Belated Dummy Spit

So I really REALLY can't stand the big city anymore...but this time I'm actually DOING SOMETHING about it! ie...how sad is this...isn't a 30yo too freaking old to be doing a "runaway"?

No worries I also have more noble or good head on my shoulders reasons than mere peevedness with big cities...

Anyway that also means that I get to tramp with no agenda fulfilling the boho dero stereotype that many people expect me to be...

So yeah, you can't say I disappoint! LOL

She who wears a Scowl on her face...Part 2.

AND THERE EVEN HAD TO BE A PART 2?? :-P

geez, no wonder I was so keen to banish myself to some remote paradise and be a hermit since a tender age...

This is what happened last night...

I was sitting at home watching the Amazing Race when I heard a key turning in my door-that's strange I thought I went and looked in my peephole and there was some random lout trying all my neighbours doors as well! Not only that but he came back and tried my door again! I was standing on the other side of the door just watching- as usual I couldn't even speak, I couldn't believe how BRAZEN the guy was, to try while people are at home! In any case, I was thoroughly creeped out and didn't sleep well all night.

Apart from that yesterday, I also discovered a bit of an animal activist I didn't even realise I had in me except I found myself confronting a pet shop person about the abominable state of the animals in her shop...she was pretty pissed off...in TOTAL DENIAL maintaining her animals are healthy...geez do you really think it takes a vet to see that animals aren't in great condition??!!!

In any case I felt so angry...yet powerless...it was horrible. Later I saw one of the usual bums on the street asking for money for a bed for the night. I thought to myself seeing as I cared enough to speak out for the animals surely I should care about the human being too? No was the sad reply in my head...children and animals are innocent but adult humans rarely are...

in any case after a particularly bad week in the city, I am just thoroughly disgusted with the state of humanity here...I guess that is why I will devote 10 hours of this weekend to meditation...cos I think I NEED IT!!! Definitely, I am turning into a misanthrope. Hopefully I will find some fellow evolved spiritual types that can give me back some faith in fellow human beings in this part of the world.

In any case today I am playing it safe...not even going to exit my door, that way I have less chance to have a reason to get pissed off!!!

She who wears a scowl on her face...

It is only a constant in the city...promise!

Can you guess WHY?

It is cos of all the bad daily interactions with the rest of its sh*tty inhabitants.

Went to my first ballet tonight which would have been a great evening had I not encountered some scumbag who actually GRABBED me by the arm!!!

How dare he TOUCH me...it was at that moment in the video screen of my mind I was holding a baseball bat and beating the living daylights out of him!!!

But instead I uttered a few clumsy words and when he persisted to harrass me gave a stare which probably = a death glare- whatever the case, it worked.

I still feel seriously PISSED OFF though and as soon as I came home I soaped my arm with antiseptic soapwash!

I HATE THE CITY!!! :-ppp

Male Chivalry in the City...

So I was a little struggling with a bag full of art supplies and about 3 bags of food...and I suddenly hear this "do you need a hand?" from some cute random male.

HUH? Is my first thought- this doesn't happen in Sydney City!!!

So immediately, cynical suspicion kicks in and I politely decline the offer (cos really I didn't really need any help...I've managed in more dire situations...)

Later on I'm trying to get through the door to my building and I hear an offer of help again...this time it's a random lady neighbour...I didn't hesitate to accept at all especially cos this time I felt I actually needed it ;)...well we weren't going to get through the door with all my bags blocking the entry anyhow is how I saw it...

I was reflecting on these two episodes and wondering whether there was in any way double standard involved...ie that I can so easily and willingly accept help from a lady but not a man...I have to admit it's probably got a lot to do with Ego...The Independent female who is not quite feminist but definitely very capable was definitely unwilling to accept help from a MAN...cos God forbid it conveys the idea that "women Need men(!)" And besides,...living in the city you tend to come armed with a healthy dose of cynicism- when did favours ever come for free?!

In any case the standard is that nobody offers to help carry grocery bags unless you're an elderly little old lady and even if I do feel like one at times, I'm still far from one...

