Throwing in the Towel with those born post 1955 or so...

So anyway ironically for this grandpa yet another weekend I am pulling out *slightly*...TRASHED, after keeping hours more akin to a teen...I guess hedonism knows no boundaries, age, geography or otherwise lol...I will go all out to indulge my passions and interests especially during the summer when I am not so frozen that my little "pieds" can't move myself places like off the couch, lol.

So...I just emerged from a 10 hour recovery after being out and about for over 24hours...and got maybe 3 hours sleep in a 36 hour period.

Saw a great live music gig which was EXACTLY what I needed after a horrible time attempting to extend an olive branch by a rare "getting to know" my own alien generation...so anyway, as usual for me these days post gig I got chatting to an old guy...hmmm he must have been in his 70s since his granddaughter was just 25...anyway it was FANTASTIC to be able to talk culture, SHARED interests, passions and think-resonate rather than be met with the usual blank empty stares and have a similar enthusiasm and flowing easy conversation of opinions for mine to be met with...ANYWAY basically after that he helped me to conclude that my interests and mentality are just nothing shared by Gen X/Y but rather of OLD people...so basically I got a peace in my heart to just 99% give up on trying such semblances of normality of hanging with my own generation range and engage 100% in whatever lack of convention that floats my boat such as associating with the granny generation and being a total eccentric kook! :)

Anyway it felt good to have that validation in the observation from a complete random stranger...I have always associated with much older people since I can remember and been observed that I am "mature" for my age group but in the past year or so meeting cool people closer to DOUBLE my age or more in my life have been just non-stop whether I am in retirement dense populations or not! I would have to say in the past few months I have met at least 20 really cool dudes of a variety of ages born prior to 1955...for whatever reason they just feel like at least a true EQUAL I can talk to and in that sense it is much easier because I find it so hard to find people I don't feel are BABIES or that I can admire and respect nearer my own generation...

Okay FG just in case you are reading there is one noticeable anomaly to this rule observation...I have noticed that for some reason males born in the period 1969-1970 I tend to get on with, but typically asian-ised ones or ones that really appreciate asian culture...oh and eccentric/quirky non generic weirdo misfits of any generation are usually always good...yup I guess that covers my favourite peeps in Utah! LOL

FINALLY I hear rain....thank goodness for a reprieve from this heat and humidity. Actually as I was chatting to one of these overseas "uniques" this morning it was interesting to hear the pre dawn early morning wake up twitter of birds...when I heard THAT I realised it was time I'd better be getting to bed! LOL...who can blame me if I end up taking a few days to get back into normal day night cycles again...

Oh two more revelations I had...I met some stereotypical super nerds...so I realise I am SO not the NERD I've fantasised or like to make myself out to be (rather I was just wanting to be in my usual subversive reaction to the dominant anti-nerd culture here)....but I am NOTHING like stereotypical nerds mentally....nothing in common...stereotypical nerds can actually be so narrow minded they are actually boring and rigid or rather limited in their ability to think outside a square/creatively or to be open to other ways of thinking... Typical for me I fall into neither nerd or non nerd...i think I exist totally on my own planet of...perhaps..UBERCOOL, lol...perhaps a bit like The Little Prince, hehe. I think it is typical for super introverts to be so involved and self absorbed with their niche things that they can easily stop being able to relate to anybody that lives on the dominant planet.

In recent days I felt that my life is so unusual and surreal I felt like I had stepped out of "The Matrix" or similar as the normal world or rather society around me just seems so alien...and I'm still not quite adjusting. I feel very detached and that there is no overlap between my concerns and their concerns. Then when I had been up for so long and only half lucid and was chatting to my mate overseas waiting for my hair to dry I really felt like I was the mad hatter from Alice in Wonderland spouting non stop rambling gobbledigook that I was so impressed he was able to keep up with and not shut down completely or even continue the conversation...

I guess I like old people cos that is about the only time I am reassured that I still hail from the species "homo sapiens", lol...

Did bygone eras just have more CLASS?

I'm thinking Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and all the men...can't think of the names...

I'm just wondering cos I'm definitely weird and strange for my era but I still get on GREAT with people typically 60 and over and well with anybody nearing 50 and over.

One of them suggested it's cos today's society is CLASSLESS.

So does that mean I have CLASS? ;) ;)

...Don't argue with your elders! LOL

Classification: Boyly Girl...

