Why Men Have it Tough.

Saw this in a health mag...*LOL!

In 160Gb...Heaven! ♥

I bet lots of young'uns are laughing at how "cute" Old Grandma is...got so excited about my new Classic IPOD. Really, Grandma is amazed. I can't believe I was operating on a piddly 4Gb black and white screen for so damn long...

So anyway now that the Full Moon has blown over I'm feeling much better, thanks. Or maybe it really is like how I say: Music IS my Salvation.

In any case it's great being an introvert-it's so easy to keep self occupied and entertained and unbored...if anything, too busy and too little time and energy to engage in ALL the things I want to do. But what little I am doing is fun all the same :)

P.S H.O, you'll be pleased I just discovered how to do a ♥ - so you're gonna get ♥ ♥ ♥ - too much loving! ha-ha *LOL

I wanna be...FAT!

And I mean that in the best possible way...eg FAT being synonymous with Healthy...

So...updates: These drugs aren't being kind :-p Crackly lips and hundred year old hands, and I can't be a sun bunny cos otherwise I'll turn into Bunny Toast.

This stick is turning into a...Twig! Bones sticking out of back (and front)...Not nice, not nice at all!!

In any case we need to find the small joys in each day. So today I felt very pleased with myself that for someone pretty sick my balance ain't bad ;). I realised that all the while I was talking to a guy to repair my shoes I had been standing on one leg :) Cool maybe I'll be extra qualified to be a super duper Pink Flamingo in the next life!

Apart from that one small lesson...be as student homeless bum dero as possible when asking for prices and do not wear expensive looking jewellery cos otherwise the prices people end up quoting you are...a Bomb!

"You're a Full Blown Hippy!"

My mother decided I've become this lately.

I'm glad to say I'm SERIOUSLY enjoying it. Had heaps of fun at an organic expo and totally stuffed my face COS I COULD. And what greater joy is there to stuff face with lots of good food and have no limits?!

Anycase now that I'm going all chemical free etc I can't do a whole lot that used to bring me joy eg:eating out with friends, which is good cos that means I can save my money for very selective and costly things(yes, unfortunately going chemical free is seriously expensive...sad to admit I am a High Maintenance Girl...cos my food bills alone could buy a house! But hey, life is too short to eat crap and put crap into your body.

Anycase my favourite parts were discovering ingenious inventions that support a more sustainable natural lifestyle such as the very fun idea of "aquaponics" eg kill 2 birds with one stone-use your pet fish poos to grow some nice vegetables which grow so many times faster than in conventional soil :)

I also enjoyed the scientific talks on reducing toxic load in the modern world.

Trying all the different products that I couldn't ingest.

Finding out about soapnuts-little nut things that can be used instead of normal laundry detergent.

But at the end of the day...food, glorious food! Yay says this piggy. Now that's my idea of a GOOD TIME! *lol

I didn't make such a huge dent this time...but that's cos I'm still researching and deciding what designs etc I want on some of the bigger purchases eg a ceramic water purifier. (I got a really cute little BPA free Stainless Steel water bottle which says "Hippy" all over it- lol...will have to upload a pic sometime.)

I also want to get this hippy band thing for my energetic field but alas they ran out of my size...but will get one eventually-lol talking to the chick she said I was not the first energetic healer to come and say "I'm REALLY SENSITIVE" and report all the weird bodily sensations she could feel immediately.

Oh the other fun part was being amongst weird bubble people like me...if anything even more fussy and affected than me...complaining about all flame retardant in the carpet causing their various ailments etc etc. I guess having lived in such crap chemicals for so long so intensely I'm not gonna whinge like the people who are used to the clean serenity of natural farms etc....one day though...I'm still gunning to go hermit on a desolate island one day as soon as feasible :)

OMG!!!!

My Right Brain suddenly got switched on again after half a life spent AWOL...Amazing!

Suddenly, my brain and body got reconnected...ahhh, LOVE. (Little Zhen Head detaches and walks over to torso where arms of body give it a big "reunited...at last!" hug.)

^^

Willy Wonka Lives!!!

I was so amazingly bored out of my brain today I even persisted to actually finish a Sudoku that was so hard it took me possibly an hour between commuting and eating to solve it! Meanwhile I had already decided to look up what recreational night classes I might join...I think as everybody prepares to travel without me, I feel especially restless with envy! So need to find something to get excited about as consolation :p (Sheer intensity of boredom today even motivated me to think I might dig out and start carrying DSLR around opportunistically and actually applying myself to try and take one decent photo a month once I learn how to work around it's unpredictable and temperamental nature...now my computer is back up finally and I can make spare time, no excuses...)

