Sometimes when you just want to run...

maybe all you really need to do is to manifest that physically....And Go for a run!

I did that for the first time in years and it felt good...some how running seems to be one of those things where you are able to capture that elusive sensation of true freedom even if just for a moment and forget everything else. Sigur Ros's Gong also seems to encompass that for me...so put two together and it's pretty effective :) I think I might try and incorporate this into my daily routine.

Before in my old town I used to just walk and walk under the stars at whatever time(because I could) until I could think no more...however round these parts you can't get too far before you literally hit a brick wall or a traffic light and you wouldn't try it at odd hours because you don't want to find yourself being the untimely headline of the next day :P.

It's not easy to get any kind of peace in these parts. Even when I tried to get some deep breaths and more passive meditative quiet time to myself doing some yoga stretches in the park two pit bull terriers started circling me!

To jump all over the place, the concept of figurative running-escape got me thinking, especially of all my various wanderlusty nomad friends over the years who are now scattered across the globe in God knows where doing God knows what...why do some people travel and travel and can never seem to settle in any one spot or circumstance...most of us always seem to be running...what are we all running from? What are we so scared of?

Lately for me it's been limitations, hardships...which has been manifesting as a slightly reckless complete disregard for all responsibilities with a hefty consumption of unnecessary reading and audio/visual material without looking at the bills or thinking about future consequences...

When I start doing that, it's very evident that I'm having some kind of "crisis". "Drug me up!" I said to the herbalist today caving...

Typical of my random interactions with random people I got talking to the dispensary who suddenly says to me

"What star sign are you? I think you are really similar to me: I'm a Scorpio."

I had to crack a grin...a taste of my own medicine- so refreshing and so taken off guard.

"Why do you think that?" I asked, intrigued.

"Because...you're Mysterious...and interesting."

LOL, talk about fishing for compliments? ;)

Anyway our conversation ensued very entertaining for me really to have a taste of my own medicine...all the things I spew out of my own mouth...the same conclusions, advices etc...

However our conversation was rudely interrupted by some seedy old man...who was very persistent in pestering about a "deer penis". "Deer Tail!" we kept trying to correct him. "Deer Penis" he kept saying- honestly I started to feel my irritation rise...I can't stand these horny old men who reduce the entirety of our craft down to some kind of Cheaper Viagra Subtitute. Besides feeling peeved I actually feel kinda sorry for these sad old men who desperately cling to what they once were thinking they can just boil up some hapless animal part thinking they can suddenly be transformed into a God with almighty powers or something :P

A finally nice surprise for me today was having one of my "peeps" call from overseas! Immediately the dark and negative vibes started to melt away as if stunned by a ray of sunshine. It's such a relief to talk to one of your peeps when you feel all alone and crisis-ing and they are so damn far away.

"Peeps" are invaluable especially the ones who can be bothered to stay in touch despite the space-time challenges. In keeping with the current astrological climate my friend who very understandably almost had a severe case of crisis induced meltdown managed to stave it off nicely by being able to get her Arctic pal on the line at 4am in the morning! I can't help but think friends like these are GOLD (or probably Platinum and Flawless natural pink Diamonds ;) but unfortunately they are way too rare...

The other day when I was facing the brunt of my technological chaos and fallout and really could have used a Geek around, some dude suggested that I would never ever have technological issues again if I just found any old geek and was willing to "put out". Yes, these are the kind of people I have to put up with day in day out....blergh.

The Always something for something types no RAOK at all just me me me...do you blame me for being cynical and disillusioned?

A-N-G-S-T

My b'day twin and I were daydreaming escapes. Hers involved travelling all over the world and learning that culture's national dance...India! We both agreed that would be fun. Also some good old fashioned bootscooting and linedancing in some country hick place.

Mine varies from day to day- today I imagined being kidnapped by some fur hooded eskimos on a sled dragged by huskies across the Arctic circle or having some Swiss grandpa with a fortune founded in chocolate adopt me as some kind of prodigal son.

My birthday twin concludes...I just seriously need a) a holiday and b) decent SLEEP/peace/rest/quiet.

I concur...oh and some wholesome company where rather than my usual thought of "ick/urgh go away I don't want to know you" I can think "wow you are so cool, I actually want to know you".

Disillusionment, Old Fogey!

There is something seriously wrong with the young generation these days...being saturated in youngsters and baby and young souls I'd been thinking that for some time but it REALLY HIT HOME today when a "nice" girl asked me if it was okay to work in a brothel?

And it also seems like every second person is cheating on their partners...and I think because it is so common these days, nobody bats an eyelid much else cares.

I guess not only am I an old fart with old school moral structures but I'm also too sensitive.