A guy gave me this nickname some years ago...I realise he totally had it right...cos although I love to hang out with the boys I'm not the rude crude dirty mouthed dirty minded burpy beer guzzling stinky farters they are...I am however EXTREMELY BLUNT&HONEST. Which puts women on the off...and offends their sensitivities...

I think when I was younger and more brimming buzzing full of energy, perhaps I did roll more with the boys like a true tomboy might. But now I'm just a scaredy cat GIRL that just likes to tag along and OBSERVE all the scary, sometimes brave but often stupid things that men by virtue of their male ego and lack of forethought do...it's fun :)!

Not to mention I'd rather go to a soccer match above almost all girl-preferred things anyday!

However the key area where my unique boyly disposition truly seems to shine is that area of not just cross cultural inter-relations but rather cross-gender inter-relations...I find as somewhat of a "social bridge" between the genders I am most often called upon by the average person to "explain or intuit" the opposite sex! Typically...women ask me to decipher the internals of men's minds-age old question "does he like me does he like me or WHAT DOES THIS MEAN"...on the other hand I find I am the unconfident slightly socially inadequate man's best comfort to getting more adroit in being better able to deal with those women they have their eye on but have no idea how to pickup...I think rather charitable as being a kind of "mock training ground" for them to practice and rehearse and work on their moves and strategies, lol

In any case I don't mind it so much, as long as these people provide for interesting friends...It's quite satisfying to see little blooms I have tended grow and develop...lol and a much better way to use my "psychologist" hobby than on bonafide fruitcakes!

To round out this post I must say that I am really enjoying these little European fortune cookies that you get in BACI chocolates...I especially liked the first wrapper I pulled- very obviously by a German(Schopenhauer)...haha

Quien es amigo de todos no es amigo de nadie.

Qui est ami de tous ne l'est de personne.

A friend to all is a friend to none.

(And yes, I think that's what you find with most of the current generation and local culture these days...loyalty is a dying virtue in this fast paced shallow dog eat dog get ahead world...)

Out of the three languages which I know a bit...definitely I have to say I like the Spanish language best(verbal/text are both good)...French a close second(verbal good text more hassle), although I do like the relative brevity and succinctness of the English here....

anyway that is just my 2c on language, gender relations and loyalty today....ciao!

Linear Time

So it finally struck me this obsession everyone seems to have with linear time... perhaps best reflected by that issue of AGE...cos I guess I've felt so old inside my whole life... that it's always been like a serious WAITING GAME for the rest of my peers to "catch up"! Suddenly though it dawned on me that perhaps I am starting to look a bit older on the outside and not only do I feel old and somewhat mature inside but even on the OUTSIDE! Oh and also that it is a gravity orientated and linear process...ie the only way is...forward and DOWN! Hello...wrinkles and white hair- arghhhh! (Okay not quite there yet but I can imagine...)

So I was just reflecting on how, now, with such a realisation I might adjust things in my life? Cos the other thing with linear human time is that there is a definite end point too!

Apart from that I'm really starting to enjoy the arranging fresh cut flowers in vases in my house thing...it's actually kind of disconcerting to realise (and admit) I am sooo turning into a...Girrrrl!!

Anyway my belly calls...need to go COOK! Eh the life of domesticated bliss...gotta love it! ;)

Just be You.

I don't know why there is such a need to define all the time with me...maybe it is my INTJ which loves all the labelling and neat categorization and compartmentalization think...SHELDON from Big Bang! :D

Anyway my city slicker friends call me country bumpkin but then I know REAL country bumpkins that like talking about cows all day ;) (That ain't me...LOL)

Also even my music taste...lately I've been indulging my taste for the electro sound listening to the unique experimental style of one of my music heroes MARTIN DOSH and the electropop of CUT COPY....hardly country bumpkin fare, more like the teenybopsters of any major metro city!!

So yeah I need to learn how to accept being neither full black nor white and just live with the speckled egg of white black and grey that is ALL me as well as the yellow-white banana thing I have happening, lol...innate complexity is a good thing...just cos most people don't seem to have this...it's okay to be a super minority...would be nice to live in a country and culture where more INs existed though...and to be understood by a majority rather than a very teeny tiny rare spark of genius, lol...