A seriously boring day. So I was absolutely delighted when I serendipitously managed to catch the most *amazing* food show ever...Heston's Feasts! The guy is utter GENIUS. GENIUS!!!!

I was especially chuffed cos I am such a HUGE enduring FAN of the 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with Gene Wilder...which still captures my imagination so much that I always watch it whenever it comes on never tiring of repeats...

Can you believe Heston created Lickable Wallpaper For Real? Wow....I've uncovered a new Hero...what a fantastically imaginative, innovative, awe-inspiring, eccentric, creative, wacky show! Where food meets science meets madness and genius and creativity! All the things I love most all in the one show- wow, TV has never been so good. Iron Chef is totally lame by comparison...

Can't wait for the next Episode with the theme of Fairytales- can't wait for the house from Hansel and Gretel!

Global warming is affecting my sleep!

Not sure if it's the geographic or scientifically correct term but I dreamt of Continental Drift last night!!!

I was standing on a rock cliff or the earth's crust or something and other pieces had broken off and were floating away. I managed to jump into a small silver cauldron and float to the next piece of floating rock.

What a bizarre dream. Would appreciate any "deep" analyses of what it all means!

Not sure how it came about-possibly cos at the beach the other day I couldn't lie on the sand cos the waves were so huge the entire beach got consumed!!! And I attribute that very strange & crazy event to...Global Warming!!! :P

Blunt Honesty in all its Glory.

This was my crack up moment of the day. It would be so fun to be able to observe ourselves in daily life if we could split in two...

But until this becomes feasible, the next best thing is to be able to observe people JUST LIKE US...Enter Birthday Twin :-D

BT to Saggi Guy: "It's not that I hate you, it's just that you're annoying!!! (pauses, he looks cut)...she persists: "Do you get me? I don't hate you, I just find you really annoying!!!"

LOL...I was TOTALLY CRACKING UP, even I don't have the nerve to be SO RUDE and to repeat the message...Twice! But maybe that's where I have 8 years on her...hopefully I've learnt a thing or two in that time, lol.

Lucky Saggi guys are a good sport....they don't mind being laughed at or made fun of. They laugh with you, and they take bluntness really well...

When he asked for reasons why I could offer no better consolation than..."it's just your astrology sorry-you're all Obnoxious Extroverts".

Which is why I limit myself to small doses :) Most things are good...in small enough doses! hehe. I love my BT- next best thing to a CLONE! Yay us.

Furrowed Brows, Gynophobia and Minority Subversion

So I was catching the bus home one night and in my line of vision was this woman...going through her whole personal grooming routine(gee I hate when people use public domains to do that)...

She had a systematic and strategic method of brushing her hair which kind of grossed me out cos she was flicking her hair all over the place - it was pretty neat and effectual though and very, very thorough- I was just slightly *impressed*...in any case after tying it up in a satisfactory ponytail after going through various other steps she pulled it all out! and flicked her loose hair all over the place only to go through the whole procedure all over again! arghhh! the lazy ass in me was shitting herself at all the wasted EFFORT...after spending so much time to just ditch like that, I seriously found my face had ended up imprinted with Furrowed Brows... completely 'combobulated...watching her I realised...I just DO NOT understand the fairer gender at all...nope, completely, utterly, non-sensical!

And then I realised just like Ms Hanson's favourite word "Xenophobia" that is where all fear has roots...in lack of understanding and unfamiliarity...which is probably why I realised this week, to some extent I definitely suffer gynophobia or a fear of women. Which is the only explanation I can give for not daring to meet Dina...Weird I know. Maybe it's a learned socialization of fear and mistrust cos women have always been 'crap as' to me relative, in my life to date.

Besides that I did have another scary encounter with a woman recently. An Aryan Great Grandma. I seriously had to hold back from not swearing at her. She was one of those self important seriously selfish people who are so busy tending their own concerns they lack awareness of basic consideration for others and feel the need to IMPOSE themselves on you even if you are just going about minding your own business.

As I grow older and older I definitely more and more identify with my "minority" roots and am grateful for them. Despite the dominant aesthetic typically being Barbie blonde and blue eyes I can honestly say I've never aspired to this. In any case now that I am in a more homoegenous, stuffy, conservative area I find myself reacting... I think I can't stand being dictated to or oppressed by social conventions even if as some people have pointed out, this is not always self-serving or in my best interests. I can't help myself. It's like this sad but good film I saw the other day where this girl got totally exploited for her looks and shoved into child prostitution. Basically as an act of defiance to her pimps who told her to go do "make up" she went and defaced her face into a clown and hacked her hair all short and uneven. I was almost fist pumping in that part of the film-lol!

