It's Bad Manners...

DUDE! stop rubbing it in!

I find myself getting offended that while I sink under a mountain of work and deadlines and STRESS, my mate on the other side of the globe is living it up including attending gig(probably with free ticket!) of one of MY musical heroes, listening to MY theme song live AND getting pics taken with her(STONED OR NOT!)

How very damn rude.

You so better introduce me to these mates with all the muso connections when I'm over there! OWE. I so want to make you eat live baby octopus....RIGHT...NOW.

Another day down...phew! ...and a reasonably interesting one at that...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random question: is it narcissistic and egoistic to only want custom made stuff?

It's like once you have custom made ANYTHING, it is pain...PAIN... to have to adorn with/own mass produced junk! Happened to meet a jewellery designer whose work I like...tempted to ask him to make me a piece, with me as a co-designer. There is something just so attractive about making individualised creative anything. I'm so tempted to accept an offer of custom made wood furniture except who knows where I'll be on the globe this time next year?! Also, lacking in any skills myself and not made of money, how on earth do I pay for these things?! Needles or Herbs anyone?

Stress Paralysis

If it wasn't a medical condition already well here, I coin the term. This has been happening a lot to me the last few weeks but it seems to have reached crisis point. Basically I am paralysed into non action- all I have been doing, is coming to my blog to try and vent, lying in bed(escape) or eating chocolate. I completely drew a blank the other day in a test and my mind got paralysed...blank paper.

The worst part of all of this stress paralysis is that...the longer I dwell in non-action, the more dire and more reason to stress my situation gets! I really think I am just SO TIRED besides the stress I really feel incapable of doing - I think it is really state of being burnt out, like when my successful but healthy career driven journo friend worked really hard and intensely for days on end and then one day found she just could not move out of bed...and was cute enough to go to the doctor about it.

But people around me are all in the same boat, so I will try and derive inspiration by the examples they set. In this case, the mind has to rise above the body. In 2 hours I want THIS DONE. okay get to it...

Hello, Grandma!

Those are precisely the only two words I know in the language of my soon to be exotic host country. The irony being that they are no use since they are of no use for me to say to anybody but myself!

In any case it does invite peals of laughter just cos it is "so cute" when I do say it, so I guess at least some people out there are benefiting!

I really started to practically feel like a grandma from my interior and exterior lately...just cos predominantly mingling with people one, two or several generations younger inside and outside is starting to bring up some glaring "not with the times" deficiencies on my part...especially as pertains to technology! Lately my young friends have erupted in giggles when they observed me in complete ignoramus delight to find out what (left caret) 3, (hyphen hyphen right caret) and * (space) does! They really thought everyone knows these things and then I turn to them and say...do you even remember a world without internet or mobile phones? You know TETRIS? Actually from MY generation(well actually that was when computer screens were black and green and it was a cheap free game called "NYET"). Daria? Yeah, MY generation too! REALLY!?!! They reply incredulously...well then what IS my generation? Those touchscreen technology "rhythm" games I reply...Pokemon? "rofl" "lol" "cya" and the age of nobody being able to spell whole worlds anymore?

So yes! Grandmas do know a thing or two TOO!

In any case I also noticed I derive a lot of comfort talking to older folks- sort of the minimum age where people start to make a bit more sense and I understand most without needing a go-between interpreter seems 40yo and up because I seemed to have been born at least one or two generations too late. So anyway I spoke to one of these older folks for the first time yesterday and he was truly truly surprised that I could talk to him about his interests and older: lawn bowls anyone? ;) since looking 10 years younger than I actually am he had assumed I was 2-3 generations behind him! It was quite fun actually- the shock surprise factor- I love demolishing people's preconceived ideas.

It's pretty easy to do actually when you suffer Generational Displacement and Lost in Confusion.

Anyway Grandma's had her once weekly manageable lie down & afternoon nap and Bob is On so maybe a sweet little old lady is back at least for the weekend, lol!!!

p.s My greatest achievement in joining modern society would definitely be the "Blog"...think I deserve at least a "merit" for being able to rant & verbal diarrhoea to myself all day and all night long through virtual means. It's also the longest I have ever applied myself to something that wasn't compulsory!

Selling One's Soul

As the days blur into nights and the nights blur into days, I miss breakfast cos I have no time, I forget to breathe and am always in a rush, my body aches from overexertion and my panda eyes become ever more cavernous from ridiculous amounts of chronic sleep deprivation, I come back to a house full of a sink of dirty dishes to eat and mess to eat takeaway dinner at 10pm and I feel so exhausted that just sitting down is a relief and comfort, and as stress levels in me and everyone around me go through the roof, I had a grand revelation...

After five years of selling my soul and neglecting everything else around me by necessity and default....fuelled by grandiose and idealistic delusions of being able to "help people...and help save the world!", life is too short to live like this... I'm TIRED. Leave it for someone with more energy and drive.

I just want to enjoy a quiet peaceful life. Minimal stress, minimal dramas.

I always got so insulted when my mum has ingrained in me all my life that career for women is unimportant and bears no fruit since she's just going to have kids and be a housewife after all. I don't wholely agree with that since in these modern days we have a lot more flexible options...but I started to come off my feminist high horse a bit as I get older- it was definitely something I had to find out for myself and in my own time.

Probably it is my growing exposure to truly sick people or people with a whole globe of problems to weigh them down coupled with my own dramatic life experiences that I've started to see a much bigger picture.

And so although I like it all and will probably do my career stuff...after this period is over, I'm definitely going to stop selling my soul for something so unimportant...in the big picture.

Life is too short: I want to actually savour it and enjoy each breath. But I just need to make it through the next couple of panda eyes white hair wrinkle growing months first...I'm too close to the finish line to just throw it all down the drain...and I've already sacrificed way too much...

I feel like I need to end on a positive...I had three lorrikeets visit by my window recently...that was pretty interesting and unusual. It's weird, me and birds. I feel like they have a message for me somehow but I'm not sure exactly...what. Maybe they are just here to bring cheer and hope and a bit of much needed energy!

Another extrovert

it's sort of like Murphy's Law but with extroverts! Me and Bday twin seem to be Extrovert MAGNETS! Or not even that...people magnets - even when trying to hide in solitude away from the masses always get found!!!

We were walking and suddenly she sees an old schoolmate. Content to give a polite nod of acknowledgement from a distance we walk away...but NO the extrovert chases after us and stops us! Not only that he then needs to have an introduction AND shake my hand despite them being comfortably and hygenically in my pockets. Grudgingly took them out to do that dreaded shake hands thing...and his ring is so big and intrusive it scratches and hurts my hand...not only that I now feel all germed out.

MAN extroverts are Nuisances!

I really need to make sure I put hand sanitizer back in my bag.

I think we 9 november girls just ain't ever gonna win any popularity prizes...maybe ones for "Most anti-social"!