Late Bloomer

I wonder at what age people really know what they want. I think I want a lot of things...and ALL of them! However it only just hits me(ie I finally only got realistic, lol) that true to my multilevelled multidimensional multifaceted complexity having ALL those things simultaneously is not possible! I wonder at what age I reach for a compromise...

I guess when you have this dilemma it is not a solvable one that you should even bother wasting thinking energy on. I'm just going with whatever path God opens up for me especially since all the plans I make never ever seem to work out...but seriously considering all my different interests and pulls in all different directions it sure is going to be an interesting one and a real surprise...I guess I never was very good at prioritising or making outright choices, lol. So lucky I can choose God and his path and choices for me...thank God at least one thing is straightforward and solved!!!

It's been just over a year my whole life changed and got turned upside down. Strangely amidst the chaos I'd have to say I'm pretty contented with how "life" is...perhaps I'm only just discovering what "life" is!!! :D

Going Crazy with the Full Moons

That's IT. I am now keeping track of the moon cycle with a moon calendar...so then I can just dig a hole and hide in it until the weird crazy energy has passed...

No idea why I feel them so so intensely these days...maybe it's all the earthquake disturbances or something.

Okay so I need 27 acres...

That is how much land you need in order to not be able to see any neighbours apparently!!! 11 HECTARES. Yikes.

Sheesh what a huge ask to get a bit of quiet and privacy...I wouldn't even know how to maintain that much land...

But in the meantime I guess I need to start entering lotto, lol...

Happy Little Bubble

One good friend is better than a mass of crap ones...thus Miss Piggy and Kermit, Smurf and Smurfette, Cowboy and CitySlicker. Not lacking problematic issues by ANY MEANS but all the chosen cheer and good humour ping pong reverberates and amplifies nicely :D For that I am thankful. In an era of such negativity and negative people, it's good that some people can still laugh and smile.

On some trivial random notes...cos I love my signature random trivial musings:

after having not touched a Tim Tam in a significant period...I can honestly say that just one makes me feel like my mouth and teeth are rotting a thousand times over-eeek!

The other thing that I found disagreeable today was finding my hedges all TOTALLED by some icky little systemic bug that makes ugly bulbous infectious looking pustules all over the leaves...what a dilemma to CHEMICALLY SPRAY OR NOT TO SPRAY and let nature be nature? yuck yuck yuck.

One thing that is making me sadistically giggle somewhat is how much single men and single women seem to despise and detest and treat each other badly as a whole...I just find it so ironic that for the most part the two want to be so much together yet can't help but be poles and poles apart like magnetic repulsion. I am glad to not be part of the scene...

I'm finding myself wondering, wanting to know more about Rudolf Steiner...I must remember to borrow a book to read more about his life...

Another thought today was that LIFE IS....how would YOU complete this sentence?

For me it goes like this...LIFE IS....ONE NEVER ENDING TO-DO LIST!!! I think the only way to make peace with the unfinishable is to just be happy to say aim to cross five things off the list that is constantly dynamically burgeoning with new things each day...cos otherwise...there just never IS enough time! I was calculating the hours I clock up attempting to keep my house in check and i was thinking sheesh....even being a so-so "housewife" is a seriously full time job!

What Constitutes a REAL Christian anyway?

This is the big thought niggling me lately. I look around at people that call themselves Christians, people that attend church...they often don't always meet what I think constitutes a Christian. Most modern Christians I think are "pick and choose" Christians. Most fallen Christians are people that believe if God is omnipotent why did he let them suffer? Therefore he must not exist or he doesn't care about me so I don't care for him is what I often hear. I am so tired of these people who blame all their misfortunes on God without realising that suffering is an inherent part of human existence. Partly though I can't understand how people have such a shallow understanding of God...or maybe it is because Knowing God requires having a real relationship and not just being sent to Sunday school?

The Norwegian terrorist is identified as "Christian" but how can acts of murder be called Christian?

There is so much hypocrisy. Then all the factionism. No wonder there is so much disillusionment with Christianity these days. I understand why if you say you are a Christian alot of the time people's eyes narrow and look at you distrustfully. I think in this modern world...alot of people are messed up and Christians aren't immune.

It IS nice though those very rare few times you meet REAL Christians...I don't know if it's something that can necessarily be "defined" in these modern ages though...it's rather more perhaps like an energy that people radiate...that of the Holy Spirit...but then apparently not every Christian has the Holy Spirit permanently indwelling in them either...does that make them not a real Christian? I don't know...it's all very confusing.