So anyway, back to Aryan Great Grandma...after unappreciated and unjust discriminatory interlude, I felt the need to don Cambodian hijab as an act of subversion to "colour" this homogenous streetscape and white supremacist area. Although there were a few stares from the stuffies, the butcher didn't bat any eyelids :)

I'm not sure why I do these things but I just do. I guess I can't stand unfairness and intolerance of minorities and my libra bits can't stand injustice...and I guess being non confrontational it's my way of saying "Screw You!". I guess I always identify with and like to stand up for the underdog...

My Chemical...Free Lifestyle.

I know that title would have rung better in the ears as "My Chemical Romance" but I'm not a fan of the band and I definitely don't have any kind of love relationship with chemicals! :p

So anyway it's been a solid 2 months that I've been on a chemical free lifestyle...well at least in what I'm ingesting....full organics...wow my food bills alone are enough to make any working man's pocket cry!

But I'm not complaining. Even during the massive stints or weird limitation diet, it's all been very delicious- amazing how much so actually when you get back to basics...and the natural flavours of food and simple combinations just like how nature intended. I also don't think vegetarianism is difficult at all...I rarely find that I crave meat, probably because it's pretty easy to get anough nutrients from superfoods like quinoa alone...lol, my latest favourite food discovery.

In any case yesterday in my biggest misdemeanour from a "good, healthy" diet yet...I ended up downing a double gelato- and boy did that feel good, lol! (Even though it's winter)...In any case, at least it was really chemical free...actually the coconut flavour was pretty strong...I'm not sure how much I like old coconuts, I guess that is the South East Asian-ness in me...we like our coconuts young and green! Meanwhile I am still waiting for someone to develop a good Open Drinking Coconuts machine...an all in one no fuss, low fuss kind of deal for uncos scared of huge big cleavers like me! Back to the gelato though, texture wise it was pretty good- no gross icey or sugary inconsistencies! There was a while back there in youth actually that I ate so much gelato and had to try all the different flavours and all the different shops that my friend encouraged me to become a gelato reviewer...obviously that never happened, just cos I was too lazy to make a site and write up reviews...but I'll give you good feedback if you ever want an opinion...I've always wished there were some good commerical purposes for some of my (very few) but unique and not widely applicable abilities...having incredibly sensitive and discerning tastebuds would be one of them...Masterchef contenders-eat your heart out! However do not invite me into an onion chopping contest. I'll end up crying doubly!

So anyway it was a pretty nice day yesterday relative cos I spent most of it with my two closest gfs left in this city...and not only that we took an extended time out to just chat. I was really amazed that we got away with going awol without being reprimanded for so long- sometimes you find kind souls and kindred spirits in the most unexpected of places^^! Anyway it was one of those in depth chat sessions I really probably have needed for a while. And I heard one of the most interesting stories of my friend's birth that I will definitely file into my top 10 of most intriguing real life things- still at no1 I for me would probably be the guy who grew up with his family living under a bridge for 2 years! Just cos I never met anyone who has done that before!

In other things I feel a bit sorry for one of my doctors. LOL, I think he gets the bad end of the stick in terms of Scorpios being quite unrelenting, dogged and persistent...just won't take no for an answer! I'm sure he was thinking, boy these people just don't give up! And no I wasn't looking for a date, H.O, lol...I'm not THAT fun and unpredictable!

HOWEVER. I was on the net last night and I'm sure if my dad's eyesight were any good he would have thought...wow, my daughter has finally lost her marbles! Cos I was perusing all these "beauty" types sites, not cos I finally succumbed to Barbie-doll ness, rather that I'm on the verge of trying to consolidate my chemical free lifestyle moving towards absolutely no more chemical nasties in the things that my skin absorbs... and I do need quite a bit of sunscreen right now ;)

So anyway, the final last twist of the last day or so is that I might have to be closer to shores for my 3-0 yet...which I haven't dared mention to my friend across the Tasman who was hoping I'd be there to make her daily life a little less drudgery! So anyway that's requiring another alternative backup plan cos the last thing I want is to be stuck in this damn city for it!

And finally, in my meet a new person a week project (which I am starting to think knowing my antisocial like to homebody alone tendencies, was a little ambitious...)...I might actually be meeting for the first time a blogging friend in real life since he's in town! So that could be fun/interesting. I think if there weren't an a shared MUSIC interest and curiosity about INTJs, I probably wouldn't have entertained being that social....yep, I still feel guilty about being too lazy and chicken to meet up with Dina...