Eh, I hate that city dwelling has made me so cynical that people might just be plain...*nice*!

From this episode which is exactly how most females I know would have reacted makes me conclude: the Independent Female Ego is definitely very alive and well!!! LOL

What did I say...

LOl this article just confirms exactly what I have been spouting all along!

p.s got preoccupied with wacky dreams and old souls...will catch up with email soon!

Sydney City In a Word: Tacky!

Okay that's not me bagging out my own city...it's what I have been thinking this last year I've been back and when I surveyed a bunch of Europeans about their thoughts on Sydney city- they independently came to the same conclusion providing the word above!

I was walking around the city at night looking at the tasteless fashions, tasteless overkill on makeup, listening to the unattractive retching of women throwing up on the street in full view of everyone walking past as their boyfriends held their hair out of the way and it was only 10pm! and passing by many oversexed yobbos and fearing for my safety.

That's what Sydney to me has become. I have but one more area of this country to "test out" before knowing where I aim to escape to. Although I think I probably like the fact that Europe and its people are so cultured relative to us Down Under, nothing beats this clean air, beautiful environment and wide open space...the problem with cities apart from them cooking my immune system electromagnetic radiation wise is EVERYBODY smokes and its just like being stuck in one big chimney where I inevitably get sick from my chemical sensitivity...

I can't wait to get out of this damn city.

Screw that, I'm not going to waste my money keeping a city pad in this city after all. I want to move FAR FAR AWAY- and if I feel the need for city conveniences I'll fly for a weekend or something and I'll rotate between cities cos frankly if there weren't friends and family here I'd rather spend weekends in any OTHER city- airfares are so affordable these days anyhow...

So I set out of the house thinking..."wow now I'm not burdened by studies I feel so calm, content, happy, comfortable, peaceful"...

It didn't last long.

It first started with being shoved and barged past with no apologies or excuse mes in one serious caterpillar inching crowd(I should have known better to avoid the festival crowds but hey this is my local area!)

It then followed with escaping the crowd by ducking into a shop and lining up to get a sandwich. The bad vibes dude behind me was so impatient and kept inching uncomfortably close so I could feel his angry breath on my neck so I moved to the side a little - the f*kng a-hole(F.A) took that as a sign to move ahead of me and take my rightful place in the queue. Before it even entered my mind that these days you can't even be assertive because you're likely to get bashed up or stabbed these days when trying to seek just conditions, then the woman behind the F.A decided it was Her right to shove ahead as well. UNBELIEVABLE. I know for a fact this does not happen in more civilised locations...people actually ask if you are in the queue if they're going to do that.

So no doubt when I was carrying bags and bags of groceries which I had put down to unlock the common door and I stepped aside to let a neighbour through first but he held the door for me...I was honestly shocked and let out a really shocked "Ohhhh, thanks!"

The immediate city environment in Sydney is an ugly place because of the inconsiderate people in it...once you've lived out of the city and realised how much nicer places where actual Nice and more civilised beings exist...you can never see the city in the same light again let alone find it easy/enjoyable to live here especially with such daily occurrences....and also, your standards and expectations of yourself and the rest of humankind have transformed to exist on a higher plane.

The Friend Situation

So I know I bitch and moan and groan about how disgusting and horrible city living is but I gotta admit I like
a) being able to go out for short trips and duck home again even several times a day if I want to...it's kinda handy having a city pad...even when I move regional if it's feasible I'd very much like to keep a city pad.

b)relatively, there are more things happening and more to do than if I was in woop woop- although I have no problem entertaining myself watching kids go night fishing or admiring the blanket of twinkling stars, walking along open roads and breathing fresh air any time of day cos it was SAFE!

ANYHOW. I rang my sole friend who lives in the city thinking I'd drop over since I'd be his way trying to find this elusive black tourmaline. But no...finally the entire year of flirting with several girls a week(he's a Leo-need I say more?!) on the internet has paid off...he hesitates..."my girlfriend is coming". Oh. I know he feels torn between being a good friend and being a new boyfriend. It's okaaaaay I say. "I get it". I'm actually really relieved to hear that he's finally decided to commit to one and stop toying with so many even though that inevitably means less of a friend for me!