I happened across a passage in the bible describing the end times...it mentioned "famine and earthquakes"...seems like we're in the midst of them then...

Ok, I have a thing for weirdos. I admit it!!!

Normal people are just...Boring. So if I am in any way especially fond of you, chances are you must be HIGH up there on the weirdo scale! LOL

Cheers weirdies :O)

Acceptance

There are two most powerful things a human can have in their arsenal to deal with the challenges that LIFE presents...

1) (in my humble opinion) is FAITH and a relationship with GOD...of course unless this awareness has been gifted to you you won't have it....but don't give up! All happens in the right time :)

2) The latter that follows...which we humans DO have control over is how we choose to behave and act. One of the most powerful behaviours a human can adopt I think is Acceptance. Acceptance of circumstances they can't change etc. Because once you accept, it means you can let go of attachment to thoughts of what might have been, what could have been, what might be, what will be...you relinquish your need to control and just connect to the present moment. And this is all we can be certain of...so we may as well enjoy each beautiful moment and just LIVE!

Clinking my glass to you! ♥ & Light *Zoe*! :)

Knowledge is Power or Ignorance is Bliss

I found myself pondering this dichotomy of sorts today...

I would say I have gathered a lot of knowledge however I'm not sure how powerful it is. I think the more you know, the more you FEAR which is completely disempowering...

I am more likely to hold to the Ignorance is Bliss. I guess it's that middle path thing, if I grew up in a primitive community without any education that would probably be not enough knowledge. However I've had the opportunity to have A LOT of education...I think too much...however can you ever have too much knowledge? I find myself with an insatiable thirst and appetite to know and know and know.

Maybe it's like that saying "Curiosity killed the Cat".

P.S more advice from another part of Europe "Drug yourself and get on a f* plane to Europe!" LOL, I wish...maybe I need to put this intention out into the universe...however I'm not sure if it's what I really want. I have no idea what I really want. This reeks of midlife crisis. Although I thought I'd been through that already? I guess I'm waaay ahead of my time LOL!

Welcome to Spatial Progression :)

Often when caught in times of STASIS I look around and wonder how others seem to make so much PROGRESS. They start at Point A and travel nicely along Point B, C, D, E, F, G....etc occasionally they might do something a bit exciting and skip H and I altogether while getting to K, but it's still incredibly neat...

Me however, it's like a tangled and chaotic web: I guess like everyone I started at Point A (Birth) but after B through E it all got a bit confused...I seemed to skip to Point M then back to C then onto W (a point most people only experience decades on)...anyway now I seem stuck back to D: WHY IS THAT?

Then I realise, while most people are making neat linear progress...although it seems like stasis at Point D for the umpteenth return trip, there's a reason...there's always a reason for everything that happens :)

I finally worked it out...my multiple visits to Point D amount to what is essentially SPATIAL progress...while everybody is travelling along nicely through M/N/O I am incredibly privileged to be peeking behind the hidden doors that few notice at point D: that is Point D squared, D cubed and whatever you call D to the fourth...lol is my inner numbers nerd that never peeped its head finally making a fashionable appearance?

So my concluding thoughts on this particular topic are...cool, wow. Exploring D squared and D cubed etc are a privilege that only few are made aware of...

MY life has never been and is NEVER boring!!!

Welcome to Spatial Progression :)

The Root of Greed?

A certain incident got me wondering...from where does greed stem? At first I thought it's a result of life experience eg people who had to struggle to survive and make ends meet can leave a residue of a greedy and grabbing disposition.

But then again, you have VERY rich people who perhaps if not greedy can be incredibly selfish and stingy...which doesn't make sense again!

So to conclude this circular wondering...I have no idea from where GREED stems from...perhaps it has nothing to do with social economic backgrounds as opposed to INSECURITY. Yup I think that's the root of it mostly. Great, I love writing and thinking to myself, things that were not apparent until I physically wrote them out suddenly resolve themselves without me needing to ask anybody-yay! LOL

They just think I'm weird...I'm STILL (im)patiently waiting for them to GROW UP!

LOL, who am I talking about? My Generation of course. THE EXTENDED ADOLESCENTS, lol I just came across this term recently and I think it aptly describes my entire generation.

