Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Ye of Little Faith: On True Friends

Having undergone so many scintillating trials and tribulations proportionate to my years worthy of a trash serial equivalent of a mystery novella, I realize this is probably why I have retained so few friends…Troubles are THE best “test” for whether a friend is real - a keeper or not- sorts the wheat from the chaff…and at the end of the day what I find is that most of your “friends” will dissolve into oblivion as soon as there is any sign of trouble to them by association because suddenly you are no longer in any position to be the entertaining arm accessory, impressive conversation piece or refreshing zing to a party.

What I find most “friends” fall into is that of those people who like you as “social padding” eg: you equal social glorification eg the more people to attend farewell drinks or birthday parties the better they look. The more people to validate them with internet postings the better they look. The more “cool” people they are connected to the better they look. All about “face”:rather like why Facebook has made it big- at the end of the day most people only care for most others as much as it validates their own existence on stage, something which seems so shallow and ingenuine and self-centred, none of which are qualities I dignify.

Real friends stand by you through thick and thin:

They are the ones to cry with you when you cry. To give you an arm to lean on when you hobble around.

They have your best interests at heart and are not armed with sus ulterior motives. (Yes there are two other famous categories of friend I seem to encounter: the one that you are “useful” to and as soon as you stop being useful there ends the “friendship” or the one who just wants to get down your pants and bails as soon as they realize that road’s a dead end).

Real friends are the first to respond and volunteer help whether it be needing an ear vent in the midst of crisis, dirty hard labour on moving day, meal deliveries when you are sick or ensuring you shelter when you have no place to go.

Fake friends typically remember to get in touch once or twice a year typically on their birthdays, their farewell drinks or their weddings. These are the people I dump without regret and am grateful for the wasted space in my life that I can claim back for more worthwhile endeavours. Maybe I am idealistic and I have too high expectations but at the end of the day I stand my ground:

I have no time of day for fake or lesser friends – they don’t deserve friends as good as me.

It never ceases to surprise how selfish and thoughtless of others the average person is. Which is probably why I’m starting to really appreciate people of faith and religion. At least on the whole we are a bunch of people who still nurture and practice values which makes us much more decent human beings.


Franko Gnedo said...

Unfortunatley I am begining to understand what you mean. Last friday night there were farewell drinks at work. I quite liked the lady who was leaving although I did'nt know her well. Anyway I thought it a good opportunity to challenge my ultimate introvert character. I planned to meet people and talk. A group ended up at a bar. The group however all seemed so superficial talking behind each others backs. The people in the bar also seemed superficial, the guys checking out the looks of the girls and the girls seeming to be on the look out for rich successful men. It all seemed about what you can do for me. It made me think where are all the genuine loving caring people? Maybe I was just looking in the wrong place. Today when I took the kids to swimming lessons I noticed a couple of ladies assisting a very disabled girl to swim. They seemed to have a caring loving attitude. Maybe it is in those caring professions that people with a loving attitude congregate.

Wittnessing the interactions of the group and people at the bar made me feel almost insanely innocent. That bar is not the world I would like to live in. Lately I have been reading my daughter Milo and Otis at bedtime. That beautiful innocent world is where I want to be.

By the way I took the kids to church on Sunday :)

HappyOrganist said...

internet postings - woohoo!


well at least you now know why I hang around here. (like to hang out with cool people)
but if you're threatening to become boring soon, I don't know... I may have to stick with Dina.

Hope you get feeling better soon (that's quite the vent).

markymark2099 said...

Lol :P Booo!! Man Japan lost on penalties, so sad :(

zhen said...

Can I just say I LOVE ALL THREE OF YOU even PAST the "blazing glory" you give me in reading my blog? haha! :)
and that's no small compliment, lol

i wrote a whole lot to each of you initially but hey sometimes I don't want to shower all the gory details of my whole life on the blog so pared back version:

LOL FG I completely relate on the "innocent" feeling...i still remember the first few days of shock horror of having all my idealistic bubbles burst in the big city....and the security guard that entertained me with stories of "citizen policing" eg apprehending would be thieves with spearfishing guns as he escorted me "the dumb ass" to my door(probably the last really decent human being I remember meeting in the big city).

funny you should mention milo and otis...that is a movie I really remember cos I think that may have been the first movie my big bro took me to as a child and possibly where I developed an enduring love for the cutey pug look despite everybody around me always insisting they are ugly as hell to this day.

HO...me, boring?? a test ;)

I must say tho I sure am getting practitioner withdrawal-man being a patient is the pits...and all my patients...lost...suck. i think my dad will let me stick him when i'm better :)

M, I guess I'm going for the Ghanians now? they dance well :) I so can't believe I am grounded AGAIN at world cup time I heard it was great fun at live site in DH but VERY COLD. oh well at least i have a very nice large flat screen tv to catch the action...

Dina said...

Beautiful post!!

Crap. Now I sound like a spam message.

I am so tired of all the fake "friendships".

I think true friends are EXTREMELY rare. Honestly, after reading your post though....it makes me wish we were friends. Maybe we will be someday (rather than just blogger acquaintances).

zhen said...

D, that would be cool. Next time you come down under hopefully we can meet up :)

Evil Shannanigans said...

I have exactly one friend who fits all of your criteria, and she is the only one I would call a true friend. I agree that everyone else is in it for something else. That's why I like online buddies. It's a give and take with no expectations.