Anyway I'm used to the friend desertion...in the beginning it was being deserted by all the adventurous/ambitious friends who left this country for more exciting career prospects in more exciting pastures. These days at this age it's generally the hooking up thing...cos conventionally speaking, Now is the "correct" time to be settling down...cos most of my friends historically have been male I guess I've felt the desertion more cos typically their girlfriends tend to impose a "you can't hang out with other females thing"...and if not, they feel inappropriate doing so anyway...there have been many times when people I don't really know have seen me with single guy friends who were not my partner and I have to admit although there was nothing untoward going on it didn't look too good!

Whatever the case, my conclusion...it's not a good idea being "taken off the market" young cos you could have spent a lot more time expanding your social circle since people were at an age where they were more interested in making friends rather than partners :P That is the only thing I've learnt and if I ever have kids I'm sure as hell going to advise them not to settle down too early for many reasons, that just being one! (Oh the joy of learning through mistakes! the good thing being I rarely make the same mistake twice!)

In any case I think I'm an anomaly cos regardless of being in a relationship or not I still feel the urge to hang out with friends and have my own spare time and a lot of personal alone time and space..this free spirit feels easily suffocated by other people whether it be in a friend or partner capacity. However...I've also been asked is it a "commitmentphobe" thing?

For others maybe, for me I don't think so...for me it's about your partner being THE RIGHT PERSON, not just that it's an "appropriate" age to settle...

Cynical, practical types have told me..."fine, be idealistic romantic fatalist...just be prepared to bear the consequences".

Adventures in the city

So. I spent the entire weekend sitting on my ass in a seminar...but it was surprisingly enjoyable...and my brain juices were all stimulated and flowing and excited...inspired... so that's what I call a GOOD TIME! LOL does that make me a "N-yerd"?! (You so gotta see American Splendour if you wanna know the origin of that expression!)

Anyhow after being on my ass enclosed all day I decided to take a long protracted wander exploration in the search of some fish and chips...weird sudden craving cos really I don't really eat fish- I think I went close to 20 years completely fish free before I started it again (in the interests of good health of course!) It all started with a trip to the fish market when I was 3 or 4 - I saw all the glass eyed fish and asked my Pa if they were sleeping? When I found they weren't I felt very empathic with them and went on a fish boycott.

It continued when I saw some cutesy Japanese cartoon pencil case that said "Fish are my friends not my food!" and I stuck to it faithfully before I started getting all into diet therapy...

Asides aside, I ended up walking through a part of the city I'd never walked before and it was nice checking out all the old architecture and imagining picture perfect freeze frames for when I get my DSLR- I just love sandstone and cobblestone alleyways!

I also found myself *daydreaming* about when I can finally leave this city...in total honesty, I find this city very disheartening...on the rare occasions I do get out of my bubble I can't help but notice that there really are so many A-holes around! Several words come to mind when I think of Sydneysiders...Superficial, Shallow, Selfish, Pretentious! oh and increasingly...really quite materialistic!

Being back in Sydney these past few months is the sole reason I attribute to my gradually diminishing faith in people and also the reason why I've stopped making any effort to even vaguely meld and I've also stopped bothering being overtly nice, considerate or decent...it's also the reason why I love the *nice* haven of the blogging world and also physically escape every small opportunity I get with the past winter break and this summer break no exception...I escape this city purely so I can face it again with a renewed faith in people(!)

So anyhow my daydreams are not only filled with short breaks out of this city, they've actually evolved into detailed and practical plans for how to permanently leave and resettle in some other part of this awesome country! I have a fair few ideas about where but Western Australia is the final unchartered frontier I need to check out before I can firm up deciding on my final destination...

I'm feeling good as my dreams become concrete and practical plans and as the time ticks on I just get closer and closer to my dreams coming to fruition which once seemed so far away and intangible!

In this sense, it was a really satisfying day :)