In any case I was telling another old soul type around my age about my make three friends within 5 years of me either side this year goal-project and he didn't even say "Good Luck!" He just very matter of factly stated: "You need a Miracle."

LOL!!! Initially, as the ever hopeful optimist I took this as negative defeatism, however now I start to think maybe he was just being completely, realistically honest(which is most welcome in this era of Neptune in Pisces affliction ;)

So anyway yep. Still a huge chasm I feel with people vaguely my own age but maybe it is my geography since Oz is such a baby and young soul hot pot and the nearest metropolis is the worst offender. Maybe this chasm with my generation will never go away...maybe those NICE, OLD men I seem to meet and get chatting with so often that feel so natural to me, well...maybe in a few years I might consider them LOL...right now though the thought of being a stepmother to humans remotely close in age to me is really quite horrifying...

As my mother recently conceded "you need an OLD man." (if any :-p, her idea is always that women do). She advises 10 years MAX. Around 20 is what seems to hit the sweet spot in terms of true mental compatibility&connection though...but until I grow a few more white hairs, wrinkles and get some extra KGs it still looks terribly SUS being seen alone with them! :p

At the end of the day though, to be quite frank, I really do like my life the way it is right now(although a career again would be really nice too)....

Maybe I will never relate to people my own age? And maybe that's the way it's meant to be. Which is why my life has never EVER been boring!! :)

I can already guess it now-just cos this is how hilarious my life has always been...ironic... I'm going to end up with the complete reverse...a toyboy 10-20 years younger. You saw it here first!!! LOL of course I was just imagining the most amusing outcome...Young things suit my many planets in Libra though *wink*

In Randomness, I find...

Patterns!?

Someone recently asked me...do you find your life is like a movie? Yes! A Resounding Yes.

My Life...Has always been Very, Very Strange.

Full of the most odd coincidences and synchronicities and I seem to just...Attract Randomness! What does it all MEAN? I keep asking. But unfortunately nobody can just tell me...there are things you just need to work out for yourself. Maybe I am a conspiracy theorist but really my life IS very strange and I feel that within all of it there is some deep and meaningful Universe moving revelation in there somewhere which until I alone can work it out, will just be One Big Question Mark! It's like I'm a rat scampering many hidden passageways and opening hidden panels looking for a tiny golden key in a dark and cobblestoned grey crevice of My Castle.

So the latest weirdness was that I very randomly encountered three new random people this week...who have rather unusual names...the most interesting part being that I already only know exactly one set of people with these three same unusual names, if I pair each set of same unusual named people up...does it make any more sense? No! Can it be mere uncanny coincidence for the zillionth time or is there something The Universe is trying to draw my attention to?

I'm too puzzled. My head hurts. And I'm Tired, all of this constant overstimulation in addition to my usual hectic zillion things on the go, can just get a little overwhelming...

In Retrograde...

It's so weird it's like my astrology always really corresponds to life...things have been held back, slowed down, not flowing smoothly lately...whenever I notice this I check my astrological influences (to my specific details) and 9 times out of 10 there is some major retrograde influence happening...

LOL, who else is a Conspiracy Theorist...

Life...

How do you know this photo is real? With the 1600 ISOs (as above) let alone manipulation possible with the digital age, it's not always easy to tell...

The way you you know that this photo is real...

It's the imperfection...the variations on the underside of the leaf...

Life is like the leaf. Even if you feel it is perfect, this is always temporary cos sooner or later reality kicks in and you realise literal 'perfection' cannot be sustained over time. The only way to really be able to be Happy is to not make yourself slave to inflexible expectations and Nazi- like Perfectionism(believe me, I'm a reformed Perfectionist).

Happiness is about maintaining an equilibrium: we constantly need to adjust and adapt to maintain the scales.

I was talking engagement rings with my friend the other day...Diamonds come in different grades- it is actually possible to get diamonds that under the microscope are categorised as "Flawless". I remember having one offered to me. I turned it down...cos to me, instinctively it represented something unrealistic and unattainable by a human. Humans always come with flaws...

That's one random tangent for the day...the other has arisen out of real time to myself to reflect on my life to date... it's my new list of personal laws:

1. Exercise Tolerance especially with those things that especially irk me (in your face extroverts and girrrrls being the main two LOL I'm not going to bother trying too hard anymore to understand either...maybe next incarnation?)

2. Set and keep Boundaries.

3. Purge the Past.

4. Look after ME....first!