However, I'm still really hoping I can escape this devoid & derelict social environment soon...however maybe that's just called Escaping Reality, lol.

Oh April...

You make me wish I were a bear...with Yogi and Boo Boo!

How handy it would be to be able to hibernate away the entire month every year, lol!

On the bright side, I had a good music day today. Just found out The National's new album HIGH VIOLET is set to come out soon, so that's pretty anticipatory...

Looking forward to adding a cd or two to my collection tomorrow^^

What would I do without music?!!! My Salvation. When I can't get to the beach...

In Character

I was at a bustop, head carefully wrapped in Cambodian Hijab, dark glasses and Indian shirt while an old man in a suit armed with a big suitcase and a thick Eastern European accent raved like a lunatic next to me almost running across a traffic congealed street to get some P platers to turn their headlights on. When the bus finally came, some police got on for a "bus inspection".

I really felt like a character in a Jim Jarmusch film. At least it's never boring.

How do you deal?

Those of you with "extra" powers...

I completely have to shut off from the world of people, and recuperate...

Otherwise I'm like a constantly buzzing telecommunications tower!

In any case, interesting astrological atmosphere right now- some seriously interesting things in line with this transit have been happening all around...

Bizarre.

Freedom Is...

*Eating Steamed banana cake and buttermilk icecream for dinner :)
*Going anywhere on a Whim.
*Coming through the door and heading to bed.
*Being able to talk while you're eating.
*Being able to walk around naked.
*Feeling the breeze through your hair in a convertible.
*Paragliding over water with snowcapped peaks in the horizon.
*Squelching your toes in wet sand while the waves lap at your feet.
*Being able to create art.
*Listening to music loud at any time of day.
*Eating a family block size of chocolate all by yourself.
*Being a child swung through the air.
*Being a dog off their leash.
*Being a cat scaling walls.
*Being able to let go of your past...
*Being Yourself.

And just being able to take an easy breath. INHALE. EXHALE.

A few days reprieve. Just in time to travel to the edges of sanity^^ ^^ ^^!

Toodooloo, Suckers!

Moving Forward. Moving Forward.

I really want to see the movie "ADAM" cos I think I am not unlike an Aspie sometimes.

In any case New Pastures. New Horizons. Just waiting for the practicalities to fall into place eg...time, money...no more noose like studies around my neck.

Change...why does it always instil FEAR. Someone's Kidneys need tonifying, lol.

Anyway, back to burning the midnight oil even though it's midday :P With any luck I will be escaping to a fantastic acreage in some days to come- just to recover some sanity and recuperate these laboured Lungs....People who chain smoke, I Despise you All! If I had God-like powers I'd banish you all to live in a locked up chimney for the rest of your lives! And give you Chinese dripping water on forehead torture so you'd never be able to sleep again-only then would you appreciate the torture you inflict on others!!! :-PPP

Did you ever feel like...

you got thrust into this world without all the tools and resources you really need to survive easily?

Or that the world is moving too fast and that you can't keep up yet fathom or adapt to all the latest?

In any case I turned to my stones for some comfort...smoky quartz and of course my dolphin stone- right over the heart chakra and that is just where it felt it needed to be :)

p.s Pegs, sorry technologically handicapped at the mo, you can google larimar or dolphin stone to get an idea- Izzy just wired a stone bead up for me simply- no flash design element, exactly what I wanted!

Rock Bottom

I'm soooo drained. Nothing left. Yet I need energy sufficient to climb a mountain. My rational brain wonders how the hell am I supposed to summon from reserves that are so lacking? And meet so many demands...

PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and sleep! Good night.

I really need some Divine help to come up with some magic. Angels??? This girl NEEDS you.

From Oooooh to (Ye)Owch!!!

I was woken way too early this morning by a suspicious buzz. Since the buzzer did not bother buzzing again, I just rolled over and went back to sleep...

Later, on opening my mailbox I found an exciting package! Contained within which was one of the most beautiful stones I have ever seen in my life^^!

And not only that when I took it into my hand, the sheer energy that radiated from that stone was just...AMAZING! So Made My Day!!! So that was the Oooooh from today. Thanks very much for my beautiful dolphin stone pendant Izzy!

Later since I was in the area, I finally ventured into the Traditional Thai Massage place a patient recommended me. I don't usually like massages but with more than my fair share of stress levels through the roof (protracted) I thought I probably needed it...

In any case it was my first time, I had heard people stand on your back but I just thought, I'm so little they can't squish me! WOW. So painful, so STRONG-where do people get so much Brute Force??!!! So that was my YeeeOwch!!! for the day.

And I think I have bruises and scars. And not to be biased but I honestly think Traditional Chinese massage is more therapeutic- I guess it depends on whether your problem is internal or purely muscular tension- if the latter then maybe Thai's the way to go...