So anyway to conclude this extensive self indulgent self entertaining ramble, all things considered....my life never has been and still never gets...boring. And for that, I am somewhat grateful! :)

P.S My Secret Confession: I actually really find the Mozilla Dinosaur very cute. If I was actually a bonafide geek and had more need for more "stuff", I would so totally donate to that open fund just to get the character on a tshirt which I would use as pajamas just so there wouldn't be the shame of outing myself as a cuteness geek on the street...sucker, I know.

By all accounts...

"you've led a wretched existence."

After hearing my entire life history and events, that is definitely the common immediate thought of external parties but most are too tactful and sensitive to actually verbalise...but I 'hear' their thoughts anyway...

I wouldn't say I've had it the worst by any accounts of the human experience but yeah people never quite believe when I say "I've been through ALOT" so then when they hear my entire life story they find themselves surprised to come to agreement...how can someone so young have been through so much? Especially not living in a war torn third world country with no starvation etc etc?!

Everythings possible unless the chance is zero anyway...only our beliefs set limitations...and some of us just defy any kind of stereotyping...bigtime ;)

So anyway, I'm not surprised that I find it hard to connect with other humans especially ones my age as few you would encounter out and about in normal life would share any of the same unusual character building experiences.

In any case I was reflecting on the past week which has taken another 2 casualties by association and pulverised bits of them to smithereens...and it occurred to me, boy am I THANKFUL I am so mind dominant...cos F dominants really can't take much-before long, their emotions take over and consume them. If I was an F dominant, I am not sure how I would have managed to get so far reasonably in tact actually.

I think what happens is that as a T dominant it is easy to just shut out or rationalise unpleasantness. If anything it is almost like there is an ability to completely detach from the unpleasantness and observe as an objective party rather than go into the experience personally-it's almost like splitting into two selves perhaps as Tolle touches on in the beginning of "The Power of Now". Also I think after some exposure to hardships, one becomes somewhat tougher, hardened, innured, compared to say, a freshie who has always had smooth sailing.

In any case challenges lay great foundations for development especially spiritually, character-wise and personally. I guess I feel a bit guilty pulling others along for the ride, but in a way I can't say there isn't some positivity in seeing others develop as a result of their experiencing challenge by association.

The Art of Penpalship!

Is "penpalship" even a word? I am too lazy to verify.

Anyway I'm quite excited lately because since it struck me how impersonal and unnatural the modern world and modern society is in almost all today's manifestations, I've been drawn to rectify that in some part, in my own little microcosm...ie I've made snail mail penpals out of some of my good friends overseas...and let's face it, it's a little more effort than email but it's so much fun getting letters!

So yes along with my meet one new person a week project, I think it will help me feel more connected to other human beings. I think it's something much needed for almost every INTJ!

Where've you BEEN?!!

asked one of my mates.

"I was spaceship surfing between Venus and Jupiter when I fell off!" was my reply.

Yup, it's been just that kind of time-incredibly off the planet-especially this week...absolutely BIZARRE! But at least I can't complain of being bored...

Chaos and DOOM.

Okay, just being a dramatic Scorpio...

it's been a pretty challenging year, one thing after another...perhaps the Queen's legendary "annus horribilis" speech comes to mind...

and also the beginning of THE POWER OF NOW...wasn't it in his 29th year that Eckhart Tolle had his lighthouse moment...and then went on to become one of the modern world's greatest spiritual teachers from the realizations gained?

So, maybe something GOOD actually comes from all of this...definitely in the most trivial kind of microcosmic way I think that all of these experiences to date definitely makes one a better healer...

In any case I just thought it an interesting similarity that I'm in my 29th year and if so far this year is any indication, this is definitely one of those spiritually illuminating kind of years with some of the most unusual occurrences and bizarrre coincidences going on- this week alone has been pretty unusual! I really feel as if I'm entering a new era, a very spiriutually oriented one - complete with a very different mindset and approach to living.

One New Person A Week.

It was a pretty bizarre day. Tiring but not unpleasant. The weirdness started in the morning when I was catching the bus and a random voice? thought? entered my head...that I am so disconnected from the world and other human beings and am getting way too comfortable in my own head as an introverted hermit. And so that I should go meet someone new. So I did! Thankfully I'm not traumatised. And maybe, practice makes perfect!

So anyway this is one of my new projects. If it's anything like today, I'm sure it will be a very interesting project!!!