probably just prejudiced.

Zz... said...

LOL, typical Saggi...commitmentphobe...what do you think marriage is if not commiting to the one set of attributes and having the same meal every day for the rest of your life...(hopefully!)

JJ Beazley said...

Oh, I see. So that was why they never worked. Always wondered.

Evil Shannanigans said...

Creepy pirate convict farmers? Jeez, I need to move to Australia!

Do they wear the long pyjamas with the bum flap? Because that is hot.