Takes a Small Breath...

*and holds*

I think my biggest issue has been resolved to functionality so although I'm tired as hell and look like worn out shit from the past couple of weeks, I think maybe I can actually sleep soundly and start making progress again, this girl has been stopped in her tracks too long...and at the hectic pace I keep, it's FRIGGIN stressful! In any case, some comfort in this relief...

May this pave the way for a GOOD lucky streak again...Boy do I MISS!!!

p.s an interesting possible opportunity popped up this week...it's looking more and more likely like I will be spending my Summer here in the Northern Hemisphere for a little bit of an extended period...oops, me and my big mouth! We'll see...everything is like liquid right now- too dynamic and changing with every wave, so we'll see how the year pans out...

We Scorpios do it tough in April :-P

Or at least it seems to be a recurring noticeable pattern for me. Oh well finally one positive bit of happening...my excellent yoga teacher who just disappeared and went AWOL for 6 months or more just suddenly came BACK! Yoga class was sooooo good. Haven't had a satisfying yoga class since she went AWOL. It's like my Yang qi finally came back or something...whatever the case, it's helping me hold it altogether despite being surrounded by chaos and doom(okay, that's an exaggeration, but it's been pretty bad!!! In all honesty...)

My B'day Twin said it best when she said "I feel like crying right now", lol...and then her nose started bleeding....and wouldn't stop until she rectified her karma...lol.

In any case it's some comfort to have very similar biorhythms to another...she rocked up looking like worn out shit today, exactly how I felt...and then we had exactly the same taste and appetite- that was pretty handy cos we didn't need to waste time compromising or negotiating on where we wanted to eat...

Oh I got to the beach again...that was the other best thing that happened all month. And that's about all I have to report on the positive side...(I'll spare the details on the doom and gloom)...
what's that saying? "It could be worse." So I'm not complaining!!!

Cheers :)

On the money!

Daily horoscope that is...

The Moon in Pisces conjuncts Jupiter today, making this a good time to explore dreams and visions. You could benefit from time spent near water today. Visit the beach, take a bath, or go for a streamside walk. Your intuition should be operating at full capacity, so make the most of it!Your Horoscope - April 11, 2010
How hard you must work to achieve your purposes, Z! It's as though you were carrying around an overstuffed sandbag, and each step costs you a huge effort! This would be a good day to identify the source of the trouble. Ask yourself whether you're not sabotaging yourself, because your unconscious is resisting the goals you've set so deliberately. You have a deep inner mystery to solve...

Okay that's it I'm headed to the beach, lol (which is what I always crave but rarely manage to get to do anyway :P

Sorry I am a crap blogger these days - no time or energy reserves...

Is Stuffing Face With Chocolate...

Only way to deal with STRESS!!!??

The other day a random stranger asked me how did I spend my Easter? LOL I just burst out laughing...

"Compensation reaction" I explained.

A Hermit for Easter

It hit me today what the main problem is besides Sheer Exhaustion, Stress and Sleep Deprivation with accompanying dysfunctionality.

I have had waaaay TOO MUCH social activity lately and the reality is that an 89% (tested) Introvert, just can't HACK so much social stuff!!!

So I bid you all a Happy Easter and retreat to my Cave where internet and phones and other people don't exist for a few days...*phew!

May you all get a nice load of good chocolate, and don't worry, chocolate is actually GOOD for your teeth^^!

Uncharitable Rants

Okay maybe I got drained by patients but I'm feeling cranky so in the tradition of this week here we go with a list of what is pissing me off currently:

>How the digital era has flooded the market with too much crap photography with amateurs who just excessively Photoshop and crop and think this constitutes saleable art.

>Spambots who like to projectile vomit daily comments about Viagra and New York Escort Girls.

>People who are control freak, anal and domineering and won't let people have their own unique opinions.

>Selfish and inconsiderate people, and people who just have no idea...

>People who have no imagination and thus cannot put themselves in other people's shoes.

>People who can't think outside of a box and can't cope with people who think outside of a box.

>Neighbours who feel a need to chain smoke at erratic wee hours.

>The Drongos that overwhelmingly inhabit my immediate geography.

In any case as you can see, I'm sick of being "nice and tolerant" - it hardly seems fair that it's always up to just a few people to raise the bar...It's really unintuitive... more like a conscientious effort.

No energy for it at the moment. Despite the rants, everything's Ooooo- Kay, I guess, just*busy* and still feels like I'm swimming against a tide. I'm dreaming of the Swiss Alps, peace and quiet...I don't know but I just feel that Switzerland = civilised...

I have no idea how I will deal without my usual Easter escape-arghhhh!